My whole f*cking life is a wreck/I'm desperate, get used to it?
June 4, 2008 9:39 PM Subscribe
Don't be desperate. Okay, how?
posted by anonymous to human relations (24 answers total) 44 users marked this as a favorite
So, I got dumped by my first love. It's your typical sordid story; we'd been together 3+ years, were living together, gonna get married, blah blah blah blah. He left me & moved out about 2 months ago (57 days but hey! who's counting?)
I've been a good girl; I've read all the posts tagged "breakup" and listened to lots of kindly advice. I know I'm not over it yet and I know I'll get there eventually, and that time's the major thing that will help. Here are some things I've been doing to try to heal:
* Drinking, probably a bit to excess (I know, I know, but I'm heartbroken and in my early twenties, gimme a break)
* Keeping busy (I've joined a band, taught myself to sew, started a million projects)
* Redecorating/cleaning my house so it's a comfortable place for me to be
* Relying on the amazing kindness and support of my friends
* Trying to enjoy having alone time (I actually went to a show all by myself recently!)
* Going out dancing at every possible opportunity
* Exercising (I've practically worn my poor bike to pieces)
* Masturbating. A lot. (hey hey anonymity)
* Crying when I feel like crying
* Studiously avoiding any movie or television show with the slightest suggestion of conjugal happiness
I've been on a few dates and I've had a few one-night stands. I think I'm probably doing okay, more or less. I haven't called the ex even once and I don't even think about him all that often. But lately (say, the past few weeks) I've been overwhelmed with need for love and attention of the non-Platonic variety. Like, for serious overwhelmed--I'll pass someone (anyone) on the street and all I can think about is falling in love with them, or them falling in love with me, or dragging them into an alley and riding them till my thighs blister. Or I'll go out with someone and then spend days stalking them on Facebook. I troll craigslist missed connections constantly. I'm expending a ridiculous amount of mental energy on this stuff (the longing, the fantasies, the obsessions) and I'm having a really hard time not doing it. I feel like I'm 15 again.
I don't think I'm acting too insanely desperate, but I damn sure am feeling that way. How do I stop thinking about potential romantic/sexual partners All. The. Time.? And how do I get used to only having sex once every few weeks, if that? (I suspect that's a significant part of the problem.) Am I just going to have to wait it out, or is this what being single feels like? I sure don't remember it this way.