Help me get over this.
March 30, 2011 7:55 AM Subscribe
Relationship ended. Fine. Now how do I get over him?
posted by floweredfish to Human Relations (32 answers total) 31 users marked this as a favorite
After crazy dating last summer I finally started dating a guy friend in September. We became exclusive in October. We spent tons of time together, traveled together, everything seemed to be going great. I'm 30, he's 35 (if that makes any difference).
I found out that he had committment-phobia, but whatever. We took things slowly and after he told me about this phobia, things seemed to be fine, his actions stated that he was into me, so I didn't think otherwise.
7-8 months into the relationship I blurted out that I loved him, because I couldn't hold it in any longer - because I did love him. He said "Thank you". Things continued to be fine from there on out and we went on a vacation together. Nothing out of the ordinary happened.
A month after the ILY incident, last week he told me that he loves spending time with me and I'm a great girl, but he doesn't see himself falling in love with me. Ever. I kindly and quietly asked him to get out of my sight because I was crushed, even though he started with the whole "I hope we stay friends" song and dance. I was calm and stoic and after he left my house I broke down. Last week I was completely paralyzed by this break-up and barely left the house. I haven't heard from him since "The talk" and haven't tried to contact him. I deleted his number from my phone so I can't call or text him and I haven't emailed him - no contact. I have texted back and forth with a few of his friends who seemed to be upset about all of this but that's about it.
Ok fine, so we broke up because he doesn't love me. However, this is killing me because I lost both a lover and a friend. I keep incessantly checking my emails and phone, wondering if he'll email or call or text to say that he wants me back (if he did though, I doubt I'd agree to getting back together - I'm devastated over this and that's not my style). I keep thinking about him and just want to stop but don't know how. I know I will eventually get through all of this, but what can I do to get through it besides hanging out with friends, cleaning the hell out of my house, reading, exercising and focusing on work? It's hard. It's really, really hard because I loved him so much. I have a few volunteer activities planned in the next month or two and am a member of a social club which will open up in June, but where these things are a little ways off, what do I do RIGHT NOW?
FWIW, I've decided to take at the very least, the summer off from dating all together and perhaps even the fall as well. I think I just need time off and am ok with this. I need to just focus on myself for awhile and enjoy life and my friends and my interests. This isn't to say that I'm going to completely eschew all dating opportunities should they arise, but I'm not actively seeking anything out. I just need a break.
But in the interim, how the heck do I move out of the devastated phase and into this focus-on-me-and-love-life-alone phase?