Arranging a home-care-ish service for my mother
January 14, 2020 5:49 PM Subscribe
My mother was released from the hospital last month and is doing OK, sort of... she was released from the hospital with a referral for home-care, but the home-care nurses/service managers that my mother doesn't need home care. She's open to hiring a cleaning service, but I'm wondering if I should be looking more at a service that does this type of stuff for seniors versus a regular cleaning company. What are my options?
The home-care nurses/managers decided that my mom *doesn't* need homecare because once she got her medication in blister packs, she was able to take her medications properly. Well, okay, I get their argument. I also understand that in my province (Alberta) healthcare is stretched really thin, at the moment, so if she's not in a severe enough situation... it's a waste of resources?
However, I think I have to hire *someone* to check in on her! My mom hates cleaning and has never done a very good job of it, so hiring someone to come in and keep the main areas of the house clean (kitchen, bathrooms, sweeping the living room, dusting) would be a good idea. My mom is also really open to this because, again, she just doesn't do a good job of cleaning.
I think I need to go beyond just a regular housecleaning company, because of her situation. Can I hire someone to come in and clean... who'd also be ok with chit-chatting with her (so she can get some social activity) and just generally checking up on her (making sure she's still alive)? One of her neighbours has figured out the situation and has been checking on my mom now and then (thankfully), but I think it's time to arrange more support.
She won't hear of going into an assisted living facility, and the hospital decided not to do a capacity assessment to her (probably my fault, because I was an annoying, stressed-out daughter for those 3 weeks). I think a good next step would be hiring a "cleaner" who will also check up on her, is this something that private homecare services do? She was really uncomfortable with the idea of having homecare come in anyway, but I'm pretty certain she'd let a cleaner come in to her house! Especially if she could chat their ears off without driving them away (my fear).
Also, given that my mom lives alone and I live 4-ish hours away, is it... safe to hire someone to check in on her like this? I would hate for them to take advantage of her, which is something that could happen with any service! How do I find the right service? What questions should I be asking? I'm feeling a bit anxious about this, but I think it's a good next step.
The home-care nurses/managers decided that my mom *doesn't* need homecare because once she got her medication in blister packs, she was able to take her medications properly. Well, okay, I get their argument. I also understand that in my province (Alberta) healthcare is stretched really thin, at the moment, so if she's not in a severe enough situation... it's a waste of resources?
However, I think I have to hire *someone* to check in on her! My mom hates cleaning and has never done a very good job of it, so hiring someone to come in and keep the main areas of the house clean (kitchen, bathrooms, sweeping the living room, dusting) would be a good idea. My mom is also really open to this because, again, she just doesn't do a good job of cleaning.
I think I need to go beyond just a regular housecleaning company, because of her situation. Can I hire someone to come in and clean... who'd also be ok with chit-chatting with her (so she can get some social activity) and just generally checking up on her (making sure she's still alive)? One of her neighbours has figured out the situation and has been checking on my mom now and then (thankfully), but I think it's time to arrange more support.
She won't hear of going into an assisted living facility, and the hospital decided not to do a capacity assessment to her (probably my fault, because I was an annoying, stressed-out daughter for those 3 weeks). I think a good next step would be hiring a "cleaner" who will also check up on her, is this something that private homecare services do? She was really uncomfortable with the idea of having homecare come in anyway, but I'm pretty certain she'd let a cleaner come in to her house! Especially if she could chat their ears off without driving them away (my fear).
Also, given that my mom lives alone and I live 4-ish hours away, is it... safe to hire someone to check in on her like this? I would hate for them to take advantage of her, which is something that could happen with any service! How do I find the right service? What questions should I be asking? I'm feeling a bit anxious about this, but I think it's a good next step.
Ugh, sorry, reread and you're in Alberta. I'm afraid I know even less about things in Canada. But maybe there's something comparable?
posted by less of course at 6:15 PM on January 14, 2020
posted by less of course at 6:15 PM on January 14, 2020
Response by poster: The hospital social worker was only involved until she was discharged from the hospital. I'm going to be honest, I think I wasn't the most pleasant person to deal with... which makes me suspect this is why they released her early without doing an assessment. They were dead set on doing one and then all of a sudden it was "she's being discharged, come get her." Supposedly they were going to do an assessment once she got settled on her new medications, but no word. Her regular physician hasn't mentioned anything.
The province's homecare is stretched pretty thin and I know they don't do cleaning, or anything like that.
posted by VirginiaPlain at 6:26 PM on January 14, 2020
The province's homecare is stretched pretty thin and I know they don't do cleaning, or anything like that.
posted by VirginiaPlain at 6:26 PM on January 14, 2020
My mom had this job when I was a kid. She was a “freelance” house cleaner but she advertised in the grocery store located in the senior living community and got most of her work word-of-mouth. She was hired by older people or their adult kids to go once a week, do light cleaning, and hang out, maybe have lunch with her clients. She had no qualifications on paper to check on meds or anything, but she’d ask and generally keep an eye.
She would not have been found through any online listing or social service, but folks in the neighborhood knew. Depending on how dense the older population is in your mom’s neighborhood, neighbors might have an idea of who does this.
posted by OrangeVelour at 6:39 PM on January 14, 2020
She would not have been found through any online listing or social service, but folks in the neighborhood knew. Depending on how dense the older population is in your mom’s neighborhood, neighbors might have an idea of who does this.
posted by OrangeVelour at 6:39 PM on January 14, 2020
I think yours is a fairly common situation. Don't be afraid to contact home care services and ask if their workers can be a little discreet about the nature of their employer when visiting your mom.
You can also try googling "senior companionship service". This one in particular has a page about cleaning services for seniors (linked) as well as a senior companionship service. I'll bet they can create a visit plan for your mom that is chores plus some bonus time for hanging out.
posted by itesser at 6:54 PM on January 14, 2020 [1 favorite]
You can also try googling "senior companionship service". This one in particular has a page about cleaning services for seniors (linked) as well as a senior companionship service. I'll bet they can create a visit plan for your mom that is chores plus some bonus time for hanging out.
posted by itesser at 6:54 PM on January 14, 2020 [1 favorite]
So, I can't generalize US to Canada, but here there are sort of separate things. Home Health visits wouldn't include cleaning but various other programs might. Where I am, it's called In Home Supportive Services and it's a monstrous bureaucracy but it does, once it goes through, provide for some hours, paid by the government, of a friend, family member, or (if need be) someone on a registry with the state, to go and do as many hours as were assessed for by a worker earlier in the process.
Here, you can also use Meals on Wheels as a stopgap, a pair of eyes on the person regularly to make sure like an ambulance doesn't need to be called or anything.
There might be some comparable stuff there. Call the social worker at the hospital if you still have a card, apologize for having been unpleasant, and once they faint from having someone apologize for anything and then hopefully regain consciousness, ask them if they know of any options for people in your situation, which you can explain as you have here.
It's very possible they released her early because some doctor decided insurance probably wasn't going to pay for anything else. Hospitals, and I don't mean to cast stones but I think this is their reality, are extremely driven by these concerns. I have had clients who got sent back to obviously unsafe homes I think because another night in the hospital wouldn't have been profitable for the hospital.
posted by less of course at 7:50 PM on January 14, 2020 [1 favorite]
Here, you can also use Meals on Wheels as a stopgap, a pair of eyes on the person regularly to make sure like an ambulance doesn't need to be called or anything.
There might be some comparable stuff there. Call the social worker at the hospital if you still have a card, apologize for having been unpleasant, and once they faint from having someone apologize for anything and then hopefully regain consciousness, ask them if they know of any options for people in your situation, which you can explain as you have here.
It's very possible they released her early because some doctor decided insurance probably wasn't going to pay for anything else. Hospitals, and I don't mean to cast stones but I think this is their reality, are extremely driven by these concerns. I have had clients who got sent back to obviously unsafe homes I think because another night in the hospital wouldn't have been profitable for the hospital.
posted by less of course at 7:50 PM on January 14, 2020 [1 favorite]
You're looking for an unskilled care service. That is, a home health service that can do things like help her in and out of bed and to the bathroom, but can't do any actual medical stuff. Usually, these service also include light housecleaning services (washing dishes, sweeping, taking out trash, etc.) There are tons of them. Most skilled-care services also offer unskilled-care, as well.
posted by Thorzdad at 3:59 AM on January 15, 2020
posted by Thorzdad at 3:59 AM on January 15, 2020
Not in Canada so forgive me if this isn't useful but have you checked out this senior support information at https://www.alberta.ca/ they have information for caregivers and resources for seniors aging in the community.
posted by AlexiaSky at 4:29 AM on January 15, 2020
posted by AlexiaSky at 4:29 AM on January 15, 2020
http://www.caregiversalberta.ca may also be an applicable resource.
posted by AlexiaSky at 4:35 AM on January 15, 2020
posted by AlexiaSky at 4:35 AM on January 15, 2020
I understand her concern with Assisted Living. I am 90 and live in an INDEPENDENT LIVING facility. I have my own space, and it is well organized with many options for eating, exercise, trips, etc.
I happen to love it.
posted by JayRwv at 6:48 AM on January 15, 2020 [6 favorites]
I happen to love it.
posted by JayRwv at 6:48 AM on January 15, 2020 [6 favorites]
This is completely do-able and reasonable, and many companies that provide skilled home care will also provide companion care and light housekeeping (good terms to google or look for). You just will have to pay for it out of pocket as opposed to having it paid for by Canadacare or whatever you call your insurance up there.
Start by googling companion services and the city she is in to get a list of the companies working in that area. I would look for places that do both companion care and light housekeeping. Then make some calls to get some quotes. I might ask about contracts (ie are you locked in for a set amount of time) and if your mom can request changes to the person who visits her within reason if there is some kind of issue.
I’d also encourage you to let yourself off the hook about your behavior at the hospital and how that did or didn’t play into your mom receiving an assessment. It’s more likely they decided to do or not do one based on your mom’s behavior (ie they thought she would easily pass) than yours. Unless you were throwing chairs and screaming obscenities at people, I guarantee you were not even close to the most difficult family member they had to deal with.
posted by jeoc at 8:08 AM on January 15, 2020 [2 favorites]
Start by googling companion services and the city she is in to get a list of the companies working in that area. I would look for places that do both companion care and light housekeeping. Then make some calls to get some quotes. I might ask about contracts (ie are you locked in for a set amount of time) and if your mom can request changes to the person who visits her within reason if there is some kind of issue.
I’d also encourage you to let yourself off the hook about your behavior at the hospital and how that did or didn’t play into your mom receiving an assessment. It’s more likely they decided to do or not do one based on your mom’s behavior (ie they thought she would easily pass) than yours. Unless you were throwing chairs and screaming obscenities at people, I guarantee you were not even close to the most difficult family member they had to deal with.
posted by jeoc at 8:08 AM on January 15, 2020 [2 favorites]
Please take it easy on yourself. If you were vocal in requiring appropriate care for your Mom, that's a good thing, and you were probably not as difficult as you think. If you want to assuage any (probably undeserved) guilt, send brownies, cookies or fruit to the nursing staff and a thank you note.
A cleaning service is a terrific idea. Not sure old people need different cleaning than young. If you can find an individual, not a big company, you can ask them to review some basic Mom issues, maybe heat up a meal for her, even shop for her. In the US, you'd look for someone bonded, a form of insurance. It's a smart thing to get a lockbox and secure it somewhere, and lock up valuables. Most people are honest, but some %age of everybody isn't, including cleaners.
Does Canada have regional Senior Organizations? If so, good resource.
posted by theora55 at 8:50 AM on January 15, 2020
A cleaning service is a terrific idea. Not sure old people need different cleaning than young. If you can find an individual, not a big company, you can ask them to review some basic Mom issues, maybe heat up a meal for her, even shop for her. In the US, you'd look for someone bonded, a form of insurance. It's a smart thing to get a lockbox and secure it somewhere, and lock up valuables. Most people are honest, but some %age of everybody isn't, including cleaners.
Does Canada have regional Senior Organizations? If so, good resource.
posted by theora55 at 8:50 AM on January 15, 2020
Yes, a home care service can do this. As others have said, this could be called "companion care" by home care agencies (not home HEALTH agencies which are more medical in nature). Other good search terms are home care aide, in-home help, non-medical home care.
As for what questions to ask, this page from Family Caregiver Alliance is really useful. The financial bits are based on the U.S., but the interview questions and training advice are solid. I also have access to a longer form workbook on training in home help that I can send by email if you MeMail me.
posted by assenav at 10:12 AM on January 15, 2020 [2 favorites]
As for what questions to ask, this page from Family Caregiver Alliance is really useful. The financial bits are based on the U.S., but the interview questions and training advice are solid. I also have access to a longer form workbook on training in home help that I can send by email if you MeMail me.
posted by assenav at 10:12 AM on January 15, 2020 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by less of course at 6:14 PM on January 14, 2020