I don’t remember how to be single. Help?
posted by sock puppet of mystery! to Human Relations (38 answers total) 46 users marked this as a favorite
So, last night I walked home alone after my late-twenties birthday bash, the only one at the party to do so. I was in a relationship, and now I am not: though it was upsetting and sudden, he had to move across the country, so we ended things. For the first time in four years, I am single (before this, I was in a three-year relationship that I thought would be my last, so, of course, it ended badly).
I don’t really know what to do with myself. It feels weird that I don’t know what to do with myself. But I don’t. The thing is – when I look back at my single years for guidance, I look back at myself when I was 20-23 years old. I was very different then. At the time, I hung out with my friends and had casual dalliances with boys. I felt there was no use in having a relationship with a man, as men were for sexing, not relating. I had tons of free time to do whatever I wanted, wander the city, and generally bask in the glorious frivolity of my early twenties. Now, however, I am about a thousand times busier, working on what you could label my career, in addition to a number of other outside projects. My friends are less up for wandering, as they’re partnered and puttering about the house, and even if I am still a huge fan of sexing (hell, even more so than I ever was before), casual sex isn’t fun in the way it used to be. It has lost its appeal and seems lacking. I want something more. But I also have no intention of rushing into a relationship, just because.
The thing is: I do not know what to do with my time. What do busy people do with their time when they’re single? With the boyfriend, we used to camp out in a coffeeshop so he could read while I would work, and that was a fun little slice of multitasking. Now when I am alone with my latte and my laptop, I feel like I'm moping. A part of me was thinking about how it would be nice to meet someone new, but I don’t know how to make that happen given my introversion, my schedule, and my newfound rejection of hookups, in addition to not wanting to jump into yet another heartbreak. And there’s always just “going about and living your own life,” but things have undergone so many changes recently that I don’t know what that means when applied to me.
I guess the question is: if you are single and busy (the type to work 60-70 hours a week), what the hell do you do with your free time? Are you dating? Avoiding dating? Going to restaurants and galleries alone? Finding new, single friends to go with you? What on earth do you actually do, in concrete terms? Because I feel that I am drifting from coffeeshop to coffeeshop, and it’s kind of an awful feeling…
P.S. Before anyone goes down this road: don't suggest online dating, please. Thanks.
P.P.S. Yeah, I hate to add yet another rambling, emo question to the human relations section, but I feel like I need actual concrete advice here; when I woke up this beautiful, sunny morning, I had several hours free, but couldn't think of what to do with myself, so I just sat down at my desk and worked. Which...sucks.