May 23
Managing chronic insomnia
I've been struggling with sleep-maintenance insomnia for two weeks. Previously I've had bouts of insomnia when under stress, but usually one night of poor sleep was followed by one of good sleep. Now it's a long run of bad nights, and I'm feeling the effects (poor concentration and impulse control, vertigo, rumination, despair). I can recognize these feelings as essentially biological, and that takes some of their sting away, but I've still gotta get through the day. What tricks do you have for managing difficult emotions and staying productive when sleep is elusive?
May 22
One week meals for one
I love the kitchn's weekly meal plans for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but I live alone. Are there other meal plans like their "How I Prep a Week of Easy, Satisfying Meals for One"? I'll list the features I like inside. [more inside]
Does this mean I need to get a haircut?
I was told that the next job I want to get will be looking for someone polished. I am not polished. Can I polish cheaply, quickly and regularly? [more inside]
Can't give 2 weeks notice - should I worry?
I need to leave with only 1 week notice because of my new job's start date. [more inside]
My online group went from Metafilter-esque to Reddit. Help?
5 years ago I founded an online group, then watched it grow and moderated things. Mostly it was a source of useful information and cameraderie, but somehow in the last few months it reached a tipping point where the bad now outweighs the good. I'm considering shutting it down. Help me think through that decision. [more inside]
Managing anxious attachment style while dating
I'm working on changing my attachment style from anxious to secure. In the meantime, what are some strategy or techniques I could use to manage my anxious attachment? Those who are anxiously attached, please share your stories, advice, or tips! Special snowflake details inside. [more inside]
I want paint or ink that runs.
I have an idea for an art project that I’d like to do. In short, I want to write some stuff on paper, put the paper in a mason jar, and then have the pigment of what I write dissolve into the water. It doesn’t have to be all the way, it’s fine if some words here and there are legible, but I’d really like the water to take on color. What is the best paper and paint or ink to do this? I asked at the store today and they recommended watercolor pencils, which aren’t having the effect I was going for, though maybe it just needs to soak longer? Thanks!
I need a new bluetooth headset for work
Starting a new job, and I need a new bluetooth headset for work. My current one (which they are making me hand back) is the Plantronics Voyager UC, which is great. But I'm not sure if I can get something equivalent for cheaper as it's an expensive headset - any idea Mefi? Must be stereo (ie a speaker for each ear) and wireless, as I spend a lot of time in teleconferences,would prefer something over-ear, rather than in-ear.
Alternative to Paychex for small business payroll?
I have a small business with 3 employees and currently use Paychex for payroll. They are totally fine - which is, to say, the people get their money on-time and so forth - except for one thing: I receive a constant barrage of marketing emails and phone calls from Paychex offering me upgrades and upsells to other services. These annoy me because I have trouble ignoring emails from the company that literally puts the money in my employees' bank accounts. But... is that how they all work? [more inside]
Jigsaw puzzle question, 60s versions?
Back in the late 50s and 60s, we used to do a lot of jigsaw puzzles. Generally they were strip cut (rows of pieces horizontally and vertically), but unlike modern puzzles the pieces weren't fully interlocking. Lots of them had one, two, more rarely three, and rarely all four sides "wavy", that fit up against other such wavy pieces. It not only provided more variety than today's fully interlocking pieces (with all four sides locking), but it made it a little easier to make the puzzle because you could identify differences more easily. I've looked at a lot of modern puzzles and anything that's strip cut has fully interlocking pieces, all four sides being either tab or slot. [more inside]
What does PowerShare mean in the context of a Dell dock?
The Dell D6000 dock is marketed as having "3 x SuperSpeed USB 3.0" and "1 x SuperSpeed USB 3.0 with PowerShare". As far as I can tell, all four of these USB Type A ports are exactly the same. Dell Technical Support was no help. Does anyone have any idea how they might differ? [more inside]
/, /home, boot, swap, ???, profit!
Linux partitioning, distro selection, etc. Please help me beanplate my desktop computer. [more inside]
Best, effective, SAFE flea treatments for dogs and cats?
If you are also a teeny bit paranoid about this stuff and have researched current medications, please save me hours of searching about this online (once again): I need to treat the cat and the dog (separately of course). I'd like to use spot-on type treatments, and I've spent a long long long time each time I've done this in the past to search out what was effective but had the fewest reports of negative reactions. The current flea status is ... [more inside]
Where is all the new money universities charge going?
In 1960 a semester at Harvard cost $11,000 in consistent dollars. Today a semester at Harvard costs $50,000. An increase of 4.5 times. Where is that extra money going? [more inside]
What's the current state of music streaming services in 2019?
I'm looking for a service that can algorithmically create and download playlists and automatically update when connected to WiFi. [more inside]
Recommend a fantasy novel?
Becoming a bit bored with all the sci-fi - can someone recommend a fantasy novel? (Specific interests inside) [more inside]
What’s the best way to find an out-of-print ebook?
Rebecca Moore self-published her novel Lunch in Brooklyn in 2013, but it has apparently gone out of print. None of the links to online retailers (Amazon and the iTunes bookstore) still list it for sale, and Moore seems to have fallen off the face of the earth. (Her blog, Twitter, and Facebook were last updated in 2018.) Are there other ways I can access an ebook that’s fallen out of print?
What outdoor cooking appliance should I get?
My kitchen unfortunately doesn't have a way to vent smoke/cooking odors [no range hood], so I've been avoiding the range and just using the oven. However, I have a backyard where I could cook and extend my options. A lot of outdoor cooking equipment seems optimized for camping (no access to electricity, lightweight), which are not constraints I have. I'm just looking for an easy, cheap range substitute. Should I get a portable burner or something else? [more inside]
Where should we vacation? (Western US Edition)
We live on the East Coast and have to be in Indianapolis in early October for a wedding. I'm thinking we should keep on going west after the wedding and spend a week somewhere. But where? [more inside]
Cambridgefilter: Aggressively specific restaurant recommendations needed
Does anyone have a recommendation for a restaurant in Harvard Square that would have dinner options for an omnivore, an omnivore on a low FODMAP diet, and a vegetarian who's allergic to peppers? [more inside]
how to be more chill
I am always the social initiator in my friend groups and among 1-to-1 friendships. 80% of the time I don't mind this but the other 20% I wonder if people would bother organising to meet up if I didn't, and what that says for the quality of my relationships. Do I need to scale back on initiating / "be more chill"? When do I know that it's time to take a step back? [more inside]
Is this shirt message friendly or potentially [accidentally] snarky?
I would like to sport a queer-positive tee for upcoming Pride, and also just generally to wear. I like this shirt and I like supporting HRC. But as a cis nonqueer person, I am teeny bit worried that me wearing this message might make the tone read as condescending or -- I don't know. You know? What do you think?
Best stick and tiny vacuums for my purposes
I would like to buy a stick vacuum to vacuum the kitchen floor and a tiny vacuum to vacuum up cat litter. I am at a loss as to which ones. [more inside]
What's the term for this kind of picture?
I am looking for the term used to describe an image that uses the details of a scene to create a second image. For example, a painting of a forest where the details of the trees, shadow, landscape, etc, create the image of someone's face. I would provide examples, but I am at a loss as to what to search for.
What are your favourite laments?
I am looking for laments, in any format. Musical laments, of course, like those in the Celtic music tradition are the obvious answer. But I'd like them in any and every genre - poetry, quotation, art. Short, long, anything that breaks your heart. A good lament is stirring and gives you hope while also delineating the long-term futility of anything but acceptance. Have you got anything for me? [more inside]
Help me to Slack ...
I've started getting a few invites to Slack channels, based around professional interests, but not necessarily company specific. I can definitely see the upsides here. But, the etiquette is unknown to me, and particularly, I was wondering: Is it okay to join channels and just be quiet a lot, or should I be upping my communication game a bit here, and taking advantage of what Slack-based interaction could offer? [more inside]
Contingency Estate Attorney in NYC
Can you help me locate an honest and very aggressive nyc-based contingency estate lawyer who will take on (hire through his/her own links) a case in the Granite State?* [more inside]
My brain and my ovaries are conspiring against me
I'm looking for psychiatrist recommendations in the SF Bay Area (East Bay/SF preferred) who has an a understanding of/experience with hormonal mood changes. [more inside]
Help me help him
Is there any hope in helping someone get help for mental health issues when they don't see it themselves? (bonus: he is also deep into conspiracy theories) [more inside]
May 21
Splitting Up Maternity Leave
We are fortunate enough to be able to take 4 months (me) + 3 months (dad) of a combo of paid and unpaid parental leave for our first child, and are trying to figure out how to split it up. A key consideration is that the most important 5 months of my year at work will come right after the due date. I’m considering splitting up my maternity leave to take 6 weeks at the birth, then dad take 10 weeks, and then I take my remaining leave - will it work? [more inside]
[Generic Gourmet Cola] is It!!!
I like cola but I don't like buying it ready-made, for many reasons. I am having a hard time making a syrup that tastes right. Can you recommend a ready-made syrup or, ideally, a recipe, for a very spicy, rich, old-fashioned-tasting cola? The goal here is not to make Coke, but to make something better.
Where else can I find pants like this?
I am looking for pants like these. Pretty much exactly like these, in black or dark grey (colorful inserts optional) only not sold out in sizes small or medium. I loathe "stretch" materials and am very much seeking to avoid them, which makes this search that much harder. However, MeFites always know great websites for unusual items, so I thought I'd ask here. Thanks in advance.
Bike tour Alaska's Inside Passage by ferry?
What is the best itinerary for a week touring Alaska's inside Passage by bike and ferry with a Skagway departure? I'm flexible on where to go, other than I've already been to Haines and Juneau so would like to explore some new places. [more inside]
What was this fantasy book about fixing the sun?
This book was probably more in the YA range. I definitely read it before 2002 but it could be much older, maybe from the 80s. It involved a quest by an elf-like person to fix the dimming sun. [more inside]
Driving around the DMV?
Some questions about getting honked at while driving in the USA, specifically in the DMV area inside. [more inside]
Help me use my HRA quickly, please
I just found out I have $2750 in a Health Reimbursement Account that will disappear at the end of the month. (My job ended 5/3, my benefits are through May 30.) I'm (thankfully) healthy, but want to take advantage of these funds, which go towards anything not covered by my $6500 deductible. I do have bad knees that I've been ignoring, and maybe something cosmetic? Anything I could pre-pay? Thanks for any suggestions!
health insurance from a (soon to be divorced from) spouse
it's getting uglier by the day. my wife an I had a spat today and she told me she's dropping me from her health insurance policy. can she do this before we are divorced? [more inside]
where to find thin metal sheets that will attract magnets
I'm looking for metal that is really thin... maybe no more than 2-3 pieces of paper in thickness that is magnetic. [more inside]
Objective opinions of one's singing?
Simple question. If you have a fairly good idea you're a decent singer, but you need to make sure, where can you get some objective opinions? [more inside]
We have a deer in backyard with new fawns. Leave the gate open or not?
There is a deer with baby fawns in our back garden. Sometimes the fawns get shutout of the garden near a road / separated from their mum. Should we just leave gates open to prevent this, or take active measures to discourage them entirely? [more inside]
slip-ons / clogs / slippers for achilles tendon support?
First thing in the morning I have achilles tendon stiffness and pain at the back of my ankles, just above my heels (like where an ankle bracelet would rest) ; it quickly abates as I walk around a bit, but I don't want it to get worse. Dr. Google says it's probably (encroaching? mild?) Achilles Tendonitis, and I need better slippers / home shoes to provide support. Looking for suggestions if you have experienced similar (and particularly wondering if Birkenstock Amsterdam Clogs would provide the necessary). [more inside]
Is this a thing? Japanese Business Gift Question
I work for a multinational corporation. Today I received a piece of mail from our Tokyo office containing a small Japanese fan and a mint-condition American ten dollar bill. No note, no name on the return address. It was addressed to me personally. [more inside]
Men's jeans now that Costco has discontinued their Kirkland brand
I loved the Costco brand jeans and had a number of pairs through out the years. They were in my larger size, comfortable, and durable, plus I liked the cut and fit. Unfortunately they seem to have been discontinued and I'm looking to replace some of my older pairs that have worn out. [more inside]
Barring therapy, how do you isolate your family issues into one question
Short version: Mother-in-law needs money to pay property tax. We want to know why the daughter who has lived with her for 20 years is not paying the property tax. The challenge is how to keep emotions/reason in check and not destroy family relations. More below the fold. [more inside]
How to regularly remove malware from website?
I installed Wordfence on my Wordpress website (free, not paid yet). Am I supposed to just delete the files they say are bad? [more inside]
Buying time to sort things out
I think my mental health problems are making it hard to get a job. I am running out of money. Where can I go to start getting mental health treatment on Medicaid? Is there any other kind of assistance I can apply for while I'm sorting everything out? [more inside]
I need examples of local government machines losing to outsiders
I am wondering if there is a recipe for city machines losing to non-insiders. Like a city needs X conditions to be happening (perhaps scandal or incompetence) combined with Y candidate (charisma, name recognition, media favorability, money?). Examples, case studies, websites, books, all would be great. [more inside]
I don’t play video games, but now I wish I did. Video game-like learning
Hope me research how to improve the usability of a library discovery service!
While we can create tutorials and provide library instruction, we have found that ‘just in time’ help is better than ‘just in case.’ No one wants to read a manual to do find sources for their paper. My ideal is to provide context-aware suggestions and tips analogous to how video games teach new users how to play. But, I also need to make these instructions easy to bypass for those that don’t need it and/or are annoyed by it. [more inside]
Suggestions for organizational "open after my death" boxes?
I work in a small organization whose director recently died suddenly and completely unexpectedly at a relatively young age. He didn't have an administrative assistant, so we'll be facing the task of figuring out how he organized his files and digital resources, and how he handled all of the things he handled. It's underlining our lack of a good organizational system whereby all employees document everything that would be necessary for someone to step into their role and handle their tasks, and stores the documentation where people can find it. [more inside]
How do I make this font work on my PC?
I having trouble getting a font I want to show up in applications on my PC. [more inside]
Going to Bogota, where to stay?
In November I will be spending 2-3 weeks in Bogota, Colombia. I'm looking for suggestions for neighborhoods and specific places to stay. [more inside]
Dating: separated with alcoholic parent. Aiming for the healthy version.
Thinking with me would be much appreciated! People who’ve been in a relationship after separation, or have had an alcoholic parent, or have tried to choose a better partner after making not great/bad choices in the past, who've made changes for the healthier in relationships and anyone who has a sharp eye for good choices!
I’ve made bad relationship choices before, where I put way more energy in and didn't keep my eyes open. Partners had under-the-surface untreated psychiatric problems that they didn’t know of or were in denial about, or simply did want a relationship at all. I’ve grown up in an abusive household, where one parent for a time had a problem with alcohol. I've lived and learned, trying to be careful. [more inside]
Do I need a lawyer for an e-verify I9?
I got flagged for a "needs further action" on an I9. I'm an American, no dual citizenship. The employer was vague, or probably didn't know, as to what flagged it. I've never had this happen before. Is there something besides a typo that could have flagged it that I need to be aware of? [more inside]
How to handle the shiva issue when you’re not observant...
My father is a fairly observant Conservative Jew. I am culturally Jewish, but an atheist and not observant. When he passes away, I do not intend to sit shiva (or, by extension, host it). What are my options for remaining respectful of his beliefs without doing something with which I’m uncomfortable? [more inside]
May 20
What is the professional standard of playwriting format?
Everything I've seen on stage play formats is contradictory, and sometimes drastically so. Can you point me in the direction of the "true" format? I downloaded a trial of Scrivener software but don't see a function that sets dialogue, action etc. so that I can highlight it and know I'm doing it right. [more inside]
How can I find out when a song was registered with ASCAP or BMI?
ASCAP and BMI both have searchable online databases where you can see who is credited for writing a song, but they don’t include the date that song was registered. Is there any way of finding this out other than asking the artist directly? [more inside]
What to expect from a real estate agent?
We’ve been working with an experienced real estate agent as we look for a new house. We haven’t been thrilled with her so far and we’re trying to figure out if our expectations are off or if she’s just not a great agent. Is it her or us? [more inside]
Looking for SF short story: rockstar with a neural link to audience
I've been trying to find a short story that I would have read in a library book during the 80s. The premise was that rock concerts in the future would involve a neural link between the performer on the stage, and every single member of the audience. The audience would get to feel what it would be like on stage performing for a concert hall of adoring fans, but the link is two-way, and the performer ends up feeling the rush of emotion and excitement of everyone in the audience, all at once. [more inside]
Help me find a specific book about Russian history?
About 15 years ago I bought & read a used paperback about Russian history that I seem to have misplaced, and I'd like to find it again. I think the green is my best chance! Here's what I remember about it, although this could be wrong: first published in the 1950s, in Britain, for a general (i.e. non-academic) audience, broadly surveying Russian history from about the early days of the Rus through the Russian Revolution. I'd like to give a copy as a gift. [more inside]
Is borrowing from folklore cultural appropriation?
I am in the editing stage of a fiction writing project in which there is mention throughout of various mythological demon-type creatures, specifically the "wekufe" from Mapuche mythology. Should I be concerned that I'm treading into cultural appropriation? [more inside]