Questions in the Human Relations category.
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December 13

Love is Blind—And Rare?

In therapy I realized I have a core assumption that love and positive attention are very scarce resources. Love and attention aren't exactly analogous to money or market goods, but they are a finite resource in some sense. Reflecting on my past choices, I see social-emotional equivalents of investing in get rich quick schemes, taking a lousy job because it was better than unemployment, and being so stingy that I missed opportunities for growth—all stemming from the assumption of scarcity. How does one learn to identify and build relationships and environments where love and support are more abundant? [more inside]
posted by 4rtemis at 12:38 AM - 18 answers

December 12

undercover subversive gifts for conservative family members

What are things I can buy my depressingly conservative family members for Christmas that might have the side effect of making them a teensy bit less depressingly conservative? [more inside]
posted by logic vs love at 5:11 PM - 18 answers

Help me have this discussion with my father

As a 20 year-old woman, the growing conversation about sexual harassment and emotional labor has influenced me deeply. Conversations on Metafilter have expanded my perspective over the past few years, from the emotional labor thread to the #MeToo movement to Cat Person. Today my dad posted a link on Facebook to an article characterizing the #MeToo movement as an overreaction, and said it was a "viewpoint that deserves to be heard." I want to try to convince him otherwise. [more inside]
posted by Lurch at 3:24 PM - 21 answers

Happy Adoption Day! Small ways to celebrate with just immediate family.

Sometime soon, our adoption of our baby girl will become final. We do not want a large celebration with a bunch of extended family or anything, but would like a little something for just my husband, son, baby girl and I. [more inside]
posted by Sara_NOT_Sarah at 1:38 PM - 7 answers

Skipping family Christmas party because of verbal abuse

Should I skip my family's Christmas party this year or should I go and face my abuser? I have a very abusive uncle who also doesn’t get along with my parents so he has been verbally and emotionally abusive to my entire family for as long as I’ve known him. Everyone else in my family seems to know of his abusive nature but everyone just dismisses it as that’s who he is and no one has ever confronted him of his behavior because they do not want to become his next target. [more inside]
posted by missybitsy at 10:53 AM - 29 answers

How to deal with a friend that I feel is being passive-aggressive?

My friend is ignoring me, for what seems like no real good reason, after some weirdness with my ex boyfriend. She's ignored me before, over a situation where she felt like I wasn't communicating enough with her- when my dad was literally dying, and I had actually made efforts to reach out. We're supposed to be going away together - just the two of us - for new year and I'm considering telling her this can't happen. However, I always second guess myself and my feelings, and know I can be sensitive. Perhaps I care too much about this, and should keep her as a superficial friend if not a close one? I just feel personally (especially lately) like life is perhaps a little too short for this sort of stuff, which is causing me a lot of worry on top of an already mammoth amount of processing of difficult stuff from the last three years. [more inside]
posted by starstarstar at 5:03 AM - 25 answers

Hey girl, we were victimized by the same creep...

Should I contact a stranger who was victimized by the same man as I was? Is it inappropriate or even pointless? [more inside]
posted by anonymous at 2:09 AM - 12 answers

December 11

Healing from financial betrayal

So I'm not sure what to call it exactly. Maybe financial betrayal is the wrong term. My spouse spent a long time unemployed, not actively looking, despite being treated for depression, and it's made money a bigger deal than I would like. I want to be supportive but find myself resentful. Help me find my balance here. [more inside]
posted by crunchy potato at 11:45 PM - 45 answers

Negotiations with bullies and other unreasonable people

Are there any effective negotiation tactics when dealing with people who refuse to compromise or explain unreasonable demands, bully and threaten, deny facts, and other similar methods? If I can avoid those kinds of people I do, but it's not always possible (professional contexts, not personal relationships).
posted by sepviva at 1:59 PM - 10 answers

Coping like a pro.

Apologies for the weedy, stream of consciousness question but it's been a hard day. I used to think my coping skills are quite good, but clearly not. All details after the jump. [more inside]
posted by Nieshka at 11:06 AM - 7 answers

December 10

What does "overcoming" Childhood Emotional Neglect look like?

Through therapy and all that, I've come to the realization that a multitude of the feelings I've always had stem from childhood emotional neglect. All my material needs were taken care of, but my parents were otherwise pretty shitty. I've always had a hard time making friends and maintaining connections with people. I'm ready to start doing the work and attempt to make positive changes, but.. what does overcoming emotional neglect look like? Is it really not too late for me to make meaningful connections with people? [more inside]
posted by anonymous at 11:41 PM - 9 answers

How can I get over the fear of asking a girl out?

There's a girl I like, everything points to her being interested in me. The last message she sent basically said that we should see each other again. I've known her for a while now, and she always seemed to want to talk. Here's the thing though, I'm worrying a lot about what she will say when I ask her out. My fear is trying to make me look for reasons to not ask her out, I won't allow that but I want my fear gone, I don't want to feel like this, I hate it. Literally everyone who knows me is pushing me to ask her out. [more inside]
posted by Braxis at 10:59 PM - 21 answers

Christmas Gift for an Elderly Woman

What do you get a 83 year old woman who watches Fox News all day? I am stumped. She wants for nothing, doesn't really need anything.
posted by zzazazz at 6:21 AM - 28 answers

December 9

Do I need to be friends with my boyfriend's friends?

I've been dating someone for a few months. He's great and everything is going well, but we keep disagreeing over how much time I should be spending with him and his friends. [more inside]
posted by Lingasol at 5:50 PM - 20 answers

How to be a good partner when you're the depressed one

Whenever I do a web search for, like, "how to be a good partner with depression," I get resources for how to support a depressed person. But I am the depressed person, and I'm looking for resources/advice on how to communicate with and support my partner while also taking care of myself. (That pretty much sums it up, but snowflakes below, of course!) [more inside]
posted by adastra at 11:00 AM - 7 answers

December 8

Chinese ancestor worship funeral rites...

So I need to ensure that my recently deceased father is put in his ancestral worship temple alongside his ancestors in Hong Kong. [more inside]
posted by almostwitty at 1:33 AM - 3 answers

December 7

Australian convict/inmate search?

I did a google search on a former girlfriend's name and found a bunch of news articles that someone with the same name and age was arrested in Sydney. [more inside]
posted by InsertNiftyNameHere at 6:33 PM - 5 answers

Middle schooler with sensory processing disorder experiencing bullying

I have a an incredibly sweet, bright, 13-year-old girl with sensory processing disorder. Loud noises tend to bother her. Middle school is tough for her because it is a very bright, noisy place with 700 kids. [more inside]
posted by Ostara at 3:06 PM - 34 answers

help me navigate the different options about meeting my SIL

Hi! Here's the sequel to a question I asked two months ago about my abusive sister in law. [more inside]
posted by Ifite at 1:35 PM - 17 answers

Dealing with cliques at work

I’m having an issue at my job where I feel torn between different groups of coworkers. I’m afraid I’ve become a Mean Girl but I don’t know how to bow out now. [more inside]
posted by pintapicasso at 12:42 PM - 14 answers

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