A better shot at the G-spot

December 12, 2008 5:05 AM

A NSFW question about a sexual practice.

My girlfriend enjoys vaginal stimulation but not clitoral stimulation. She likes to sit astride me in coitus and move her hips back and forth. Naturally, I enjoy this a whole lot, too, and her orgasms are explosive. The trouble is, the motion gets pretty violent at times, and causes my erect penis to bend a lot. Afterwards, I sometimes experience mild pain deep in my penis, and this seems to be worsening with time. It never hurts while the penis is erect, but does afterward. I am worried that in time it will lead to Peyronie's disease or worse (warning: graphic images of penis surgery which made me nauseous.)

So unfortunately, it seems like we'll have to figure something else out. There are some obvious things to try (the same thing, but gentler, using fingers instead of a penis) but I thought the hive mind might be able to suggest some more innovative and enjoyable solutions.

posted by anonymous to Human Relations (10 answers total)

You don't necessarily need to be gentle with the fingers - it depends what works for your partner. G-spot stimulation varies tremendously from woman to woman. Some like it incredibly hard, almost as if you're grinding their g-spot against the top of their pubic bone. Others like a very gentle stroking. Many, when getting close to g-spot orgasm, will buck and thrash in a rather violent fashion; some may get scared at the intensity or worry that they might be about to pee themselves.

You can also get vibrators specially designed to stimulate the g-spot such as the Lelo Gigi (which is a beautiful piece of electronics that any boy should be proud to have in his collection of rechargeables!)

G-spot stimulation works really well with oral sex, too, so you can be stimulating her orally - it doesn't have to be direct on her clitoris if she doesn't enjoy that or if she finds it too sensitive - while using a finger or three or an object inside her.
posted by skylar at 5:32 AM on December 12, 2008

Strap-ons aren't just for lesbians! You can wear one so that she can still grind away while sitting stride you, as you mentioned, without risk of fracturing your peen (and wow, that a.... fascinating link). And maybe get one in a different size, or shape or with vibes.... lots of options. Just make sure it's cleaned regularly, obviously, and take normal safe-sex precautions. Have fun!
posted by potatopeople at 5:37 AM on December 12, 2008 [3 favorites]

I'm guessing here that you are laying or sitting on a surface that is significantly stable - a mattress or chair? I once had a similar problem. What I found was that as she moved the bending was due to my inflexible position. Placing myself in a position that allowed my hips to rotate a bit more with her (a pillow under my ass is the simple solution - or if you have the room and means and she is open to it a swing) help act like a bit of a shock absorber and would give her a bit more room to move. Alternatively there a lot of great books out there that have various positions of different kinds of stimulation. You could at least test the waters with a few as break for yourself.
posted by jeffe at 5:39 AM on December 12, 2008

Yeah, this is why we don't use that position often. An alternate that really works for hitting the right spot for me is both of us on our sides, him behind, spooning me. Strangely this only works if we are both lying on our right sides-- left just feels awkward and strange.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:29 AM on December 12, 2008

She sounds like a perfect candidate for a Sybian. My "research" on the internet tells me this device works wonders. Do I hear jingle-bells?
posted by spoons at 7:47 AM on December 12, 2008

A strap-on harness for your thigh (see here, the second one down) might be a lot more comfortable for you than a regular one, since your junk won't get compressed when she bears down.

But are you sure it's a g-spot issue? I always think of that grinding back and forth, hip-wiggle thing as being more about indirect clitoral stimulation, but it probably depends a lot on your individual anatomies, the angles involved, etc. In one sense, it doesn't matter exactly what's going on, as long as it's working for you. But if you are searching for new positions, then knowing that can help to guide you.

Definitely try out variations of what I guess you might call "side-entry" positions -- spooning, you on your side and her on her back with her knees in the air (what wikipedia delicately calls the t-square position), face to face, and all the other permutations you can think of. And for some people, face-down, flat on the bed, works perfectly for hitting the g-spot just right. (Again, your anatomies may vary, etc.) I'd also suggest trying out where she is on her side, top leg pulled up, bottom leg straight, you straddling her bottom leg.
posted by Forktine at 8:18 AM on December 12, 2008

Try missionary but with some pillows under her butt, with you on top have her roll her hips, you will get more control and less torsion on your junk and she will get the stimulation (it will also feel really good for you). You can also have her lie on her side with her legs tucked loosely but together against her chest, approach from behind and well you know.

Also remember when fingering that vagina's are pretty sturdy, they can handle a baby they can handle you.
posted by BobbyDigital at 8:52 AM on December 12, 2008

I understand completely where you're coming from on the aches and pains side of things. Anything that makes you feel like your beat your junk on a chopping block with a brick should be avoided.

Possible alternatives for g-spot stimulation:

Missionary style, but with your hips slightly lower between her legs. This position tilts your pelvis and puts the glans a sharper angle. Length works in your favor here because it helps to keep you from slipping. You control the forcefulness so you don't end up with bruised junk.

Also missionary style... buy a Liberator pillow. They are fantastically well made. http://www.liberator.com , buy the basic wedge and have her lay with it under her hips. Way better than easily flattened bedroom pillows.
posted by JFitzpatrick at 5:20 PM on December 12, 2008

Try having sex with her lying face-down (either flat or with a pillow under her hips), while you enter her vagina from behind. Play with angles. This keeps every one of your thrusts at least rubbing against her g-spot, and also presses her clitoris into the bed (or her fingers) so that she is getting that stimulation too (if, in fact, part of the grinding is enabling indirect clitoral stimulation which is helping the orgasms along). If she really needs lots of pressure against her g-spot, this is the best position I've found for it.
posted by tzikeh at 4:47 PM on December 13, 2008

I might also suggest rear-entry (aka doggy-style) and have her angle herself with the aid of pillows and whatnot to get g-spot penetration. Works for me.
posted by cranberrymonger at 9:50 AM on December 24, 2008