I've read through lots of the Ask MeFi threads on this subject (13 tagged onlinedating
, 4 marked dating and online
and a slew of others), but still haven't really found the guidance I'm looking for, so here we are.
I have an account on an online dating service. I log in, view lots of profiles, read about many women who seem very interesting to me, and then.... I do nothing.
I find the first email to be just as awkward as going up to a stranger in a bar, which I never do, except I know a lot more about her than if we were in a bar, and she will know more about me. In fact, it's even more awkward, because there's a lot more information in play, which means the rejection might actually be based on something. (Although, I don't always know useful
information, since lots of women all share an interest in going out or staying in, dressing up or dressing down, and family and friends! But that's a separate discussion).
This is not a minor hurdle for me, for some reason. I've been a member of the site for a few years, and have only emailed or IM'd complete strangers a handful of times.
I'm not normally shy or particularly introverted. I do well in groups, and fine with individuals once I've met them. It's the meeting and making a first impression that I'm stuck on.
For those of you who have tried online dating (match, yahoo, nerve, okcupid, jdate, whateveryourkinkis.com, etc.), what makes a good first email? I'm a guy looking to meet a lovely lady, but I'm happy to hear from anyone with thoughts on the issue.
How long should it be? Should I mention if I think she's cute? Generally, I've had good luck with sincere compliments in person, but another thread said that was a generic thing to put in an email. Will that sound like every email she gets? Should I comment on specific things in her profile? What do I say about me? She can click on my profile for the basics, so I don't want to repeat it all, but it seems presumptuous to assume she's going to read the profile, right? Should I specifically ask her to read my profile? Do I say i hope she'll write back, or that I'd like to meet her, or that I'd like to chat?
And so on... I get all wound up on what to say and end up never saying anything. Help!