What would you do in this situation with ex therapist?
May 25, 2010 6:54 AM Subscribe
What would you do, if anything, in this complicated situation with ex therapist?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (11 answers total)
In the 90's I was seeing a therapist who was part of a larger therapeutic community of which I was a member as well. In sessions with this therapist I worked on sexual assault issues arising from a series of assaults that my mother and her husband perpetrated on me when I was 13.
I was in a new "no commitments" relationship with another member of this community (I'll call her B), which I spoke about with my therapist regularly.
At this point I was finishing my Master's degree. I met another person to whom I was very attracted. Before pursuing a relationship I spoke with B, telling them that I was going to pursue this new realtionship. This was difficult but I was always honest and open about my intentions and B and I had been clear with each other that we were taking it one day at a time.
I was planning to move away form Portland temporarily to complete my Masters, and my therapist also had a lot of personal stuff going on at the time as well, so we decided to have a short break. I imagined it would be a couple of months.
Fast forward two months. I am temporarily working and living overseas. A friend (I'll call her c)who was also a client of the same therapist told me that our therapist was now in a sexual relationship with B. Fair enough, I thought. But I was hurt that neither my therapist or B told me themselves.
I thought I just had to be an adult and live with it.
But then my friend C told me that B had told her that our ex therapist had asked her which of us was a better lover, me or my therapist.
This totally creeped me out, and in hindsight I think I went into a kind of state of shock. I didn't do anything. I didn't call my therapist or B and tell them my feelings were hurt. I didn't seek any other professional help after this.
Fast forward to 2010, now I feel that I didn't handle that well at all, and still feel hurt and weird all these years later.
What can I do to get my confidence back? Should I contact my ex therapist and tell her how I feel? Is it too late?