deciding to be a parent with chronic illness
January 21, 2008 8:49 PM Subscribe
Having kids or not when you have chronic health issues: how did you decide and come to terms with it?
posted by anonymous to human relations (12 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I have severe and frequent migraines that have been interfering with my ability to hold work. I'm continuing to try different approaches to sort these things out and I'm trying to stay hopeful in this process. Now in my early 30s, I realize that I really want to have kids and finally believe that I might be okay at it. But I'm also starting to question how possible it would be for me to be pregnant and/or to be a good parent given how often my migraines affect my life. Given the medication I take preventatively and prophylactically, I can't imagine how I'd be able to endure without it for nine months no matter how much I'd want to. And given the needs of any child, let alone an infant, I really wonder how I'd be able to respond with the pain, no matter how much love, instinct, and help are involved.
These doubts and realizations have been hitting me hard lately. I've been open to being pregnant, to adopting, or choosing to not have kids at all, but I think lately it's the thought that perhaps I *shouldn't* have kids because of migraines that is the most painful to sort out. And I don't like the thread of entitlement in that reaction either. My partner would like to have kids but he'd rather see me suffer less; he is unwaveringly supportive. I feel really muddled in this and while of course, this is our decision, I'd really appreciate reading others' honest thoughts on this sort of situation.
This must happen more often than I think? How did you decide to have kids (in any way) or not if you have distracting health issues? How did you deal with medication? What do you wish you had or hadn't done? What perspectives and insights helped you accept your situation and choice? Thank you.