It hurts when you hit a wall
December 8, 2007 8:31 PM Subscribe
My wife is very 'vanilla' when it comes to intimacy.
posted by tdreyer1 to Human Relations (31 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
Okay. First: Background. We are newly-weds of about 6 months. We were each others' first & only partners, but we dove into our sex life and have been having a lot of fun. We have 'regular' sex often, but I like to try new things, so I have been working on my oral routine on her, and have been having a lot of success. The only problem, is when I ask my wife to go down on me, she gets... shy. I think that's the best way to say it. She is not 'shy' when it comes to regular sex, but the moment I mention oral, she gets tense, and no amount of conversation will even convince her to go near me. She also has problems describing/explaining her thoughts and emotions, so I can't get the reason out of her. The closest I've come to getting the reason is that she's (deathly) afraid that she won't be able to breathe while she is doing it, but it seems that this is not the only reason.
I would like any advice you can give me on how to proceed with this situation. I would like to explore this area, but I seem to have hit a wall. I am very open, and able to express my feelings, thoughts, and emotions, but my wife does not have the same ability, and that has gotten in the way of our conversations on this topic. Please help!
p.s. to my knowledge, she has not been abused in any way, and I really have no reason to think so.