Questions in the Human Relations category.
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September 10
I'm a 42-year-old male spinster – is there hope? :)
I'm a 42-year-old cishet guy in the US. I'd like to start dating for the first time in my life. My experience in romantic relationships is greater than zero, but still pretty spotty. And I'm extraordinarily self-conscious about revealing this fact to a stranger. I feel like it's a huge red flag which will send women screaming in the opposite direction. Seeking advice (and maybe a few success stories to encourage me). Strap in; this is long :) [more inside]
Help me deal with my mom’s deathbed disclosure
In her last days my mom disclosed that she had doubts about who my biological father was. DNA testing after her death has confirmed her suspicions. Now what? [more inside]
Strategies to tell people I avoid pleasing people?
Through my support worker, I realised that when I promise to please people I usually create a pattern in my own brain that sets me up to fail. I challenged this and the support worker successfully showed me how when I work to please myself, I actually get things done. When I work to please people, unless I do the work right then and there, I fail and then wait to be sanctioned or yelled at.
I need to tell people about this so they know how best to work with me. How do I do this? [more inside]
September 9
Sister says I need to come help retired parents clean out house
Should I travel cross country to go help my sister help my parents clean out their house so they can sell and downgrade to a smaller house? [more inside]
September 8
it it Chinese etiquette to bring a gift on a playdate?
My kid's friend always brings cute tasty gifts when she comes for playdates. Am I supposed to do this also? [more inside]
September 7
How can I be very busy and have a life at the same time?
Busy journalist in career transition looking for advice from people who are very productive professionally but still manage to do other stuff outside work (ie. have a life). Details inside. [more inside]
September 6
My wife wants joint ownership of the house I bought. I'm not so sure.
We've been married for 10+ years, no kids. A few years ago we found a home and I bought it with my money (inheritance). It's in my name, but we talked about the possibility of making her a co-owner. Now it’s come up again, and she wants/expects to be a co-owner. That’s the way married couples do it, she says. Relationship background ahead… [more inside]
Is this transphobic-filter Part II
So my work is at it again, trying so hard that they’re going to break something. Help me reality check my reaction; I am looking for input from queer community members, ideally from trans and NB and NGC peeps. What do we think about outing? [more inside]
September 5
Another question about dating and physical attraction?
I already have an idea of what the responses to this question will be but I still can't help it. I'm a 27M and have had one previous long term relationship. While I know I have a decent personality/am relatively charming/am interesting enough for dates, I'm not exactly stellar in the looks department... [more inside]
What does genuine, serious interest in dating look like?
I have a general, largely theoretical understanding of what the dating experience looks like when someone is serious about you. But the "devil is in the details," and I'd love to hear anecdotes, stories, or specific examples from early dating stages prior to exclusivity. [more inside]
Should a teenager go to another country with girlfriend for a month?
My son wants to spend a month in another country with his girlfriend next summer. He'll be seventeen, she'll be eighteen. Where do I start to figure out if this is a good idea? [more inside]
September 4
What trivial, obnoxious habits have you quit?
Okay, so without really thinking about it I was sometimes in the habit of...not refilling the water on the shared espresso machine at work* on the theory that other people never refilled it either so I often had to do it before making espresso. Though perhaps justified, this is obnoxious behavior and I am making a point of refilling the machine now. I would like to be a better - or at least less annoying - person by dealing with minor bad habits of which I may be only partially aware. What small annoying things have you stopped doing? [more inside]
My dad's gone, his stuff isn't, what do I/we do with it all?
My dad died three weeks ago and he was a ...collector. My brothers and I are now facing the task of getting rid of all of this stuff and I've found myself struggling with the way that economics/"value" is mixed up in my head with the emotional attachments. I want/need to hear stories about how other people disentangled their heads and hearts in order to sell/give away their parents' treasured belongings. [more inside]
September 3
Hello? Are you paying attention? Where are you?
I’m feeling not present after life changes. How did you overcome? [more inside]
What are the limits of post relationship ethics?
My relationship is ending, do I have an obligation to inform my soon to be ex about her new guy? [more inside]
September 2
Dating while complicated
I am dating someone I really like. Great. However, I am also raiding a disabled child and have an ex who is a huge, unpredictable financial burden. I feel like it's not fair to ask someone to be in a serious relationship with me. Should I just wait 10+ years until these issues are outgrown to date? [more inside]
August 31
quick spanish help
My spanish used to be pretty decent, but it's almost 10 years since I used it on a regular basis. Can someone please write a script and all the useful phrases for an important phone call I need to make today? It is to ask a funeral home in Central America to order flowers for someone who died. [more inside]
August 30
Recovering from a breakup
I just finally got out of a terrible four-year relationship where I was lied to and manipulated. I'm having a hard time keeping my center now and not doing crazy things that I will regret later. [more inside]
"Not everything needs to be difficult." Whaaaat...??
Through therapy, I have come to realize that I was raised to believe that everything is incredibly hard. Each task is onerous, life is one catastrophe after another, people will expect SO much of you, and you must read into, interpret, and respond to the moods, energies & subtle behaviours of others because that is the way we care for them. Thanks to my upbringing, I now excel in the art of overcomplicating things! How did you re-learn? [more inside]
Buyer's panic
I'm in the middle of a divorce, have just bought an apartment and am filled with anxiety about the purchase, convinced I have made a mistake: paid too much, overlooked some serious flaws. I can't go back and TBH, the anxiety is about more than the apartment. Help? [more inside]