Post Quarter Life Crisis....now what?
December 6, 2010 10:08 PM Subscribe
Is it normal to WANT to be single for a long time or am I [subconsciously] still hurt over a breakup?
posted by penguingrl to human relations (30 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
8 months I went through a Quarter Life crisis. I woke up one day and told my bf, whom I had been planning a wedding with, that I no longer wanted to marry him, however, I was not ready for a breakup. He, in turn, broke up with me. I was quite devastated, but I think it was simply because I had not been alone for 6 years. I ended up also having a miscarriage at this time, one which he claimed was a lie. Long story short, the bf turned into a complete jerk by spreading lies about our relationship, our money, my reaction to the breakup (he told everyone I requested we remained friends with benefits, which is a total lie), vandalizing my stuff, stealing my stuff, etc. You name it, he did it short of a restraining order. Long story short, I know it was the best thing to happen to me and I know that I got the better end of the deal now. Throughout that time, my guy friends started to make a move on and I lost all trust in guys. One guy actually asked me to be friends with benefits with him 3 days after the breakup. Suffice it to say, I was VERY, VERY repulsed by the male species.
Fast forward to now, where I work 50 hours a week and am on my PhD, I have absolutely no desire to date. I do not have time to date, but I know I am also purposely avoiding situations that could lead to it. For instance, my friends invite me to a dinner party where I know a guy they want me to meet will be there...do I go? No. I come up with some excuse to avoid the situation altogether, stay home, catch up on some reading, and work on my Netflix queue. I don't even have a desire to acquire male friends.
I went to therapy from May - September and I truly felt healed, at least as much as I could for such a short time, but a part of me wonders if my aversion to having any man in my life is normal. I can talk with them, perhaps even engage in social interaction, but as far as being alone with one or even flirting, I find myself nearing a panic attack. I do not think this has anything to do with my ex since, and to be perfectly honest, I am truly happy with my life and job and could not have accomplished all that I have had he still been in my life. However, I am in the thick of things and may not see the forest amidst the trees. I have lost 90% of my friends this year because of the breakup and do not miss any of them, but I feel like it may not be so healthy to be this comfortable as a homebody and introvert. I do not know if this is to do with the miscarriage, the breakup, the loss of friends, or all combined. But I thought after 8 months, I would be perfectly ok in social situations and I find myself far more comfortable and happy at home...and alone.
Has anyone ever experienced such a phase? I promised myself I would not date for a year just to give myself a break, but I now I feel like I would be more than happy in extending that just so I could continue to feel..."safe." Is this normal?