Questions in the Human Relations category.
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September 26

What to do when you're The Friend Who Is Okay and you're not okay

I'm an adult in my 40s and am generally an easy and undemanding friend, despite high-functioning depression. Lately I am not okay, and I want some support from friends who value me as easy and undemanding. How do I navigate this shift in role? [more inside]
posted by anonymous at 2:14 AM - 10 answers

September 25

Ex why?

I've gone out with this guy a few times, and I cannot make out if my general..bemusement with how he talks about his ex is warranted or not. Details follow. [more inside]
posted by Nieshka at 8:26 AM - 36 answers

Teaching a 13-year-old he has agency

Nihilism is part of puberty and can be a marker of being "cool." Still, cynicism without hope during this time in history is disconcerting for me. Are there concepts I can discuss with a kiddo who does have some challenges that he would understand and that don't make me seem like a Pollyanna and/or and things we could do or see that might help him, gently, feel agency in his own life? [more inside]
posted by youdontmakefriendswithsalad at 7:12 AM - 11 answers

Only kind of put your load right on me.

How to be empathic about anxiety without giving myself anxiety at the same time? [more inside]
posted by anonymous at 2:59 AM - 15 answers

If only I could perform an ex-orcism...

[I'M BROKEN FIX MEEE filter] I'm always worrying that my SOs are holding a torch for an ex - and that I'm a figurative waiting room - what's the best response? [more inside]
posted by anonymous at 2:59 AM - 17 answers

September 24

Advice for better book club sessions?

6 meetings into a newly formed local history book club, and while we've got good material and smart members, our discussions have been a little rambling, formless, and scattershot. I am looking for suggestions (either full sets of guidelines or just tidbits of practical advice) from seasoned book club members that will get us to more satisfying and comprehensive discussions.
posted by ryanshepard at 6:34 PM - 4 answers

Ex restarts things, but gets cold feet?

An ex-girlfriend of mine initiated a return to romance I reciprocated. She still seems interested, but seems to have cold feet about committing. I’m happy to do things slowly if that’s what she needs— but how do I tell when ’not ready for a committed relationship right now’ means ‘not ready ever’, and how do I effectively discuss my concerns about this? Extended snowflakes inside. [more inside]
posted by sidek at 6:16 PM - 8 answers

How can I help my depressed friend? CAN I help him?

My best friend is clearly stuck in a spiral of poor health and depression that may end up being the death of him, but he lives on the other side of the country and I feel worried and helpless. What, if anything, can I do to help him? [more inside]
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:00 AM - 14 answers

September 22

Trying to figure out what to do about my marriage

Basically, what it says on the tin. At a crossroads in my marriage and not sure what to do, and I'd like to get some perspective on how it looks to other people. [more inside]
posted by anonymous at 11:11 PM - 32 answers

What's the best way to "cool down" a relationship (poly)

Started a relationship over the summer that got really intense, really fast (emotionally, not so much timewise due to competing family and work priorities). I'm poly, which he knew going in - but once intense feelings got involved he developed jealousy issues he isn't willing to deal with. He has proposed we "go back" to being FWB, which I'm not opposed to. Does anyone have any practical advice about how to let go of some of the feelings and cool things back down to a more casual level? (longer details available inside) [more inside]
posted by dadici at 12:45 PM - 10 answers

I speak English, you speak... English?

I have a cousin who never actually says what she thinks. She has a front she puts up, and she does it to everyone. I see her on a regular basis, for Reasons. More below fold. [more inside]
posted by Crystal Fox at 12:06 PM - 25 answers

Is it any wonder that i feel like Audrey Hepburn in Charade?

Work-related blues. Pay is okay, it's a family-run business, but a number of people are causing me to crawl the walls in more ways than I expected. [more inside]
posted by that's_my_best_top_damnit at 4:03 AM - 6 answers

September 21

What arrangements do you have with adult children living at home?

Our 23-year-old lives with us. My partner and I are trying to figure out expectations, division of expenses, and how to encourage our child toward adulthood, and I'd love to hear about what other parents do. There are complicated factors having to do with disability, so do read, please. [more inside]
posted by Orlop at 9:24 PM - 22 answers

No, sorry, I don't want to be your friend...

I feel like suuuuch an awful person for asking this question, but... I don't know how to resolve it. I'm in a grad program and one of my classmates is trying really hard to become friends with me, but in all honestly, I really don't want to be her friend. How do I navigate this gracefully and with kindness? I feel so awful that I don't want to be her friend!!! [more inside]
posted by VirginiaPlain at 5:47 PM - 17 answers

I'm female, he's gay, what's happening here?

It's an age-old question: you meet someone at a party, you start to enjoyably email each other every day, and after nearly a month of this he says he has a partner and gives you just enough info for you to realise he must be gay. And yet, he keeps emailing... [more inside]
posted by considerthelilies at 12:32 PM - 14 answers

September 20

Why is my employer re-requesting my passport and SS card?

Calling all Human Resources managers! I'm suspicious that my boss is up to something fishy, and I'm not sure if these suspicions are valid or not. He says the reason for the request is employment eligibility verification, however, I already provided these documents when I was hired. More details below. [more inside]
posted by omgkinky at 4:21 PM - 24 answers

September 19

Is there anything productive I can say to litterbugs?

I live in New York (work in Manhattan, live in Brooklyn) and often see people just throw trash on the ground whether it's a cigarette butt or some plastic, even while in close proximity to garbage cans, is there anything productive I can say to them? [more inside]
posted by jourman2 at 11:22 AM - 40 answers

September 18

How to develop resilience as an adult

Or, help me kick my own ass. Please. [more inside]
posted by switcheroo at 9:43 PM - 23 answers

Kid's birthday party etiquette help, SVP?

My 1st grader has been invited to 2 birthday parties at the same time on the same day. I already accepted the first invite, how do I handle the 2nd? [more inside]
posted by cestmoi15 at 6:04 PM - 13 answers

I haven't told my dad I'm pregnant. Meh or is this a mistake?

I'm an only child. I'm pregnant in my late 30s with my first child and therefore my dad's first and possibly only grandchild. My dad is about 75. So yeah I guess he could die or get really sick in the near future. We don't have a good relationship, but we're not deliberately estranged nor am I formally disowned. [more inside]
posted by KatNips at 12:32 AM - 28 answers

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