not lose my job + pregnancy
March 10, 2015 11:17 PM Subscribe
I understand women have been doing this for hundreds of thousands of years, but I'm "delicate". How to not lose my job while feeling this ill?
I have a job I like a lot, with a team of people I like and respect and this seems mutual. I've occasionally had sleeping problems and on those mornings (after some consecutive sleepless nights) I've had to work hard on convincing myself to go to work, which I would do, and things worked out. So, it's not that it is always impossible for me to convince myself to do things I don't want.
While I understand "it's natural" to feel sick, I sometimes just can't convince myself to go to work while feeling like I want to curl up and die. (This is also true when I'm not at work, it's just harder in front of people.) The intense nausea is mostly all I can focus on. That is, trying not to vomit. I don't want to get out of bed because I know it will lead to throwing up which I find immensely unpleasant. Shortly after, I just have waves of intense nausea until I go to sleep... Obviously, it's not a contagious disease, but if I woke up feeling like this without pregnancy, I would call in sick, and sleep until everything was better.
I do want the baby, so abortion is out. Also, this has been going on for nearly 2 weeks and I have 6 more weeks till the end of week 12 when I hear this might go away. I can't take a 6 week vacation.
Things I've tried to not be nauseous without effect: Pregnancy Pops, eating ginger, sea bands, eating crackers as soon as I wake up.
I guess I should also mention, that because of the nausea the only things I've been eating are the folic acid pill, grapes, occasional chips, lime popsicles, apple, and dry cucumber soda.
How do I stop being a wuss? Or better yet stop being so nauseous?
I have a job I like a lot, with a team of people I like and respect and this seems mutual. I've occasionally had sleeping problems and on those mornings (after some consecutive sleepless nights) I've had to work hard on convincing myself to go to work, which I would do, and things worked out. So, it's not that it is always impossible for me to convince myself to do things I don't want.
While I understand "it's natural" to feel sick, I sometimes just can't convince myself to go to work while feeling like I want to curl up and die. (This is also true when I'm not at work, it's just harder in front of people.) The intense nausea is mostly all I can focus on. That is, trying not to vomit. I don't want to get out of bed because I know it will lead to throwing up which I find immensely unpleasant. Shortly after, I just have waves of intense nausea until I go to sleep... Obviously, it's not a contagious disease, but if I woke up feeling like this without pregnancy, I would call in sick, and sleep until everything was better.
I do want the baby, so abortion is out. Also, this has been going on for nearly 2 weeks and I have 6 more weeks till the end of week 12 when I hear this might go away. I can't take a 6 week vacation.
Things I've tried to not be nauseous without effect: Pregnancy Pops, eating ginger, sea bands, eating crackers as soon as I wake up.
I guess I should also mention, that because of the nausea the only things I've been eating are the folic acid pill, grapes, occasional chips, lime popsicles, apple, and dry cucumber soda.
How do I stop being a wuss? Or better yet stop being so nauseous?
Oh, and by the way, you're not being a wuss at all. Your nausea sounds severe!
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:21 PM on March 10, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:21 PM on March 10, 2015 [5 favorites]
Reglan or Zofran. Safe as houses -- a friend of mine's 15 month old had it daily for 3 months while he was getting radiation therapy for brain cancer -- and crazy effective. It will put you to sleep for a couple of days at first, but that wears off.
posted by KathrynT at 11:36 PM on March 10, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by KathrynT at 11:36 PM on March 10, 2015 [4 favorites]
Baby Center has some ideas about medications you could ask your daughter about. I'm sorry that this first trimester is so tough!
posted by Enchanting Grasshopper at 11:45 PM on March 10, 2015
posted by Enchanting Grasshopper at 11:45 PM on March 10, 2015
I understand women have been doing this for hundreds of thousands of years,
No, not like this. My pregnancy wasn't nearly that bad, and most, though not all, of my friends' weren't either. You're not a wuss! Get medication and don't let the doctor belittle your symptoms!
posted by Omnomnom at 1:15 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
No, not like this. My pregnancy wasn't nearly that bad, and most, though not all, of my friends' weren't either. You're not a wuss! Get medication and don't let the doctor belittle your symptoms!
posted by Omnomnom at 1:15 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
My pregnancy was like that. See your doctor now - there are drugs that can help, and there is some evidence that they're more effective the earlier in your symptoms you start taking them.
As for work, I don't know what the legal situation is where you live but I got a certain degree of employment protection once I'd officially notified them I was pregnant and this was classed as a pregnancy-related illness. The drugs got me well enough that I could get to work most of the time, but I still had to take days off sometimes and work from home others.
posted by Catseye at 2:41 AM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
As for work, I don't know what the legal situation is where you live but I got a certain degree of employment protection once I'd officially notified them I was pregnant and this was classed as a pregnancy-related illness. The drugs got me well enough that I could get to work most of the time, but I still had to take days off sometimes and work from home others.
posted by Catseye at 2:41 AM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
Hyperemesis gravidarum is a real, debilitating, and treatable thing. Call your doctor today.
I don't have any practical advice about work, but I want to reiterate that you are absolutely not a wuss. Most of what happens during pregnancy is just chance, and not really under control. Some women don't puke at all during pregnancy, others can't keep a meal down, and it's got absolutely nothing to do with toughness.
Good luck and I hope you can get some relief soon! It sounds terribly hard.
posted by Metroid Baby at 3:40 AM on March 11, 2015 [6 favorites]
I don't have any practical advice about work, but I want to reiterate that you are absolutely not a wuss. Most of what happens during pregnancy is just chance, and not really under control. Some women don't puke at all during pregnancy, others can't keep a meal down, and it's got absolutely nothing to do with toughness.
Good luck and I hope you can get some relief soon! It sounds terribly hard.
posted by Metroid Baby at 3:40 AM on March 11, 2015 [6 favorites]
You aren't eating enough! An empty stomach can make nausea worse. Also, skip the folic acid pill for a few days, until your stomach feels better. Try to eat more protein and fats. Lots of fats.
They can't fire you for being pregnant. Ask your supervisor if they would rather you work at home or puke in front of them.
I had morning sickness with my first two pregnancies. The first one was bad enough that I had to quit my job. I was lining a bowl with a plastic baggy every morning so that I could puke in the car on the way to work. It was awful. I figured out that I was getting sick from one of my cravings. If I had anything with tomatoes in it, I would puke the next day. After giving up ketchup and red soup, I was able to function. The third pregnancy, without the tomato products, was much easier.
To sum up, try to eat more, even if it is very small bites. Pay attention to what you are eating and your reaction (even a day later) to it. Don't take any pills while you are nauseated, they will only make it worse. Your baby needs calories more than the pills. And speak up at work. Let them know that you value your job but you do not wish to vomit on their shoes.
posted by myselfasme at 6:06 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
They can't fire you for being pregnant. Ask your supervisor if they would rather you work at home or puke in front of them.
I had morning sickness with my first two pregnancies. The first one was bad enough that I had to quit my job. I was lining a bowl with a plastic baggy every morning so that I could puke in the car on the way to work. It was awful. I figured out that I was getting sick from one of my cravings. If I had anything with tomatoes in it, I would puke the next day. After giving up ketchup and red soup, I was able to function. The third pregnancy, without the tomato products, was much easier.
To sum up, try to eat more, even if it is very small bites. Pay attention to what you are eating and your reaction (even a day later) to it. Don't take any pills while you are nauseated, they will only make it worse. Your baby needs calories more than the pills. And speak up at work. Let them know that you value your job but you do not wish to vomit on their shoes.
posted by myselfasme at 6:06 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
+Nth-ing everyone who's said to go see your doctor. There are many safe, effective medications you can take. I've taken them through 1.5 pregnancies now, with no ill effects.
One word of warning - some doctors (at least where I was in my first pregnancy) are not very aware of HG, or severe nausea/vomiting in pregnancy. If you can get a copy, read the chapter about medication during pregnancy in Emily Oster's book "Expecting Better" to educate yourself on drug classes, and why you may find some doctors resistant to prescribing anything (tl;dr? basic ignorance - not uncommon or unexpected in a run-of-the-mill GP).
As for handling work, I have only been pregnant in countries where it's a protected status (Canada & the UK). But I found that telling my employer I was pregnant, and not handling it very well, and seeking medical treatment, was a very good first step. I found it was very well-received that I was proactive in going to them and recognizing I wasn't able to contribute at the usual level, and we worked together on accommodations as long as I needed them. This included some sick time off while sorting out medication, and a few weeks at part-time while getting things stabilised and my strength back.
Other resources to look at for info and support:
http://www.motherisk.org/ (Canada)
http://www.helpher.org/ (US)
https://www.pregnancysicknesssupport.org.uk/ (UK)
These also, helpfully, include resources for your partner and family - you're going to need them around you to help you while it's hard to help yourself, including advocating for you with doctors if necessary.
Congratulations on your pregnancy, and I hope you feel better soon! (FWIW, I seemed to get much better around 16 weeks - but it's different with everyone).
posted by jennyweed at 6:06 AM on March 11, 2015 [3 favorites]
One word of warning - some doctors (at least where I was in my first pregnancy) are not very aware of HG, or severe nausea/vomiting in pregnancy. If you can get a copy, read the chapter about medication during pregnancy in Emily Oster's book "Expecting Better" to educate yourself on drug classes, and why you may find some doctors resistant to prescribing anything (tl;dr? basic ignorance - not uncommon or unexpected in a run-of-the-mill GP).
As for handling work, I have only been pregnant in countries where it's a protected status (Canada & the UK). But I found that telling my employer I was pregnant, and not handling it very well, and seeking medical treatment, was a very good first step. I found it was very well-received that I was proactive in going to them and recognizing I wasn't able to contribute at the usual level, and we worked together on accommodations as long as I needed them. This included some sick time off while sorting out medication, and a few weeks at part-time while getting things stabilised and my strength back.
Other resources to look at for info and support:
http://www.motherisk.org/ (Canada)
http://www.helpher.org/ (US)
https://www.pregnancysicknesssupport.org.uk/ (UK)
These also, helpfully, include resources for your partner and family - you're going to need them around you to help you while it's hard to help yourself, including advocating for you with doctors if necessary.
Congratulations on your pregnancy, and I hope you feel better soon! (FWIW, I seemed to get much better around 16 weeks - but it's different with everyone).
posted by jennyweed at 6:06 AM on March 11, 2015 [3 favorites]
When you eat the crackers in the morning, have you tried eating them before you sit up, get out of bed, or move at all? When I was pregnant with Nanopanda I had to keep a bag of cheerios on the nightstand and eat a handful before I sat up, or I'd feel really nauseated. Try to force down some protein when you can - nuts, maybe? Also, with that pregnancy, I had to graze continually. Couldn't tolerate big meals, but could NOT tolerate an empty stomach, ever.
This is an awful stage of pregnancy for some - for me, the nausea was low level but constant and hard to hide, but it was the exhaustion that nearly did me in. I already had a key to the lactation room from my earlier child, and some days when it wasn't booked I had to just go hide in there and sleep.
That said, others are right: If the nausea is this debilitatingly bad, ask for help from your doctor. Good luck. I hope you feel better soon.
posted by telepanda at 6:35 AM on March 11, 2015
This is an awful stage of pregnancy for some - for me, the nausea was low level but constant and hard to hide, but it was the exhaustion that nearly did me in. I already had a key to the lactation room from my earlier child, and some days when it wasn't booked I had to just go hide in there and sleep.
That said, others are right: If the nausea is this debilitatingly bad, ask for help from your doctor. Good luck. I hope you feel better soon.
posted by telepanda at 6:35 AM on March 11, 2015
I'm 29wks now with #2; for this pregnancy the morning sickness was much tougher than for my first. I found that eating in the middle of the night, and drinking water, helped me by the time 6am rolled around. This was more easily accomplished by the fact that I also had horrible insomnia and was awake from about 2am-5am every morning during the first trimester. 3am snacks became a regular thing for me for several weeks.
So, eat more and be sure you are staying well hydrated. But also, definitely see your doctor. I've had a couple of friends who had HG and they were helped immensely by taking Zofran.
Just another note; people will tell you to take ginger when you're nauseous. Ginger is not the right answer when your nausea is due to being hungry. Ginger's affect on the body is to cause the stomach to empty faster, so if your nausea is due to hunger it will only make things worse.
Edited to add: when I was snacking at night most often I was eating protein bars. Easy to keep by the nightstand and I didn't have to get up and actually cook or heat anything. You're body is rapidly working on increasing your blood volume (blood volume increases by 50% when you're pregnant) so getting more protein where you can is good.
posted by vignettist at 7:39 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
So, eat more and be sure you are staying well hydrated. But also, definitely see your doctor. I've had a couple of friends who had HG and they were helped immensely by taking Zofran.
Just another note; people will tell you to take ginger when you're nauseous. Ginger is not the right answer when your nausea is due to being hungry. Ginger's affect on the body is to cause the stomach to empty faster, so if your nausea is due to hunger it will only make things worse.
Edited to add: when I was snacking at night most often I was eating protein bars. Easy to keep by the nightstand and I didn't have to get up and actually cook or heat anything. You're body is rapidly working on increasing your blood volume (blood volume increases by 50% when you're pregnant) so getting more protein where you can is good.
posted by vignettist at 7:39 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
Also, skip the folic acid pill for a few days, until your stomach feels better.
Check with your doctor before following this advice; folic acid is so important for the baby.
posted by JenMarie at 8:54 AM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
Check with your doctor before following this advice; folic acid is so important for the baby.
posted by JenMarie at 8:54 AM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
My morning sickness wasn't nearly as bad as yours and I still wouldn't have wanted to go to work. So you're definitely not a wuss! I'd definitely ask your doctor about looking into medication to help you feel less icky.
I also agree that being hungry often made me feel more nauseated, so work on trying to get a few more calories in if it's possible. Graham crackers are something that work for me when I'm feeling pretty icky.
posted by that girl at 9:31 AM on March 11, 2015
I also agree that being hungry often made me feel more nauseated, so work on trying to get a few more calories in if it's possible. Graham crackers are something that work for me when I'm feeling pretty icky.
posted by that girl at 9:31 AM on March 11, 2015
I would not skip folic acid, but I would temporarily switch to a prenatal that doesn't contain iron which will definitely irritate your stomach.
I have had one pregnancy where my doctor basically said, "Oh, you're throwing up that many times a day? Well, we'll give you something for that once you've lost more than 10 pounds," and this one where my OB has said "You're throwing up HOW many times? I don't care if it's less than last time, that's unacceptable. Let's fix that."
This pregnancy has gone much, much better.
If you'd like to try something OTC, B6 and Unisom work well to help manage nausea. You can also get them prescribed as a time-release pill called Diclegis which is fairly recently released; it's Category A (which, NOTHING is category A) and very effective. I've almost felt human since I've been taking it. Doesn't do much for the exhaustion, but I haven't found that anything does other than clinging to that 200mg allowance of precious, precious caffeine.
posted by ThatSomething at 10:34 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
I have had one pregnancy where my doctor basically said, "Oh, you're throwing up that many times a day? Well, we'll give you something for that once you've lost more than 10 pounds," and this one where my OB has said "You're throwing up HOW many times? I don't care if it's less than last time, that's unacceptable. Let's fix that."
This pregnancy has gone much, much better.
If you'd like to try something OTC, B6 and Unisom work well to help manage nausea. You can also get them prescribed as a time-release pill called Diclegis which is fairly recently released; it's Category A (which, NOTHING is category A) and very effective. I've almost felt human since I've been taking it. Doesn't do much for the exhaustion, but I haven't found that anything does other than clinging to that 200mg allowance of precious, precious caffeine.
posted by ThatSomething at 10:34 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
Nthing calories. My nausea was the worst when I was hungry. Crackers probably will not cut it. Protein shakes, ice cream, whatever your body will accept. re: blood volume, make sure you're eating AND drinking enough water. And if that doesn't work, definitely go see your doctor about HG.
posted by woodvine at 1:24 PM on March 11, 2015
posted by woodvine at 1:24 PM on March 11, 2015
Seconding the b6 and Unisom combo. I took it before bed and it made my whole day better.
posted by checkitnice at 3:36 PM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by checkitnice at 3:36 PM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
28 weeks with twins here, and I went through a very similar first trimester. Here are 3 things I wish I knew:
In retrospect I wish I had told work way way earlier. I was feeling awful and being less productive and was also then worried about how I was being perceived (do they think I am slacking when really I am just unable to concentrate because so much energy is going into not puking??).
Everyone was incredibly nice and understanding when I did tell them, and this is in a tech startup largely made up of smart man children who don't understand women/families. Plus you do get the legal protection once you disclose. So tell work!
Also I started getting up in stages which took extra morning time but helped. The first was to roll to one side and take a sip of water and a cracker while still lying down. Then 10 min later I would prop myself up to halfway sitting with pillows and stay another 10 min and check email on my phone. Then I would sit with my legs off the bed for 2 minutes, and then I would stand up. Sounds crazy and long but I really hate vomiting and this let me not vomit when getting vertical.
Ps now I have horrendous acid reflux and I do this process in reverse to lie down.
Drink mint chocolate chip milkshakes. You need the fat and calories, the milk and ice cream have good calcium and protein , and the mint helps you not feel so nauseous. My doctor recommended this to me and it has helped a lot.
posted by rmless at 6:39 AM on March 12, 2015
In retrospect I wish I had told work way way earlier. I was feeling awful and being less productive and was also then worried about how I was being perceived (do they think I am slacking when really I am just unable to concentrate because so much energy is going into not puking??).
Everyone was incredibly nice and understanding when I did tell them, and this is in a tech startup largely made up of smart man children who don't understand women/families. Plus you do get the legal protection once you disclose. So tell work!
Also I started getting up in stages which took extra morning time but helped. The first was to roll to one side and take a sip of water and a cracker while still lying down. Then 10 min later I would prop myself up to halfway sitting with pillows and stay another 10 min and check email on my phone. Then I would sit with my legs off the bed for 2 minutes, and then I would stand up. Sounds crazy and long but I really hate vomiting and this let me not vomit when getting vertical.
Ps now I have horrendous acid reflux and I do this process in reverse to lie down.
Drink mint chocolate chip milkshakes. You need the fat and calories, the milk and ice cream have good calcium and protein , and the mint helps you not feel so nauseous. My doctor recommended this to me and it has helped a lot.
posted by rmless at 6:39 AM on March 12, 2015
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:20 PM on March 10, 2015 [9 favorites]