How deep is too deep?

July 29, 2014 6:36 AM

Questions about deep throating, not sure if I'm going too far - NSFW.

I really enjoy giving my partner oral - as does he - and over time I've been getting better at taking him deeper. He's very well endowed (based on my experience anyway). The last while I've been doing it so I can feel his head right at the back of my throat, although I can only do it for short bursts at a time, moving back if I feel the gag reflex kicking in, and then going again when it settles down again. The gag has definitely been getting less over time. The other day I was doing it while he was standing in front of me. I was taking it really slowly and I kind of felt his head move past the back of my throat down my throat (not sure if that makes sense, sorry I don't know the names for the different parts!) It took me by surprise and I stopped, and my partner said he had felt my throat "open up". I tried it again and asked him not to thrust so I would feel in control of it and not choke, and I was able to do it again for a few seconds until I felt the gag kick in. I stopped again and we decided to leave it for a while, but we'd both like to do it again - he said it felt great and I really got off on how much it turned him on. Plus I like a challenge!

My questions are basically:
is this what deep throating actually is? I thought I was already doing it, but if now I can take it further then was I not really doing it right in the first place?
If not, is it taking his penis too far if its going past the part of your throat you can see? Will this cause any kind of damage? It sounds stupid but I'm afraid of "stretching" it too much.
If this is ok to do are there any techniques or things I should know to make it easier? I didn't find it physically sore or unpleasant but I'd prefer not to accidentally throw up. Does the gag reflex get weaker over time and is this a bad thing?

There's no pressure from him whatsoever so if I said I didn't want to take it that deep again he wouldn't mind, but he also wouldn't mind if it became a regular thing! There's no way I could ask my friends this so I appreciate any advice.

posted by anonymous to Human Relations (9 answers total)

It's called deep-throating because it involves the throat, yeah. It's not called back-of-the-mouthing.

From wikipedia: "Deep-throating is a sexual act in which one person takes their partner's entire erect penis deep into their own mouth, past the epiglottis, and into the throat."

I'm not aware of any way this could cause damage. You take stuff from your mouth into your throat all the time, it's called eating!
posted by showbiz_liz at 6:50 AM on July 29, 2014 [2 favorites]

I thought I was already doing it, but if now I can take it further then was I not really doing it right in the first place?

If you and your partner are both comfortable with/enjoying it, then you're doing it right. This goes for any value of "it". You weren't doing it wrong just because you can take his penis further into your mouth now than you previously could. If you're both having fun, then it's not wrong. Deepthroating is not the ultimate blowjob.

With regards to damage, I am not a doctor but as long as you're not being hurt or feeling uncomfortable, I think you're fine. Pay attention to your body and what feels OK or not-OK, and stop if something not-OK happens. I don't think you're going to break anything by deepthroating, as your throat is designed to handle food going down it. As I said, I'm not a doctor, just a person on the internet.

Your gag reflex can definitely weaken. I can't think of a way it would be a bad thing, but you might want to have a read of the wikipedia article about it. It looks like it can help prevent choking.
posted by Solomon at 7:12 AM on July 29, 2014 [6 favorites]

If this is ok to do are there any techniques or things I should know to make it easier?

Look in the mirror, open your mouth, and see if you can raise and lower your glottis at will. I've never run a survey so I am not sure, but I think it's like wiggling an eyebrow - some people can figure it out, some people can't.

Also: gargle. Tilt your head back and give it some wellie. Gargle a tune. You will open and close your throat with quite finite control to make new tones and you will learn there's a whole range back there behind your glottis you've probably never gargled in before. Personally, I find Hava Nagila works well for this. You are not going to spew by trying; worst case scenario is you swallow a tiny amount of Listerine.

I didn't find it physically sore or unpleasant but I'd prefer not to accidentally throw up.

This can happen. I can think of only one occasion in my decades-long sexual history, and I'm not even sure my partner noticed, but my suggestion would be not to mix copious amounts of booze with copious lengths of penis.

Does the gag reflex get weaker over time and is this a bad thing?

It does. I don't think it's a bad thing; loads of people don't have a gag reflex at all but have not Darwined themselves out of the gene pool, so...
posted by DarlingBri at 7:38 AM on July 29, 2014 [2 favorites]

I kind of felt his head move past the back of my throat down my throat

Yes. This is deep throating.

And yes, you can train your gag reflex to kick in less. Stick two fingers down your throat and wiggle until you start gagging. Repeat daily-ish. Your gag reflex will settle down.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 7:47 AM on July 29, 2014

Yes your gag reflex can get weaker over time, that's how sword swallowers do their thing.
posted by wwax at 8:19 AM on July 29, 2014

From an anonymous commenter:

A technique I have found helpful is for you (the receiver) to lay down on your back with your head over the edge of the bed, bent at the neck. This opens up a direct line from your mouth down your throat. I find that this helps with the gag issue because you don't have to worry about the penis making it around the bend of your throat--it doesn't have to push 'past' anything. Though you do get a nose-full of ballsack so make sure his junk is at a funk-level you can handle. Have fun!

posted by restless_nomad at 8:54 AM on July 29, 2014 [3 favorites]

Brushing the back of your tongue can also help with lowering the gag reflex. Your head over the edge of the bed works. Protip: try humming while you're doing that.
posted by Ik ben afgesneden at 10:00 AM on July 29, 2014 [1 favorite]

From another anonymous commenter:

Yes, there are things you can do to train yourself to have less of a gag reflex. (Some people with very touchy gag reflexes sometimes work on this in order to be able to more readily swallow prescribed medication, so it is kind of "doctor approved" if you want to reduce your gag reflex. Thus, it isn't anything you should worry about, as far as causing yourself some kind of harm.) One recommended method is to work on this while in the shower. As someone else suggested, put your finger down your throat (but in the shower). You will have control over it and can work on it over time.


Also, continue to insist on being the person in control during this activity. Ask him to keep his hands off your head and out of your hair. It is safer and makes it a lot easier to not gag.


Try different positions until you find one that keeps your throat straighter but is also comfortable for you in other respects. (I would not do some of the things others have described here. I would be physically and/or psychologically uncomfortable. So find whatever position works for you. There are plenty of options.)

posted by mathowie at 5:03 PM on July 29, 2014

Here are some good guides on how to deep throat! 1, 2, 3.
posted by Drexen at 6:27 AM on July 30, 2014