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I’m working as part of a group, or have been asked to help a group of people with something. Everyone else seems to know what to do and springs into action. I’m not sure, so I ask someone how I can help, and people seem annoyed that I’m asking and tell me that my help isn’t needed. Then, the authority figure who assigned the work stops by and gets mad at me for slacking. [more inside]
posted by wheatlets at 9:19 AM - 20 answers

I fell in love with my husband in part because we shared anti-war values. It’s a topic that comes up often, especially given that he comes from an immigrant Israeli family (atheists, critical of Israel’s treatment of Palestinians). I am heartbroken and outraged by the Gaza war, he supports it. I’ve tried to manage this by avoiding the topic with him, but as time grinds on, I feel more and more confused as to who he is. Contempt and disgust are creeping in, and it is terrifying. What can I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous at 5:09 AM - 25 answers

I got my vision test from a provider who was explicitly listed on my vision insurance (United HealthCare), but who denied the service. I called UHC and spoke with an agent, who called the provider, who said they did not accept UHC. The agent was mystified and told me to go ahead and pay $99 out of pocket, and they would reimburse me $99 as the provider was considered in-network. [more inside]
posted by dubious_dude at 2:21 PM - 7 answers

Do you have experiences that you would care to share of creating a family where your romantic partner (or at least your primary partner) was not a co-parent, or at least not a major one? My partner and I disagree on the kids question, but we're curious about other models than the nuclear families we grew up in. Lots of details beyond the jump. [more inside]
posted by nightcoast at 2:39 AM - 13 answers

My son has a classmate who may be facing eviction. He is in kindergarten. I would like to help. But if I'm wrong, still have the gesture be a nice thing that was done randomly. What would you do? [more inside]
posted by ichimunki at 5:31 PM - 11 answers

Our (very part time) family assistant is graduating from college next month. While she's worked for us for ~1.5 years, we didn't know her very well on a personal level. Normally cash would be the natural solution, but that feels weird when we already pay her directly. Other ideas? [more inside]
posted by matildatakesovertheworld at 1:36 PM - 11 answers

Our mother passed away and we are putting together a casual memorial in a local arboretum. We want it to be as successful (people sharing memories) as possible, but we children are all introverts and feel like we don't know how best to do/encourage that. Help. [more inside]
posted by blueberry at 3:48 PM - 12 answers

Sourcing the hive mind for a way out of this mess that I've made for myself. In summary - I've been in a situationship for 6 years now. Meaning sex (though rarely these days due to antidepressants and general lack of attraction on my end), cuddles, picking each other up from the airport, hanging out almost every day, and saying I love you. At times I've deluded myself into thinking this is a partnership despite the lack of labels, but last week I identified myself as his partner when speaking with him and he said "no, not really". This is not what I envisioned for my life - it's humiliating to not be chosen as his girlfriend. It’s humiliating to not have met his parents. And I’ve hidden it from my family this entire time - if anything, they think we were good friends that dated briefly. I very much want to get married or at least have a long term committed relationship. I also feel uncomfortable and unhappy around him a lot of the time. [more inside]
posted by anonymous at 10:44 PM - 19 answers

I'm helping an older family member move and would like to get a gift for their neighbor. The family member has some health problems and over the past few years has had trouble maintaining their current house. The neighbor has done a lot of maintenance and yard work for my family member, and has always refused to accept any payment for this. [more inside]
posted by scorpion proof at 8:02 AM - 6 answers

Tonight, our daughter's closeted girlfriend was supposed to come over to hang out, but her mom apparently said no and said that she has to study. It's a Friday night. This isn't the first time she hasn't been allowed to come over. Our daughter is welcome at their house. I'm wondering if the parents suspect that something is going on? What do you all think? This is our first experience supporting our daughter through a more serious relationship. [more inside]
posted by percor at 5:51 PM - 11 answers

A coworker has accidentally revealed a disruptive company secret to other staff; I was aware of the secret and am now being asked if I knew of it, how to respond? Multiple timezones & work cultures involved. [more inside]
posted by aramaic at 12:15 PM - 25 answers

My sister wants my mom to come live with her due to her Alzheimer's; I am asking for a little time to find out what our options are re: assisted living. Is that a big ask? [more inside]
posted by Kitteh at 1:24 PM - 30 answers

I work part-time as a cashier and lifeguard at a swimming pool. When I was cashiering last week, a woman in her 60's came to me to complain that while she was water walking, she was getting splashed due to the ardent lap swimming of the person in the lane next to her. [more inside]
posted by SageTrail at 7:57 AM - 46 answers

My MIL is a textbook narcissistic abuser and after her last verbal attack, the hubby and I decided we don't want her in our lives anymore. Fast forward to this morning, where the MIL's friend decided to take exception and say the wrong thing. It's gotten under my skin and I'm about to explode saying something, but I know it probably wouldn't be wise. [more inside]
posted by chatelaine at 1:19 PM - 40 answers

Hello mefites. I need help understanding why I am not ok being the breadwinner when my salary definitely supports it. I am in a helping people profession that happens to have a very high salary (think doctor, but I am not a doctor). My spouse has a PhD in humanities and teaches two or three classes per term as an adjunct. His pay is abysmal, like $12 an hour when you account for all the grading, student meetings, etc. He probably works 25-30 hours per week, plus commute. We were in these professions when we met and fell in love, late 30s. [more inside]
posted by anonymous at 5:02 AM - 69 answers

How do I engage with them while they are going through this? And do I mention anything to anyone else about it? [more inside]
posted by anonymous at 5:00 AM - 9 answers

My employer has a periodic off-site for executives and investors. Many of them seem to be "performing status" by wearing the latest trends & Rolexes, and talking about the Hamptons and Europe travel. I listen and also talk about my own hobbies, which works fine for conversation with all my colleagues except one guy. He gets visibly offended. How can I make smalltalk with him without leading to friction? [more inside]
posted by cheesecake at 6:37 AM - 38 answers

After an extended period of burnout, my boyfriend just started a new job that he loves. Turns out, what was described as "some travel to begin with" has turned into him flying overseas Mon-Fri, every week for an unknown period of time. It could be two months or it could be a year. I feel a bit blindsided by this, please help me figure out how to cope. [more inside]
posted by guessthis at 4:56 AM - 16 answers

A relative has willed her estate to only me. I have siblings, and am trying to figure out whether and how to share the money with them. Can you help me think through this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous at 2:28 AM - 40 answers

Wondering how to prevent someone else's from becoming yours when you're taking care of ALL of their stuff (out of necessity). [more inside]
posted by Eyelash at 5:27 PM - 8 answers