Ideas for a token of appreciation for good neighbors to my old parents?
February 20, 2025 10:30 AM Subscribe
My parents are in their mid-to-late 70s and are slowing down. They have lived in the same house for almost 50 years (300+ miles from where I am now) and have "new" neighbors in the last 18 months who are exceptionally nice and I want to show them some appreciation without making it weird.
The neighbors are immigrants from Bosnia and they help my parents by clearing snow or lifting packages, and sometimes they bring them little homebaked treats or flowers. In turn, my mom bakes cookies and sends notes. It's a lovely thing and it is a big relief to me to know just that someone is showing care to my parents. I want to do something nice for the neighbors just to show them that they are appreciated and kind but I feel like a gift card would be transactional and a dinner or something would be hard for me to schedule. And I want to be sensitive to any cultural norms.
Do you have any ideas about a proper way to show appreciation to kind neighbors (when they are not YOUR kind neighbors)?
The neighbors are immigrants from Bosnia and they help my parents by clearing snow or lifting packages, and sometimes they bring them little homebaked treats or flowers. In turn, my mom bakes cookies and sends notes. It's a lovely thing and it is a big relief to me to know just that someone is showing care to my parents. I want to do something nice for the neighbors just to show them that they are appreciated and kind but I feel like a gift card would be transactional and a dinner or something would be hard for me to schedule. And I want to be sensitive to any cultural norms.
Do you have any ideas about a proper way to show appreciation to kind neighbors (when they are not YOUR kind neighbors)?
Best answer: I would write them a handwritten note thanking them. Mention how living 300 miles away, their help and consideration is comforting to know. I do not think you have to gift them anything other than a sincere thank you.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 11:08 AM on February 20 [10 favorites]
posted by JohnnyGunn at 11:08 AM on February 20 [10 favorites]
Best answer: I second the handwritten note of thanks, and would add that if they don't already have your contact information (phone, email, whatever you're comfortable with) to include that, in case they need to reach you in an emergency involving your parents.
posted by spamloaf at 11:17 AM on February 20 [9 favorites]
posted by spamloaf at 11:17 AM on February 20 [9 favorites]
Best answer: We were those neighbours to a couple like your parents and the suggestion of the handwritten note would be a good one, though unnecessary. Definitely include your contact info though, in case they need to reach you, since they'll be the ones to see ambulances and other happenings and can observe the day to day status of your parents at close proximity. That was often a source of stress for us - that we didn't know how to get ahold of their kids if we needed to.
Our neighbours thanked us all the time and the bond we grew through that was more than enough compensation for our help - they also repaid us in stories and knowledge and just generally being good neighbours in other ways. The only hard part is that we kind of gained a new set of parents to worry about and watching them have medical issues and get settled into their new place recently has been almost as difficult as it is with our own parents! Gah now I'm weeping.
posted by urbanlenny at 11:45 AM on February 20 [8 favorites]
Our neighbours thanked us all the time and the bond we grew through that was more than enough compensation for our help - they also repaid us in stories and knowledge and just generally being good neighbours in other ways. The only hard part is that we kind of gained a new set of parents to worry about and watching them have medical issues and get settled into their new place recently has been almost as difficult as it is with our own parents! Gah now I'm weeping.
posted by urbanlenny at 11:45 AM on February 20 [8 favorites]
Best answer: It's awesome of you!
We have been the kind neighbors, and it's our pleasure -- but it's still extra nice to know that the far-off family values our involvement (and doesn't see us as weirdos or interlopers). Any gesture will be pooh-poohed as unnecessary, but secretly will be very flattering. Send flowers and a note, maybe?
(We're not Bosnian, but who's to say that the kind neighbors aren't busily trying to Americanize themselves?)
Like urbanlenny, the older couple who we used to live next door to are still very friendly -- even though we both moved away a dozen years ago! My wife visits once or twice a year, we swap cards and calls, and I very much view them as part of our larger "chosen family."
posted by wenestvedt at 12:00 PM on February 20 [2 favorites]
We have been the kind neighbors, and it's our pleasure -- but it's still extra nice to know that the far-off family values our involvement (and doesn't see us as weirdos or interlopers). Any gesture will be pooh-poohed as unnecessary, but secretly will be very flattering. Send flowers and a note, maybe?
(We're not Bosnian, but who's to say that the kind neighbors aren't busily trying to Americanize themselves?)
Like urbanlenny, the older couple who we used to live next door to are still very friendly -- even though we both moved away a dozen years ago! My wife visits once or twice a year, we swap cards and calls, and I very much view them as part of our larger "chosen family."
posted by wenestvedt at 12:00 PM on February 20 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Thanks to each of you for your answers. As I read them, I realized that we are this for our own neighbors (including especially the snow clearing/yardwork bit) and it would feel weird for me to get a gift from their kids. So I will go with a nice note and my contact info.
posted by AgentRocket at 2:16 PM on February 20 [2 favorites]
posted by AgentRocket at 2:16 PM on February 20 [2 favorites]
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posted by whatevernot at 10:34 AM on February 20