Life: punching me in the face over and over and over again
February 16, 2011 4:35 PM Subscribe
I broke up with my boyfriend last week. How do I focus on a mountain of academic obligations when all I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep forever?
posted by flawsekno to human relations (23 answers total) 13 users marked this as a favorite
I ended the 1.5-year relationship because I was feeling uncertain about it, and I wasn't comfortable with feeling uncertain after dating for so long. Yet I still love him, and a week after the act I'm wrecked with regret. I know that running back to him is a bad idea--I can't separate out legitimate reasons for resuming the relationship from my inability to cope with being alone right now--but it's taking all of my willpower to keep from doing so.
This is particularly bad because I need that willpower to focus on my work. I took on too much this term: a full course load, including two honors classes and two lab class; being a TA; a 25 hr/wk job. I wasn't handling this well before the breakup, and now that I've lost my main source of emotional support, I've been failing almost all of the myriad tasks before me. A lot of advice on breakups here say that throwing myself into work is a way to cope, but how do people do that? It's really hard for me to study electron conjugation when I'm too busy crying all the time. Likewise, some have been giving me advice to talk to my professors about my problems, but I'm really not sure how to approach them (I'm usually a good student, so I've never been underwater when talking to a professor). "Boo hoo hoo, my boyfriend and I broke up, please give me an extension on this assignment?"
Basically, I'm dealing with two separate problems here, each of which exacerbates the other: my academic stress, and the emotional fallout from the breakup. My emotions are keeping me from handling my work, I'm so stressed from work that I can't process the breakup, and so I'm stuck in this miserable state of paralysis and failure. I'm taking steps to reduce the work load in my job, and I've scheduled appointments with professors and my academic adviser, but those won't take effect for another week or so. Advice on how to deal separately with the two problems is welcome, but I'd really like guidance on how to handle the combination, especially in the immediate future.
Thanks so much for reading through this mess and giving advice. I really appreciate it.