I'm too old to be scared of intimacy!
November 6, 2010 1:52 PM Subscribe
How do I let people love me? Will I ever outgrow my fear of intimacy? I'm in my late 20s. I'm scared of intimacy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not scared of sex. Won't think twice about a threesome, but am startled by holding hands. If a guy wants to get to know me more, compliments me, or crosses the line from being sweet to me to being sweet on me, I get super flustered. I stutter or look at my feet. I run away.
posted by jamaisvu to Human Relations (15 answers total) 32 users marked this as a favorite
It seems to only go one way. I am okay with administering affection, just not receiving it. I'm all about actually being a friend, whether it's a guy sharing his problems with me during the postcoital, or going out for the occasional drink or friendly outing. I'm the girl that can actually do friends with benefits and not want anything more (really).
I have baggage and issues like everyone else, which I've gone to therapy for. But I've done all I can do with therapy. I accept I'm a flawed human being and can recognize trigger situations and have explanations for the origins. Now it's the practice of actually being okay with someone loving me, and it's really freaking hard.
I'm looking for suggestions from people with similar issues. Beyond going to therapy, how did you actually practice letting someone care about you without running away? Are there any exercises or situations I can put myself into? Did meeting "the right person" help? How will I know when I meet the right person? Am I supposed to believe that one day I'll just meet a guy that clicks in such a way that everything will be okay? Lol, is there something I need to... do... to prepare for it? Or was it just a matter of time and getting older?
Objectively, in a vacuum controlled environment with no men encroaching on my emotional space, I like myself well enough. Besides from the running away when a guy gets too close emotionally, I'm great on paper and in person. But yeah, that running away thing is pretty huge. I would eventually like to marry and have my own family. I love kids. And despite my active sexual life, loyalty is really important to me and I know I wouldn't have any qualms about settling down. I know I would make a good wife and mother, kind of because I've spent so much time consciously observing and trying to what it means to be one emotionally, physically, spiritually.. But first I have to make it past being a good friend and being a good girlfriend.