I need life advice badly......
November 1, 2011 5:35 AM Subscribe
Need some life advice, I don't really know what I'm doing, I've failed so far miserably.
posted by sawyerrrr to Human Relations (39 answers total) 20 users marked this as a favorite
It's 5 am. Adrenaline is pumping, can't sleep.
I've got that feeling of suicide, not the real kind, just the curious, dramatic, pensive sort of self loathing and hopelessness only found at these quiet hours of the day.
The only thing I seem to have learned is that what you want the most, will elude you. Some people have found ways to turn this rule of life around, but I haven't.
I don't know where to start. I'm 22 and 3/4. Yesterday I was a kid. Today I'm the same kid.
I didn't realize it until just the other day, but I think I am manic depressive. I go through phases where it seems like I have all the money in the world, the sun is shining bright, the words I speak flow beautifully, people love me, and I love them. Then there are times where all I want to do is hole up, eat, play video games, and pass the time.
Now is a period of the latter. I find my relationship about to end within the next couple of days (whether by my doing or hers if she beats me to the chase). My best friend has moved overseas, all my friends are MIA across the country working their new jobs. I have lots of quasi-friends but I'm not sure I like them enough to stay in L.A.
I want to move home, but I feel like L.A. is such a beautiful place. I can drive with the top of jeep down. I can go to the beach. The girls are beautiful, the guys are chill.
But something is beckoning me to NYC and something is telling me to leave this place. The true love of my life lives in NYC.
I have no marketable skills besides a shitty GPA from a top 50 college. I know that I could write novels for a living, but I don't want to. I don't even read books myself really, so I don't want to waste my time in a dying art.
I like making music but more and more it is apparent to me that "bands" are not for me. They have a way of twisting, contorting what is good and turning it into something terrible.
I want to trade futures but I don't want to sit at a computer all day. That type of behavior is what causes me to be depressive.
So really I don't know what I need or what I need to do or where I need to be or what I should be doing. I know I am smart, but I have no idea why I've been so stupid my whole life.
I don't know what to do. It's getting to the point where my parents won't keep feeding me money, and I need to find a way to make it. But the things I truly enjoy are either too difficult to get a job in or they aren't really a job to begin with. I don't know, I really don't know.
Posting here is sort of a last ditch effort to figure this shit out. I really never thought I would feel like this again, but here I am. I don't know what to do.