Bringing Kinky Back

January 12, 2011 8:08 AM

Why did the "kinky" icon disappear on my OKcupid profile? How can I get it back?

I have an OKCupid profile and one of my personality icons used to be kinky, as in above average kinky within my demographic, I guess. Recently, I answered and re-answered some questions, many of which were about sex. I thought my answers were leaning toward being even more kink and sex positive, and yet...my kinky personality icon went away and my match percentages with (kinky?) people got a little lower. So, Mefites, what can I do to bring back the kink? Do I need to answer certain questions in certain ways? Is it better to make the questions be "very important" or "a little important"? (It's not that I want to manipulate the OKC system; I want to be honest about myself...it's just...in the dating arena, it's important to me to be matched with other kinky folks and to be represented as such because...I am.) Thanks in advance!

posted by anonymous to human relations (11 answers total)

It's probably the weight you put on different questions. I'm pretty sure my percentages are at least partially confounded by how often I put "irrelevant" or mark all but one answer as "mandatory"... I think you can search for just the sex-related questions (or at least you can when comparing to another user) which should make it easier to "fine-tune."

Good luck; drop me a line on OKStupid if it works!
posted by jtron at 8:20 AM on January 12, 2011

People on OKCupid pay much more attention to your profile than the match percentage (which isn't a great predictor anyway) and the icons (which are visual clutter). Make sure your profile is well-written and interesting, and drop in some fairly clear hints about what you're into, and people will message you all "Soooo, you liked Secretary, eh?"
posted by Metroid Baby at 8:21 AM on January 12, 2011

Well, their Frequently Asked for Answers About Questions says "a little important" is weighted at 1, "somewhat important" at 10, "very important" at 50, and "mandatory" at 250. So if something is "very important" or "mandatory" to you, you should definitely mark it that way.
posted by teremala at 8:27 AM on January 12, 2011

Seconding Metroid Baby - I have, uh, heard from reliable sources that including Secretary in your top movies, especially near the top of the list, is a pretty well-known shibboleth.
posted by jtron at 8:38 AM on January 12, 2011 [4 favorites]

Fwiw, I just put it out there in my profile -- I mention that I'm kinky and like kinky sex a couple of times. I figure if I want something done right, I should do it myself :)
posted by rosa at 8:46 AM on January 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

'Sex positive' does not equate kink. Indeed, for a substantial demographic (and one that I suspect is well represented on sites like OKCupid) 'sex positive' is mainstream. So it may be that your answers are more mainstream than you think, and that is why the icon has disappeared. So maybe go answer more questions that are less about tolerance and more about personal desires?
posted by modernnomad at 8:54 AM on January 12, 2011 [3 favorites]

Take the Dating Persona Test.
posted by aloysius on the mixing boards at 9:17 AM on January 12, 2011

my kinky personality icon went away and my match percentages with (kinky?) people got a little lower

The icons on OK Cupid are notoriously not very well aligned with how people self-identify. Whenever they are mentioned in profiles it's always the person saying "I have no idea why it has me labeled/not labeled as X, ignore that." Your match percentages probably got lower because you marked more questions as being important to you, which meant that people who had answered them already in ways that you don't like took a hit.

You should probably care more about making your profile suggest that you are kinky (including in more clandestine ways as mentioned above) and making kink-related questions public so that potential matches will see them if they compare your answers with their's.
posted by burnmp3s at 9:30 AM on January 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

I left OKC for a while (about a year) and then came back and made a new profile. Noticed the same thing you noticed : they've definitely raised the bar for what they consider "kinky." Not just as applies to the icon, but also in their "matching graphs" (the ones that show how compatible you are for certain traits)

My guess? At some point, they changed their profile layout to encourage people to look at the matching graphs. Before, I think those graphs were buried a few clicks deep into someone's profile, and now I think it's one of the main tabs. Anyway, I think suddenly a lot of people noticed that OKC thought they were kinky, when they themselves did not consider themselves kinky. And probably they complained. So I think OKC tweaked their formula a bit. I know it used to place me at the high end of the spectrum, but now I'm like barely above average on kink -- and I'm pretty sure I answered the questions the same way.

It's a little annoying that it's become harder to pick out people with similar levels of kink, but it is a little encouraging that your average person is more kinky than OKC used to think.

Or who knows? Maybe people ARE getting more kinky. I kinda like that idea ;)
posted by Afroblanco at 9:55 AM on January 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

Huh. My 'kinky' icon is gone too.

I mean... my FRIEND'S icon is gone too.

Dammit!
posted by ApathyGirl at 11:47 AM on January 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

Nth-ing the "just say it on your profile" tactic. I ran some n-of-1 experiments with my OKC profile for a few weeks. (I generally rate kinky questions with a high level of importance, and therefore I'm pretty far to the right of the OKC kinky bell curve. And even I am a little less kinky than I used to show up as on OKC, but I've still got my icon. Maybe kinky people are gradually taking over OKC? If so, AWESOME.) During the weeks that I had "coded" references to various kinky movies/books/etc. on my profile, I got many, many messages per week, but way fewer messages from people I might be interested in. During the weeks that I had general but clearly-stated references to my kinky tendencies, my inbox was completely flooded by missives from submissives (totally not the demographic I need to be hearing from.) During the weeks that I had more specific and clearly-stated language on my profile, I got way fewer messages per week (newsflash: vanilla people don't want to beat me up, and neither do most submissive guys!), but the ones who DID message me were way more likely to be what I'm looking for.
posted by kataclysm at 12:23 PM on January 12, 2011