No more...Ms. Nice Gal?
January 7, 2010 12:19 AM Subscribe
How do I become less "sweet" and more upfront about what I want?
posted by themaskedwonder to human relations (44 answers total) 60 users marked this as a favorite
Hey, MeFites. I'm a senior woman in college, bordering on 22 years old, and ready to begin the new year and semester with a significant change in my personality and behavior. See, I've always been branded "sweet" and "innocent" by my friends, and I used to take that as a compliment. Not that those things are inherently bad, but I've grown sick and tired of being pushed around, and yelled at, and being apologetic for crimes I never committed because people don't think I'll retaliate. This has also been a problem for me romantically. I've never been in a relationship, but whenever I like a guy, I become really eager to please - to the extent that the guy just bullies me around/says whatever he wants to me because he knows I'm afraid of losing him (but then he's not interested in me anyway, because who wants to date a pushover, someone so eager for attention?) I wear my heart completely on my sleeve, and every single time it leads to heartbreak. Also relevant to this personality "problem," I think - I'm very fragile and tend to break down easily.
I'm not sure if I'm saying all of this in a way that makes total cohesive sense, but how do I go from awkward and overeager and hypersweet to calm, collected, sophisticated, even? Even better - any tips on how I can just become a stronger person more generally? I admire women like Ani DiFranco, Hilary Clinton who aren't afraid to speak their minds, but I suppose I'm afraid of not being "likeable" or (and believe me, as a feminist, it's difficult to say this) "feminine" enough. That being said, I don't want to become a firecracker that just explodes every time someone says something I don't like or agree with (I have a friend like this, and frankly, sometimes I wish she'd just shut up.) Any books/movies/tv shows with strong female protagonists, recommendations for other historical female figures to look up to, tips/methods/advice you have would be greatly, greatly appreciated. Thank you!