Questions in the Human Relations category.
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November 15

How to move on from homophobic abuse in a relationship?

My [F 30] ex-girlfriend [F 28] went on a seven-week course she needed for her degree this summer. She met a guy there that she says she wasn't interested in, but who was interested in her. Instead of telling him she had a partner of a year and a half, she pretended to be single. When she got back, he sent her presents and love letters to our shared apartment. When I asked her why he didn't respect our relationship, she just said: "You have to understand that I have always been ashamed of you and that I will always be ashamed of you." She then went on to explain to me that she knows she can't love a man like she loves me, but that she doesn't believe same-sex love and relationships are real. We had been planning a life together at that point, talking openly about marriage and kids. Of course we are no longer together. But how do I ever get over this? How do I ever not think of myself as a disgusting homosexual again? [more inside]
posted by AttendantFool1988 at 8:00 AM - 5 answers

divorce, kids, and moving

So this was me. Long story short, things haven't gotten much better, and I'm starting to consider the idea of ending the relationship. There's one big thing stopping me, though: My spouse and I moved to a different state a couple of years ago. I hate it and want to move back intensely. I'm not sure how that could happen if we split up. [more inside]
posted by anonymous at 2:29 AM - 9 answers

Seeking family lawyer in Colorado Springs

Seeking a Family Lawyer Colorado Springs area, divorce with a minor child [more inside]
posted by anonymous at 2:29 AM - 1 answers

November 14

Queer Dating in Brooklyn?

I'm doing the OK Cupid thing, but meeting people in person seems like it would save me a lot of messaging only to end up with "oh we have no chemistry." If I'm a genderqueer woman looking to meet other women to maybe date, are there still physical places where I can do this? Or are internet dating, social hobbies, and friends-of-friends really my only good options? [more inside]
posted by Sometimes you need a little space at 4:33 PM - 4 answers

How can I help my brother and mother deal with each other?

They live together at home and I no longer live there, but I visit often. He's in his early 20s and I'm about 4 years older. He's been going through a rough time after graduating from college but taking a lot of his anger and frustrations out on my mom. It's tearing our small family apart. [more inside]
posted by hexenkunst at 4:15 PM - 16 answers

Roommate leaving, best practices

It looks like my roommate might be moving to another city (from Brooklyn, NY) halfway through our one-year lease, while I'm staying in the apartment, under non-dramatic circumstances. Before things move further, I'd like to get a sense of best practices on handling this, as well as what reasonable expectations on my part would be. [more inside]
posted by andrewesque at 1:52 PM - 10 answers

Inuction Cooker for an elderly person

A family member who lives in an independent living complex left a plastic pan cover on an electric stove burner. There was an aide in the apartment at the time that saw the burning cover and extinguished the fire. It was agreed, in a family meeting, that they would not use the stove anymore and that the family would supply more packaged meals and come over during the week and cook family meals for them. What are your thoughts on giving them a tabletop induction cooker and proper cooking utensils so they can still prepare some meals on their own?
posted by Raybun at 12:51 PM - 10 answers

Christmas presents; changing incomes

My parents don't have a lot of money. They would like to send Christmas presents. I have more money than they do. I would like to send them presents. How do I make it not awkward? Snowflakes inside. [more inside]
posted by unstrungharp at 10:49 AM - 13 answers

November 13

How to handle private harassment in a social group

I recently discovered that a friend whose behavior I had had some somewhat hazy reservations and discomfort about has apparently been privately harassing several other mutual friends via DMs, text, and letters? possibly for years? Everyone involved is part of an extended and long-established network of friends, and the harasser is someone who has been part of this group for much longer than the people being harassed. I'm not directly involved, so I could say "not my circus" but... snowflakes. [more inside]
posted by Ms.Stocking at 5:04 PM - 14 answers

Holiday coziness for kids

Life is chaotic right now, and we need some coziness and together time. Unfortunately, I'm not in the easiest place, mentally, for making that happen effortlessly. I need a list, and I need inspiration. Can you share your favorite seasonal activities for creating a cozy atmosphere? [more inside]
posted by annathea at 8:49 AM - 39 answers

November 12

How to disclose childhood and other trauma while dating?

I am an educated, mid-30s woman with a successful career in a white collar industry and a PTSD diagnosis. A couple of years ago I left a very abusive relationship and that experience was compounded by expansive grief and a very scary childhood. I'm in a good place at this point and would like to date but held back by how and when to discuss these parts of my life. Details below the fold. [more inside]
posted by JaneTheGood at 11:50 PM - 11 answers

Catching up on sexual experience and skills

For reasons, I have not had much sex in my life. I am looking to learn now the kinds of skills and experience that you would expect a late 30s female (heterosexual) to have. Practice is the obvious answer, but seeing as I can’t control who wants to sleep with me, can you also lead me to books, videos, podcasts, anything like that that I can look at on my own beforehand to lessen the rejection from Tinder dates when they figure out I am bad in bed. Please assume I have really absolutely no idea about anything (if I know it already I will happily ignore that advice)
posted by EatMyHat at 8:04 PM - 17 answers

November 11

How do you get into the "don't even care if I have sex," state?

Sometimes when I'm with new potential partner, I'll *really* want sex. Other times, I can get into a sort of compassionate, caring state where there's much less internal pressure to have sex. It's very distinct. And it makes relating go much better. I don't know how to reliably do this, though. [more inside]
posted by zeek321 at 6:09 PM - 25 answers

How to handle this? Newly anxiety-inducing relationship with SIL.

Metafilter has always been there for me when I am in an anxiety spiral about something. I would not say I am in one now, but I was recently and upon reflection could still use advice about how to deal with this new situation with my sister in law. I never thought there was any conflict in our relationship until recently. I'll try to keep it from being too wordy but snowflakes inside. [more inside]
posted by picardythird at 12:59 PM - 19 answers

Should I get rid of my toxic friend? How?

Hi everyone. My friend and I are both 30F and have been friends since we're 4 years old. Here's a brief description of my friend and our friendship. The positive: My friend and I can talk about pretty much everything and she's my go to when things get rough. I do believe she genuinely cares about me. When I'm down, she doesn't kick me down further and has reassured me and complimented me in the past. [more inside]
posted by outlander at 9:58 AM - 37 answers

Should I move forward with getting engaged?

I'll make this intro short. I've been dating my girlfriend for the past 2.5 years, and she talked with me yesterday about how she wanted to get engaged. I want to as well. The problem is that I don't feel financially secure enough in my career growth. The reason this is an issue is because gf's parents are strict Indian people who have told me that they want me to be in a certain place before accepting me and moving forward.
posted by ggp88 at 6:07 AM - 42 answers

November 10

Can Someone Offer Me Any Kind of Explanation of this Behavior?

There is a man I just cannot get out of my head, so I made a bold move. His response has been...puzzling. Can someone offer insight? [more inside]
posted by anonymous at 2:45 PM - 28 answers

Gaining Perspective on Unrequited Something or Other

When we were 21 years old, a friend had a crush on me and I rejected him. 12 years have passed, and we have kept in touch despite living thousands of miles apart. We've traveled together, were roommates for a time, etc. Neither of us has made a move since that one rejection, and I doubt he is interested anymore. But I am. I miss him a ton and fantasize about us being together. And then I get sad. Should I dismiss these fantasies or should I make a move? [more inside]
posted by nowadays at 12:08 PM - 10 answers

November 9

Is “Guts” the book too old for my kid & other anxiety book recommendatio

My 4 yo saw the book Guts today at target and fixated on it; I want to give him language to talk about his anxiety but I don’t want to feed / seed it either. Is the book too old for him? And what other books would you recommend for parenting an anxious kid? [more inside]
posted by St. Peepsburg at 3:44 PM - 9 answers

Should I tell my ex what his problem is?

Had an ultimately unsatisfying pseudo-relationship with someone who I now realise fits all the criteria for an Avoidant relationship style. I know he wants to have a loving relationship, and is flummoxed as to why this keeps happening. Do I break my no contact and share what I've learnt from reading about attachment styles, in a non accusatory and hopefully helpful way? He is a good person and I don't want him to be alone forever, which he is convinced he will be, and honestly so am I. [more inside]
posted by starstarstar at 12:44 PM - 14 answers

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