My husband loves erotic photography and wants to start doing it. I'm not as thrilled, but I want him to have a hobby.
posted by frosty_hut to human relations (76 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
My husband has been extremely unhappy at work. For years I've suggested he should take a class -- he's a great, funny, quick-witted guy, and he would just adore an acting class. He likes the idea, but has never moved on it. We hit on filmmaking or a dance class. He likes the idea of both, but again, no action. He has consistently wanted to do photography, and just from what he's done without really knowing what he's doing, I can see he's got a knack that could be developed.
So now that we can afford to get him a camera, he's decided he wants to do -- drumroll please -- nude photography. He's always been interested in it, collects books featuring (mostly) tasteful erotic photos and that sort of thing. We've even joked about him becoming a photographer. I've sometimes pretended to engage him in a real conversation about it. When I asked him where he thought he'd be hosting the models and taking their pictures, he said, "Here!" So I said, "Okay, if you want to take nude photos of women, that's fine. I only have one rule: There will be no bare pussy in my house! Unless it's my pussy!"
Ha ha. So we've laughed a bunch over that, and it's become one of our bits that we return to a lot. Now, though, I'm realizing that the reason it's become a standard bit is that hubby is frickin' serious about this.
Plus, he's losing a bunch of weight. He's on Jenny Craig and doing great with it. I'm so happy and proud of him! But I had a weird something's-stuck-in-my-throat moment when I realized that he was doing it mostly in preparation for his new role as nude photographer. It is exclusively nude women he's interested in photographing. He seems utterly innocent about it when he talks about it -- he's going to be renting a studio, etc. I mean he's making plans. And I'm a little flustered. He wants to look smooth -- he's growing his hair, changing his wardrobe, and becoming obsessed with men's fragrances. It would be funny (like that Seinfeld episode where Jerry says he can't do orgies because he would have to become the orgy guy, with lotions and robes, etc.). Except that this whole thing is making me really really sad.
He has said to me that if this whole thing REALLY bothers me, he won't do it. The thing is, he's so absolutely miserable at work, and I've wanted him to have something to do that he enjoys. He's lost 35 pounds, he's got a spring in his step. I don't want to quash him. But the fact that he seems to be turning into a different person is a bit alarming. And saddening. Mostly I'm just really, really, sad. No specific question, I guess, but I would appreciate your input...am I being rigid, old-fashioned, uptight, etc. to balk at this?
I love him! Our intimate life is good but I'm sure it's nothing like what he imagines could be possible. He says he loves me as I am, that I don't have to prance around in lingerie and shiny boots for him to love me. But I think he's going to be taking pics of stuff like this.
If his erotic life is sort of separated -- compartmentalized -- a place for whitebread me, and another room where other stuff is going on -- is that okay? I mean, that's how it is I guess, whether I think it's okay or not. But -- should I be trying to get into that other room? Or is integration of his mental/sexual worlds not really the point? Should I just be happy that he's occupied? In the past I've felt that I fell short for him sexually, that our love life wasn't creative enough. If this kind of solves that piece for him -- maybe it's okay?
Except I don't really want him to be having sex with these models. I would be jealous. Heck, I'm jealous just thinking of him photographing them.
Okay, time for you to weight in...