Questions in the Human Relations category.
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February 16

My girlfriend is super cheap and I don't know how to deal with it

My girlfriend is super cheap and I don't know how to deal with it. [more inside]
posted by kbbbo at 12:44 PM - 47 answers

How to have good boundries with younger friends

Mid-30s man making friends with people who are in their early 20s. I'd like to do this right, and build healthy friendships, while also being mindful of the power difference, experience difference, and maturity difference. [more inside]
posted by rebent at 7:56 AM - 18 answers

February 15

How is being married different from not being married?

I'm in a happy, committed relationship where marriage is on the table but not a huge priority for either of us. I'm wondering how marriage makes life different, in ways that I may not have thought of. [more inside]
posted by anonymous at 11:38 PM - 37 answers

How to friend after a crush?

I made this great friend last year. Long story short, he developed a crush on me, which led to me developing a crush on him. It was all very stupid, because I'm a happily married woman. He eventually let the cat out of the bag to see if I was interested than friendship, but I did the right thing and broke his heart. Sigh. Now what? [more inside]
posted by anonymous at 11:38 PM - 17 answers

Mixed-orientation marriages where both parties are gay & happy?

Usual depictions of mixed-orientation marriages tend to involve a closeted gay partner and a not-very-willing straight spouse (often a gay man & a straight woman, though sometimes the reverse happens), or a lesbian and a gay man in a marriage of convenience to appease family/cultural expectations. Are there examples where both parties are willing and happy with the relationship? I'm especially interested in a lesbian & gay man happily married to each other (doesn't have to be monogamous), but gay & straight are OK too.
posted by divabat at 3:59 PM - 10 answers

Should I keep trying to have more communication with partner?

I've been with my partner about 9 months.. We see each other once a week, stay overnight then often spend the day together. When we're together, I really enjoy his company, he's interesting, kind, funny and thoughtful. In between, he doesn't like to speak on the phone or text or whatsapp. He emails every day, and I reply. Emailing alone doesn't really work for me. My main question is: Is it worth persevering? Tried to speak about it a few times but nothing really changed. [more inside]
posted by blue_eyes at 3:00 PM - 20 answers

Sending something for news of sickness

One of my relatives just got diagnosed with leukemia. I want to do something for the family but I'm not sure what. Ideas? [more inside]
posted by crunchy potato at 2:42 PM - 11 answers

A mantra for dealing with difficult people

What it says on the tin. I have a manager who lets her personal issues get in the way of treating her subordinates with fairness and respect. I need a short mantra to save my sanity and get through the days. [more inside]
posted by onecircleaday at 7:07 AM - 31 answers

February 14

What are the most awkward parts of your job, and how do you handle them?

What expected or unexpected things are awkward for you at work, in a human-interaction cringeworthy sense? How do you deal with them? Have you gotten better? [more inside]
posted by amicamentis at 1:12 PM - 31 answers

PDX Couples Counseling, 2019 edition

My partner and I are looking for a lesbian-friendly couples counselor in Portland, OR. Geographically, it would be best if they were west of the Willamette and north of Cornell. Beaverton would work too. Previous questions on this topic are from 2012 and 2011, so perhaps there are some new recommendations out there :).
posted by elmay at 8:36 AM - 2 answers

February 13

Finding a poly-friendly therapist in NYC

My partner and I are looking for a great therapist in NYC who can help us talk about, and think through, a possible shift to polyamory. [more inside]
posted by anonymous at 9:55 AM - 6 answers

February 12

there there brain

I've started settling into my life professionally and geographically and such, but my hypervigilant brain is still taking its sweet time relaxing. One area of focus, obviously a large one: non-work time alone. What are some good habits or hobbies or whatnot that communicate the opposite of "you must constantly be manuveuring yourself into new futures/lives/possibilities to avoid being blindsided and hurt"? [more inside]
posted by elephantsvanish at 8:21 PM - 14 answers

Responding sensitively to sexual abuse disclosure

Possible trigger warning for discussion of sexual abuse/violence: over the past several months, I've developed a strong platonic friendship with a younger man I met through work. Partly due to our jobs, we've had a number of deep discussions about things like feminism, toxic masculinity, and sexual violence. A couple of days ago, during one of these intense conversations, I sensed that he was edging closer to disclosing a personal history of abuse. (I won't go into detail about why, but please accept that there are Reasons for this feeling.) [more inside]
posted by rpfields at 4:06 PM - 9 answers

Friend's inconsistent behavior is driving me nuts. What's the deal here?

Friend constantly switches between complimenting/praising me for certain attributes/accomplishments and targeted bullying of same attributes/accomplishments. I can't seem to predict which side they're on at any given moment or what triggers it but it's getting to the point where I don't want to be around them for very long anymore. I find it extremely confusing and painful as it feels like they're only being pointedly cruel to me. What could be the issue here and how do I approach it? [more inside]
posted by Young Kullervo at 12:05 PM - 44 answers

Stick my experienced nose in other business

I have been hired by a team at a company where a different team previously rejected me. Given the circumstances below the fold, should I/how do I approach the current director of the latter team to offer my experience? [more inside]
posted by Everydayville at 11:59 AM - 9 answers

how to handle a worrying text message

A newer member of an informal group sent an angry, sort of threatening text message to another, super nice, member. We don't all know each other that well, and it's a mystery where the anger is coming from. [more inside]
posted by anonymous at 5:29 AM - 36 answers

February 11

I've never been single while in recovery, and I'm not sure what to do

I have been in relationships pretty much my entire adult life - I've had a combined period of about a year of singledom in my twenties, but otherwise have pretty much jumped from relationship to relationship. I am in a relationship with someone I love dearly, but I am concerned that I don't really know who I am outside of the context of a relationship, and I want to find that out. I need advice on how to precede or alternative ways of navigating this. [more inside]
posted by anonymous at 8:13 AM - 13 answers

February 10

Communication between busy adult children & not-busy parents

How do you manage expectations of contact frequency and communication at a distance? I think my adult relationship with my parents needs a process-focused reboot, and I’m looking for ideas and suggestions on long distance communication styles. [more inside]
posted by anonymous at 3:23 PM - 39 answers


I have this friend, who is a complex character that I have seen a therapist about and THEY didn't know what to make of him. He's costing me my mental health with a ganja habit that has very clearly, for years, been terrible for me to be around - words that have come out of my mouth - and there are too many behaviors to ask for behavior changes. And he is my roommate now because Life and Stupidity. How do I DTMFA with my circumstances? [more inside]
posted by thebotanyofsouls at 7:41 AM - 25 answers

Non-physical ways to show affection

What are non-physical ways of showing affection? I'm looking for examples that work for a long distance romantic couple who might not be able to see each other very often, so physical things like squeezes and hugs are not possible most of the time. The kind of affection I mean the most is the little connecting things that couples do that form a sort of inner communication within the relationship that brings the couple together or reconnects them to one another, keeping their connection strong. Any kind welcome, verbal especially. Thanks for all your ideas!
posted by fairlynearlyready at 1:36 AM - 20 answers

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