Help me help my marriage
May 22, 2012 12:02 PM Subscribe
My wife of 14 years never tells me she loves me. She never initiates sex. She never holds my hand, kisses or casually touches me. No pillow talk. No thoughtful little gifts. I do all of these things for her as often as I can.
posted by anonymous to human relations (43 answers total) 19 users marked this as a favorite
A few years ago a marriage counselor (my idea) determined we speak two different “love languages”. My wife agrees with the counselor and says she shows/communicates her love for me by doing things around the house (laundry, dishes, taking out the trash, helping kids with homework). She and the counselor feel that should be sufficient for me and that I need to learn to understand her love language.
So we go through these cycles…4 to 6 months of focusing on working, taking care of the house and kids and having sex 2-3 times a month (very normal, always initiated by me); then resentment builds up in me and I point out (not angrily) that she hasn’t told me she loves me, initiated touch or otherwise indicated her love for me for months. I remind her this is VERY important to me and she promises to try harder. We go another 4-6 months and the cycle continues but things never improve.
She’s not a mean-spirited person and I SERIOUSLY doubt she is cheating, so I have a hard time understanding her behavior. Sometimes she almost seems borderline Asperger.
Any advice or shared experiences appreciated.