how to: maximize the fun of having a CRUSH!
February 25, 2025 6:55 AM Subscribe
when you've had a really good crush, what made it fun? what things did you do / choose to focus on (or NOT focus on) that made it fun and good?
Asking from the perspective of someone prone to anxiety and overly categorical thinking, which can easily infect otherwise lovely mindsets and times of life. purposely keeping this very open-ended and general, any input welcome!
Despite my brain's naturally pessimistic wiring - I have a CRUSH right now, for the first time in forever, and it is WONDERFUL! as I reflect on past crushes, very few of them stayed fun for very long, as they often get subsumed by my perfectionism and overthinking and need to run around doing or categorizing a million things. I would like to challenge this inclination and to stay present to the fun, vibrant aspects of having a crush!
The tiniest bit of context - I have no idea if this other person is single, looking, shares my monogamy preference, or is attracted to my gender (or me). we met up once in a non-dating context and will likely meet up again in some way shape or form.
I am tempted to write a further extended explanation of this specific crush in order to invite feedback, but I know from experience that getting said input will activate my perfectionist "do a million things perfectly to solve this ambiguity RIGHT NOW" mode.
really I am most interested in general advice! please pelt me with your best tricks for enjoying the hell out of a crush. thank you.
Despite my brain's naturally pessimistic wiring - I have a CRUSH right now, for the first time in forever, and it is WONDERFUL! as I reflect on past crushes, very few of them stayed fun for very long, as they often get subsumed by my perfectionism and overthinking and need to run around doing or categorizing a million things. I would like to challenge this inclination and to stay present to the fun, vibrant aspects of having a crush!
The tiniest bit of context - I have no idea if this other person is single, looking, shares my monogamy preference, or is attracted to my gender (or me). we met up once in a non-dating context and will likely meet up again in some way shape or form.
I am tempted to write a further extended explanation of this specific crush in order to invite feedback, but I know from experience that getting said input will activate my perfectionist "do a million things perfectly to solve this ambiguity RIGHT NOW" mode.
really I am most interested in general advice! please pelt me with your best tricks for enjoying the hell out of a crush. thank you.
Best answer: Some of the fun parts: if you're connected on social media, doing things so you can post about them, with the anticipation that they might see your posts. Planning things to do where you might run into them. Learning more about things you know they're interested in, which is a fun process of discovery in itself. Working on looks or outfits you might want to wear around them. Meeting other people who are clearly into you and feeling like you have a secret smile that's only for your crush, like you're saving your real thoughts and affection for someone else. Reading stories and questions people have written online or in books or magazines about similar scenarios to what you have going on with the crush.
posted by limeonaire at 8:20 AM on February 25 [6 favorites]
posted by limeonaire at 8:20 AM on February 25 [6 favorites]
Making a playlist of fun crush songs, I really enjoyed that back in the day. And just having...HOPE in my life, really, that was great.
But AAAA has a point about getting it over with and asking them out and finding out one way or another if your little crush hopes need to be squashed ASAP instead of dragging out for years.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:38 AM on February 25 [9 favorites]
But AAAA has a point about getting it over with and asking them out and finding out one way or another if your little crush hopes need to be squashed ASAP instead of dragging out for years.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:38 AM on February 25 [9 favorites]
Another fun thing: Gossip with at least one trusted friend about the crush. Having a crush is a societally acceptable way to talk about someone you don't necessarily know very well as if you do, and it's kind of fun to make it into your own personal soap opera.
If you do that, of course, be careful your musings about this person won't inadvertently be shared or posted anywhere by the friend you share it with, and they won't try to steal your crush out of some weird sense of competition or otherwise take actions you wouldn't want on your behalf. Just make sure you're gossiping with a true wingman or wingwoman who you can trust and who can help you plot next steps, like fun outings to post on social media and other types of would-be encounters with your crush.
It's a lot of fun to share a crush with a trusted confidante!
posted by limeonaire at 8:39 AM on February 25 [4 favorites]
If you do that, of course, be careful your musings about this person won't inadvertently be shared or posted anywhere by the friend you share it with, and they won't try to steal your crush out of some weird sense of competition or otherwise take actions you wouldn't want on your behalf. Just make sure you're gossiping with a true wingman or wingwoman who you can trust and who can help you plot next steps, like fun outings to post on social media and other types of would-be encounters with your crush.
It's a lot of fun to share a crush with a trusted confidante!
posted by limeonaire at 8:39 AM on February 25 [4 favorites]
Oh, also, watching movies and TV shows that remind you of the crush and/or help you learn something about their background or interests.
posted by limeonaire at 8:42 AM on February 25 [2 favorites]
posted by limeonaire at 8:42 AM on February 25 [2 favorites]
Read about crushes and the emotions and limerence so you are aware of what you are feeling and the surge of hormones racing through your body.
The world is a big mess right now, so use your upbeat, positive energy to ... actually feel upbeat and positive right now.
posted by bluedaisy at 8:56 AM on February 25 [2 favorites]
The world is a big mess right now, so use your upbeat, positive energy to ... actually feel upbeat and positive right now.
posted by bluedaisy at 8:56 AM on February 25 [2 favorites]
If you want to actually pursue this in the real world, I recommend not lingering in the crush state for too long; it can create a bit of an imbalance and make things wonky when dealing with an actual person.
If this is the 'I'll never tell' kind of crush, then just.. have fun? Indulge in daydreaming. Live it up. I crush rarely but there does come a time when the addictive edge of it starts to get kind of miserable and exhausting, so maybe just let yourself enjoy it while the high is good.
Either way, a lovely side benefit of a crush is the energy it gives you for self-improvement, home improvement, exploration of interests or aspects of yourself that you like, etc. and I recommend you take advantage of that.
posted by wormtales at 9:50 AM on February 25 [3 favorites]
If this is the 'I'll never tell' kind of crush, then just.. have fun? Indulge in daydreaming. Live it up. I crush rarely but there does come a time when the addictive edge of it starts to get kind of miserable and exhausting, so maybe just let yourself enjoy it while the high is good.
Either way, a lovely side benefit of a crush is the energy it gives you for self-improvement, home improvement, exploration of interests or aspects of yourself that you like, etc. and I recommend you take advantage of that.
posted by wormtales at 9:50 AM on February 25 [3 favorites]
seconding the music part
if it turns out there's some mutual crushing going on, an exchange of music is something I always look forward to.. the music I want to share, the music my crush introduces me to, it's a great part of this phase
I hope it's not too much of a downer to also echo what others have said: maintaining this "crush state" may not be healthy, I think back to when I was crushing and I imagine the chemicals exploding in my brain at the time, all well and good, but over a prolonged period? No thanks!
posted by ginger.beef at 11:10 AM on February 25 [2 favorites]
if it turns out there's some mutual crushing going on, an exchange of music is something I always look forward to.. the music I want to share, the music my crush introduces me to, it's a great part of this phase
I hope it's not too much of a downer to also echo what others have said: maintaining this "crush state" may not be healthy, I think back to when I was crushing and I imagine the chemicals exploding in my brain at the time, all well and good, but over a prolonged period? No thanks!
posted by ginger.beef at 11:10 AM on February 25 [2 favorites]
Journaling about your thoughts, feelings, and interactions with the crush. Especially if you don't want anyone to know about it or don't have anyone to confide in, being able to "talk to" an imaginary audience in the form of a written journal helps to vent all those big crushy emotions. I even write down my favorite daydreams about them, because I am very much a textual/linguistic visualizer.
I make playlists for any and all phases and events in my life, so inevitably there will be a list of songs that I associate with a crush and listen to on repeat. But beware if things go badly, you may not be able to enjoy listening to those songs anymore.
I find that feeling inspired to put more effort into looking my best is super fun, but also annoying if I put on a great outfit and then the crush doesn't see it. Feels like a waste! But worth the payoff imo when the crush comments positively on my look. In a similar vein, choosing a fragrance and putting it on while imagining your crush getting close enough to catch the scent.
I guess I've never been the sort to be satisfied with crushing on someone from afar indefinitely and never moving out of secret crush mode. As others have noted, putting someone on a pedestal and building them up endlessly can go from fun to horribly painful right quick. Thus, part of the fun of crushing for me is actually interacting with that person and discovering who they are. Thinking of interesting questions to ask them and fun things to invite them to do with you. Finding interests you have in common and deep-diving into those. Re-reading our text conversations, especially the flirty parts.
posted by keep it under cover at 11:34 AM on February 25 [2 favorites]
I make playlists for any and all phases and events in my life, so inevitably there will be a list of songs that I associate with a crush and listen to on repeat. But beware if things go badly, you may not be able to enjoy listening to those songs anymore.
I find that feeling inspired to put more effort into looking my best is super fun, but also annoying if I put on a great outfit and then the crush doesn't see it. Feels like a waste! But worth the payoff imo when the crush comments positively on my look. In a similar vein, choosing a fragrance and putting it on while imagining your crush getting close enough to catch the scent.
I guess I've never been the sort to be satisfied with crushing on someone from afar indefinitely and never moving out of secret crush mode. As others have noted, putting someone on a pedestal and building them up endlessly can go from fun to horribly painful right quick. Thus, part of the fun of crushing for me is actually interacting with that person and discovering who they are. Thinking of interesting questions to ask them and fun things to invite them to do with you. Finding interests you have in common and deep-diving into those. Re-reading our text conversations, especially the flirty parts.
posted by keep it under cover at 11:34 AM on February 25 [2 favorites]
I had a long and terrible crush on a woman who was into a lot of stuff I didn't know much about, like performance art and noise music. I went to these types of events with her because I wanted to spend time with her, and I paid close attention so I would have something interesting to say to her afterward. But it was actually pretty cool to have a reason to engage with art I might not have understood or cared about before and I had a lot of fun. So if the person you like has an interest or hobby you don't share, it might be cool to experience it with them and try to see it from a different perspective.
And also I agree with everyone who suggested dressing up when you think you might see this person somewhere. It's fun, and the person you like may not be the only person paying attention to how good you look.
posted by birthday cake at 10:14 PM on February 25 [4 favorites]
And also I agree with everyone who suggested dressing up when you think you might see this person somewhere. It's fun, and the person you like may not be the only person paying attention to how good you look.
posted by birthday cake at 10:14 PM on February 25 [4 favorites]
Response by poster: thanks all! I will do my best to enjoy this while it's enjoyable, but I appreciate the nudge to not get lost in my daydreams too long. I have a few more days of limerence before pragmatic real life comes for me - inspired by comments here, I invited said crush to IRL plans next week. she accepted ✧(ꈍᴗꈍ)✧
posted by seemoorglass at 6:06 AM on February 27 [6 favorites]
posted by seemoorglass at 6:06 AM on February 27 [6 favorites]
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The most fun you can have with a crush is turning it into an actual relationship, which means challenging your idealized image of this person by talking to them and feeling out whether they are as wonderful as you think they are, and also whether they are interested in you — and potentially dealing with disappointment if they aren’t.
This doesn’t mean instantly resolving ambiguity. It means flirting with them a little, reading signs and being clear-eyed about what you see. And then moving on if you need to.
posted by AAAA at 7:21 AM on February 25 [8 favorites]