Can tantra be therapeutic?
March 7, 2015 12:19 AM Subscribe
I’ve been seeing a therapist for a while for various reasons, including coming to terms with rape and a generally traumatic sexual history. My issues with sex have basically made any relationships impossible and at this point I’ve been single and celibate for five years. I would like to change this - or at least to feel like I have the ability to have a fulfilling sexual life if I want to. My therapist has suggested that I look into tantra and has recommended a practitioner for one-on-one work and also an organization that runs weekend courses for groups. Is this legit and/or a good idea?
He has suggested this as a way of making sex and intimacy less scary for me and making me more comfortable and confident sexually (two of my aims). He is in no way pressuring me into this and has made it clear that he won’t be pleased or disappointed if I do or don’t take this further. As far as I know, he doesn’t have any financial or professional links with either of the recommended practitioners. He said he hasn’t been on any of the courses himself.
I like and trust my therapist and admittedly tantra is something I know very little about but I’d never heard of it having a therapeutic value - I guess I've always thought of it as either being sleazy or a bit of a joke. My therapist is very ‘woo’ so it doesn’t seem out-of-character for him to suggest this, though. It doesn’t make me uncomfortable that he’s suggested this but I feel like it should - I’m not sure it’s appropriate.
I’m sort of intrigued by the prospect but also rather dubious. The organization running weekend courses has some very enthusiastic testimonials online (“life-changing”, “everyone should do it”, etc) but participants are apparently sworn to secrecy as to the specifics, so I don’t know what’s involved. This makes me nervous. My therapist said there might be ‘bodywork’ and nudity. I find it very difficult to say no to people generally, and particularly in sexual situations, so I’m worried that I don't know what's involved so I wouldn’t be able to decide ahead of time what I am and am not comfortable with doing.
So my questions are:
1) Is it crossing a boundary for my therapist to have suggested this? and
2) Is it realistic that tantra might actually help me? It looks like either working with the one-on-one practitioner or attending one of the courses would cost hundreds of dollars or more so I don’t want to try it unless there’s a reasonable chance it could help.
Throwaway email address - shouldidotantra@gmail.com
Thanks all!
He has suggested this as a way of making sex and intimacy less scary for me and making me more comfortable and confident sexually (two of my aims). He is in no way pressuring me into this and has made it clear that he won’t be pleased or disappointed if I do or don’t take this further. As far as I know, he doesn’t have any financial or professional links with either of the recommended practitioners. He said he hasn’t been on any of the courses himself.
I like and trust my therapist and admittedly tantra is something I know very little about but I’d never heard of it having a therapeutic value - I guess I've always thought of it as either being sleazy or a bit of a joke. My therapist is very ‘woo’ so it doesn’t seem out-of-character for him to suggest this, though. It doesn’t make me uncomfortable that he’s suggested this but I feel like it should - I’m not sure it’s appropriate.
I’m sort of intrigued by the prospect but also rather dubious. The organization running weekend courses has some very enthusiastic testimonials online (“life-changing”, “everyone should do it”, etc) but participants are apparently sworn to secrecy as to the specifics, so I don’t know what’s involved. This makes me nervous. My therapist said there might be ‘bodywork’ and nudity. I find it very difficult to say no to people generally, and particularly in sexual situations, so I’m worried that I don't know what's involved so I wouldn’t be able to decide ahead of time what I am and am not comfortable with doing.
So my questions are:
1) Is it crossing a boundary for my therapist to have suggested this? and
2) Is it realistic that tantra might actually help me? It looks like either working with the one-on-one practitioner or attending one of the courses would cost hundreds of dollars or more so I don’t want to try it unless there’s a reasonable chance it could help.
Throwaway email address - shouldidotantra@gmail.com
Thanks all!
Actual tantra is neither sleazy nor a joke, but it's not therapy either. It's a spiritual practice within a set of beliefs that you either share or you don't. Practicing tantra with strangers is difficult for people without your history (and for me not a good idea), so I can imagine you will find it much harder.
I don't think your therapist was out of line. I think he just had a bad idea, even in good faith.
Now, for what he's aiming for, and without knowing you, I think massage therapy would be a better fit. Not a massage focused solely on the physical aspect, but one where the therapist pays special attention to contact quality and to establish a level of trust and physical intimacy without being sexual. Once you have gotten more used to physical contact and demystified it, you can start working on actual sexual contact, but you won't be able to do that with a professional (well, at least not that type of professional).
Of course, IANYT, so take my words with a grain of salt.
posted by Promethea at 3:00 AM on March 7, 2015 [11 favorites]
I don't think your therapist was out of line. I think he just had a bad idea, even in good faith.
Now, for what he's aiming for, and without knowing you, I think massage therapy would be a better fit. Not a massage focused solely on the physical aspect, but one where the therapist pays special attention to contact quality and to establish a level of trust and physical intimacy without being sexual. Once you have gotten more used to physical contact and demystified it, you can start working on actual sexual contact, but you won't be able to do that with a professional (well, at least not that type of professional).
Of course, IANYT, so take my words with a grain of salt.
posted by Promethea at 3:00 AM on March 7, 2015 [11 favorites]
Mod note: One comment deleted. One needn't be an expert to respond, but to keep this as helpful as possible let's try to avoid a lot of answers that are just folks sort of casually weighing in without having any particular knowledge of Tantra, therapeutic practices, or other specific insight pertinent to the problem. Thanks.
posted by taz (staff) at 5:03 AM on March 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by taz (staff) at 5:03 AM on March 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
I met my partner now wife back in 1999 at a pot-luck associated with a tantra community in the North SF Bay area (specifics inbound via email).
I very much enjoyed aspects of that community, but part of why we stopped hanging out there is that it didn't necessarily feel like consent was always being dealt with as explicitly as I feel it needs to be. These consent issues also really only came up as I got deeper into the community. I'm happy to exchange email about them.
On the other hand, I volunteered to facilitate on one workshop where a woman clearly had had some extremely traumatic experiences, and I believe that we, collectively, managed to provide her with a very safe space to explore some pretty heavy issues.
At the time, I think most tantra or tantra-ish communities in my area had some sort of distinctly non-sexual portion of the community (the pot-lucks at this usually ended up with some people naked in the hot tub, but it was not a sexual naked), and that could be a place to talk about some of your concerns with other people in the community. I agree with Promethea that practicing naked tantra with strangers is probably a bad idea, but there are opportunities to meet people, to do fully clothed breathing exercises with people, to spend time holding someone's hands and looking in their eyes and have that be as far as a sexual experience goes with that person.
As Promethea said, tantra is also a spiritual practice, and the other part of my falling away from the community is that I'm still not sure where to draw the line on spiritual practice and rituals vs set of turn-ons. Your mileage will definitely vary.
The mid teens are a different social space than the late '90s, but my first intro to tantra was an evening in Good Vibrations in Berkeley. That's not far off from an author reading at your local bookstore. Something like that may be a place to dip your toe in...
posted by straw at 6:49 AM on March 7, 2015
I very much enjoyed aspects of that community, but part of why we stopped hanging out there is that it didn't necessarily feel like consent was always being dealt with as explicitly as I feel it needs to be. These consent issues also really only came up as I got deeper into the community. I'm happy to exchange email about them.
On the other hand, I volunteered to facilitate on one workshop where a woman clearly had had some extremely traumatic experiences, and I believe that we, collectively, managed to provide her with a very safe space to explore some pretty heavy issues.
At the time, I think most tantra or tantra-ish communities in my area had some sort of distinctly non-sexual portion of the community (the pot-lucks at this usually ended up with some people naked in the hot tub, but it was not a sexual naked), and that could be a place to talk about some of your concerns with other people in the community. I agree with Promethea that practicing naked tantra with strangers is probably a bad idea, but there are opportunities to meet people, to do fully clothed breathing exercises with people, to spend time holding someone's hands and looking in their eyes and have that be as far as a sexual experience goes with that person.
As Promethea said, tantra is also a spiritual practice, and the other part of my falling away from the community is that I'm still not sure where to draw the line on spiritual practice and rituals vs set of turn-ons. Your mileage will definitely vary.
The mid teens are a different social space than the late '90s, but my first intro to tantra was an evening in Good Vibrations in Berkeley. That's not far off from an author reading at your local bookstore. Something like that may be a place to dip your toe in...
posted by straw at 6:49 AM on March 7, 2015
As someone who has been raped and sexually abused, I wouldn't do it for several reasons.
The first is that there appears to be no formal schooling, licensing or accreditation for "tantric practitioners". Many claim to be certified, but certified by whom? Not a single Google search returned results for accredited schools, licensing authorities or legitimate certification processes for people who claim to practice tantric massage. What that means is that basically anyone can call themselves a practitioner of tantra.
The second is that "tantric massage" in a solo context, regardless of any claims of spirituality, is typically going to be you paying a lot of money for a stranger to engage in physical contact with your genitals. In some jurisdictions this would be illegal, which is why it seems to be so shrouded in secrecy.
The third reason is that there are a lot of claims about "tantric massage", none of which are actually quantifiable or scientifically proven beyond the already known benefits that meditation, arousal and orgasm provide. Some practitioners offer g-spot stimulation and call it things like "internal pelvic release". Tantra in this context seems to be a co-opting or amalgamation of mindfulness, breathing exercises and sexual release used as a supposed therapeutic tool.
The last reason is that, yes, I do think this is an inappropriate thing for a therapist to suggest to a survivor of sexual trauma. I don't necessarily think that your therapist was being intentionally sleazy, especially since you describe him as "woo", but I do think that it was a suggestion made in very poor judgement.
The suggestion of paid sexual contact with a stranger who massages your genitals as a form of therapy for sexual trauma seems like it might be retraumatizing if things go badly or you have a bad reaction. And because there is no licensing for this kind of work, you have no guarantee of professional conduct or that the person performing the massage is qualified to help you if you have a negative experience. There's also the issue of consent and whether your consent will be respected in either a one on one or group setting, especially since you already have boundary issues.
You should discuss this with your therapist in depth. Don't let him off the hook, this is an important thing to hash out. Does he know what "bodywork" actually is, does he know that it may be illegal and does he know that anyone can call themselves a practitioner of tantra and that he may be putting your recovery and even safety at risk by making this suggestion? If not, why didn't any of these things occur to him?
One last thing: I think you should consider whether your trouble saying no is at play here even with your therapist. You say that he's not pressuring you, but the fact that he's in an authoritative position over you means that his suggestions carry more weight than if some person on the street suggested it. If your therapist knows that you have trouble saying no to people, even more so in sexual situations, why isn't he working with you on asserting yourself before suggesting you put yourself in an unknown sexual situation with strangers?
posted by i feel possessed at 7:16 AM on March 7, 2015 [5 favorites]
The first is that there appears to be no formal schooling, licensing or accreditation for "tantric practitioners". Many claim to be certified, but certified by whom? Not a single Google search returned results for accredited schools, licensing authorities or legitimate certification processes for people who claim to practice tantric massage. What that means is that basically anyone can call themselves a practitioner of tantra.
The second is that "tantric massage" in a solo context, regardless of any claims of spirituality, is typically going to be you paying a lot of money for a stranger to engage in physical contact with your genitals. In some jurisdictions this would be illegal, which is why it seems to be so shrouded in secrecy.
The third reason is that there are a lot of claims about "tantric massage", none of which are actually quantifiable or scientifically proven beyond the already known benefits that meditation, arousal and orgasm provide. Some practitioners offer g-spot stimulation and call it things like "internal pelvic release". Tantra in this context seems to be a co-opting or amalgamation of mindfulness, breathing exercises and sexual release used as a supposed therapeutic tool.
The last reason is that, yes, I do think this is an inappropriate thing for a therapist to suggest to a survivor of sexual trauma. I don't necessarily think that your therapist was being intentionally sleazy, especially since you describe him as "woo", but I do think that it was a suggestion made in very poor judgement.
The suggestion of paid sexual contact with a stranger who massages your genitals as a form of therapy for sexual trauma seems like it might be retraumatizing if things go badly or you have a bad reaction. And because there is no licensing for this kind of work, you have no guarantee of professional conduct or that the person performing the massage is qualified to help you if you have a negative experience. There's also the issue of consent and whether your consent will be respected in either a one on one or group setting, especially since you already have boundary issues.
You should discuss this with your therapist in depth. Don't let him off the hook, this is an important thing to hash out. Does he know what "bodywork" actually is, does he know that it may be illegal and does he know that anyone can call themselves a practitioner of tantra and that he may be putting your recovery and even safety at risk by making this suggestion? If not, why didn't any of these things occur to him?
One last thing: I think you should consider whether your trouble saying no is at play here even with your therapist. You say that he's not pressuring you, but the fact that he's in an authoritative position over you means that his suggestions carry more weight than if some person on the street suggested it. If your therapist knows that you have trouble saying no to people, even more so in sexual situations, why isn't he working with you on asserting yourself before suggesting you put yourself in an unknown sexual situation with strangers?
posted by i feel possessed at 7:16 AM on March 7, 2015 [5 favorites]
Therapists make referrals (it's actually a good sign that they're not fostering dependency), and you're seeing this therapist to learn how to be comfortable with sex and sexuality again, so the referral in theory doesn't seem unethical. I do worry about whether it's particularly informed, though. I'm a therapist who works with survivors of sexual trauma (though obviously I'm not your therapist), and I'm not sure I'd recommend anything that involved nudity to a trauma-survivor client unless I had actually done the courses myself, worked with the practitioner myself, and had an extensive conversation with the practitioner or facilitator about their training, experience, and practice of trauma-informed care.
It's possible your therapist has done the courses and is telling a therapist-white-lie to avoid making your relationship with him weird, or that he's had other clients do it and can't tell you that because of confidentiality issues, but he should still be able to tell you why he's recommending this particular group and this particular practitioner. If he can't, it's likely because he hasn't spoken to them himself explicitly about how they would work with sexual-trauma survivors.
What does strike me as potentially unethical is recommending to a sexual-trauma survivor that she get involved with an organization that has secrets around sex. Especially if you're dealing with any childhood sexual abuse, that alone is enough of a red flag that I would caution you against participating.
With trauma, the process of widening out your comfort zone (sexually or otherwise) is generally most successful if you take small steps at a time, thinking about "What's juuuuust out of my comfort zone right now?" and trying that. Not stretching yourself at all leaves you restricted and shut down, but stretching way too far and doing something super-scary will often retrigger the anxiety feelings and make you shrink back down your previous comfort zone as a way of feeling safe again. It seems to me there are other ways of taking these sorts of small steps that don't involve potentially sketchy consent issues while you're naked in a room of strangers. Trauma-informed yoga, books about tantra (as others have said, it's not just about sex), non-sexual massage (shiatsu and Thai massage are even fully clothed) -- there are a lot of lower-pressure ways of starting to come to back into your body.
Again, I don't think the referral alone makes him a bad therapist, but it doesn't seem like a great referral. (If you have been getting other red flags about him, though, make sure you're listening to yourself.)
posted by jaguar at 8:14 AM on March 7, 2015 [10 favorites]
It's possible your therapist has done the courses and is telling a therapist-white-lie to avoid making your relationship with him weird, or that he's had other clients do it and can't tell you that because of confidentiality issues, but he should still be able to tell you why he's recommending this particular group and this particular practitioner. If he can't, it's likely because he hasn't spoken to them himself explicitly about how they would work with sexual-trauma survivors.
What does strike me as potentially unethical is recommending to a sexual-trauma survivor that she get involved with an organization that has secrets around sex. Especially if you're dealing with any childhood sexual abuse, that alone is enough of a red flag that I would caution you against participating.
With trauma, the process of widening out your comfort zone (sexually or otherwise) is generally most successful if you take small steps at a time, thinking about "What's juuuuust out of my comfort zone right now?" and trying that. Not stretching yourself at all leaves you restricted and shut down, but stretching way too far and doing something super-scary will often retrigger the anxiety feelings and make you shrink back down your previous comfort zone as a way of feeling safe again. It seems to me there are other ways of taking these sorts of small steps that don't involve potentially sketchy consent issues while you're naked in a room of strangers. Trauma-informed yoga, books about tantra (as others have said, it's not just about sex), non-sexual massage (shiatsu and Thai massage are even fully clothed) -- there are a lot of lower-pressure ways of starting to come to back into your body.
Again, I don't think the referral alone makes him a bad therapist, but it doesn't seem like a great referral. (If you have been getting other red flags about him, though, make sure you're listening to yourself.)
posted by jaguar at 8:14 AM on March 7, 2015 [10 favorites]
I agree that tantra isn't always about sex, but in this case it's 100% about sex. Your therapist didn't suggest tantra out of a random sampling of religious or mindfulness practices for study, he suggested tantra as a sexually-related practice in response to your goals regarding sexual intimacy. He told you there may be nudity and "bodywork". If he were just suggesting an intense non-sexual yoga session or a workshop for deep breathing techniques or mediation or directing energy, he wouldn't be warning you about these things.
I know you say that you like and trust him, but how did he misread this situation so badly as to suggest such a thing to a sexual trauma survivor? Lob the ball back in his court and ask him why he's suggesting these things when they could be harmful to you and what he intends to do to be a better therapist in the future. Ask him why he suggested that particular group and practitioner and how did he even happen to have their names on hand to suggest in the first place. (Especially since he said he's never used their services, how does he know they're appropriate or safe for you? Or else he's lying about having not gone.)
You said you're not uncomfortable now, and that's a good thing, but if you ever feel uncomfortable about this, it's okay to report him for unethical behavior. This is absolutely something I'd consider boundary crossing if it were me.
posted by i feel possessed at 9:43 AM on March 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
I know you say that you like and trust him, but how did he misread this situation so badly as to suggest such a thing to a sexual trauma survivor? Lob the ball back in his court and ask him why he's suggesting these things when they could be harmful to you and what he intends to do to be a better therapist in the future. Ask him why he suggested that particular group and practitioner and how did he even happen to have their names on hand to suggest in the first place. (Especially since he said he's never used their services, how does he know they're appropriate or safe for you? Or else he's lying about having not gone.)
You said you're not uncomfortable now, and that's a good thing, but if you ever feel uncomfortable about this, it's okay to report him for unethical behavior. This is absolutely something I'd consider boundary crossing if it were me.
posted by i feel possessed at 9:43 AM on March 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
If you are not very comfortable with sex and have trouble saying no in sexual situations, please please please please do not participate in tantra or BDSM or swinging or any other sexual subculture practices, especially not ones where group identity is constructed around sex.
They are great, they contain many wonderful people, they may be helpful for you later on if you find you reach a point where you are really GOOD at saying no. They also contain a not-insignificant number of predators and sleazeballs who find it very easy to work in those communities. There's a couple things that makes it a bit easier for them than normal: group identity is constructed around sex or sexualized play, so if you're not all gung-ho into it this can be misread as lack of loyalty to the group (hence a subtle but insidious level of peer pressure that's completely unintentional but sometimes hard to resist-- it's the same thing as when you go out drinking with your friends and maybe have a single beer too many); and secondly, these communities are by nature somewhat stigmatized by outsiders, which makes them wary of persecuting their members, and maybe more accepting of some practices than they should be. This all adds up to these communities being really great if you are VERY sure of your own wants and not-wants and you are willing to say no to people. Sometimes repeatedly, loudly, and far more often than you should have to. It doesn't sound like that'd be a fun or comfortable experience for you.
Honestly, if tantra appeals to you, you should be able to get a similar experience in the arms of a caring, careful friend who loves you (not necessarily a romantic love) and also wants to have sex with you and is happy to help you do the work of exploring what you're comfortable with and not right now. Then there are two of you-- you and your friend-- who can catch you if you start to fall. If that's not available, a professional sex worker might also be appropriate, one who's aware of your situation and is willing to work with you to meet your needs-- in that case, the one-on-one might be okay, but also maybe not, depending on what tantra folks are trained to do. That might be something you can talk to your therapist about doing. But Jesus H Christ no, tantra organizations do not sound like a wise idea, at least right now.
It sounds like you're doing a great job of working through this stuff, by the way. Best of luck.
posted by WidgetAlley at 10:18 AM on March 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
They are great, they contain many wonderful people, they may be helpful for you later on if you find you reach a point where you are really GOOD at saying no. They also contain a not-insignificant number of predators and sleazeballs who find it very easy to work in those communities. There's a couple things that makes it a bit easier for them than normal: group identity is constructed around sex or sexualized play, so if you're not all gung-ho into it this can be misread as lack of loyalty to the group (hence a subtle but insidious level of peer pressure that's completely unintentional but sometimes hard to resist-- it's the same thing as when you go out drinking with your friends and maybe have a single beer too many); and secondly, these communities are by nature somewhat stigmatized by outsiders, which makes them wary of persecuting their members, and maybe more accepting of some practices than they should be. This all adds up to these communities being really great if you are VERY sure of your own wants and not-wants and you are willing to say no to people. Sometimes repeatedly, loudly, and far more often than you should have to. It doesn't sound like that'd be a fun or comfortable experience for you.
Honestly, if tantra appeals to you, you should be able to get a similar experience in the arms of a caring, careful friend who loves you (not necessarily a romantic love) and also wants to have sex with you and is happy to help you do the work of exploring what you're comfortable with and not right now. Then there are two of you-- you and your friend-- who can catch you if you start to fall. If that's not available, a professional sex worker might also be appropriate, one who's aware of your situation and is willing to work with you to meet your needs-- in that case, the one-on-one might be okay, but also maybe not, depending on what tantra folks are trained to do. That might be something you can talk to your therapist about doing. But Jesus H Christ no, tantra organizations do not sound like a wise idea, at least right now.
It sounds like you're doing a great job of working through this stuff, by the way. Best of luck.
posted by WidgetAlley at 10:18 AM on March 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
My therapist absolutely recommended mindfulness sex practices* to me during my therapy for rape trauma. She did it in the context of how we were already working - mindfulness, meditation - but also with my trusted partner. I would not hesitate to recommend mindful sex practices to a rape survivor but I would not promote a sexual subculture for all of the reasons people have said.
*Not tantra, but using ideas about mindfulness in conjunction with sex.
posted by geek anachronism at 3:23 PM on March 7, 2015
*Not tantra, but using ideas about mindfulness in conjunction with sex.
posted by geek anachronism at 3:23 PM on March 7, 2015
Tantra is boundary pushing and right now you are repairing boundaries so this would be a big NO for me if I were in your shoes. There are professional cuddlers, massage therapists that may be more what you need right now.
David Deida explaining the difference between sexual therapy and sexual yoga.
And add me to the chorus saying I'm surprised your therapist suggested tantra. I think it's irresponsible to suggest it based on your background.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 8:06 PM on March 7, 2015
David Deida explaining the difference between sexual therapy and sexual yoga.
And add me to the chorus saying I'm surprised your therapist suggested tantra. I think it's irresponsible to suggest it based on your background.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 8:06 PM on March 7, 2015
Tantra is a spiritual practice that seeks enlightenment through the acceptance of pleasure in moderation AND the acceptance of the fact that pleasure if IMPERMANENT. Someone adept in tantra is able to enjoy pleasures fully while also being detached from pleasure. (Actually any enlightened person will be able to do this no matter what path they choose; and Tantra is just one of those paths. The difference being that Tantra uses the path of pleasure to get there.)
There are two types of tantra. Left-hand tantra and Right-hand Tantra. The type associated with Sex is the left-hand version and this is the type Westerners are most familiar with.
I just want you to know that it is extremely difficult to find a REAL Right-Hand Tantra guru that isn't simply looking to take advantage of others. For this reason alone I would not recommend it.
I like the suggestion above about regular massage. This seems to be a softer stepping stone to get over fears of being touched. Eventually you might be interested in Sex Therapy. These are therapists that are actually certified by AASECT - though I admit I don't know much about AASECT or sex therapy in general, I did once know someone with a Masters in Psychology that trained to be a sex therapist. I think you'll have a better chance of finding someone that's not skeevy if you take that route rather than the Right-Hand Tantra route.
As a side note: If you decide to learn more about Right-hand Tantra which doesn't have much emphasis on sex, I recommend the book Introduction to Tantra by Lama Yeshe to start.
posted by rancher at 10:29 PM on March 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
There are two types of tantra. Left-hand tantra and Right-hand Tantra. The type associated with Sex is the left-hand version and this is the type Westerners are most familiar with.
I just want you to know that it is extremely difficult to find a REAL Right-Hand Tantra guru that isn't simply looking to take advantage of others. For this reason alone I would not recommend it.
I like the suggestion above about regular massage. This seems to be a softer stepping stone to get over fears of being touched. Eventually you might be interested in Sex Therapy. These are therapists that are actually certified by AASECT - though I admit I don't know much about AASECT or sex therapy in general, I did once know someone with a Masters in Psychology that trained to be a sex therapist. I think you'll have a better chance of finding someone that's not skeevy if you take that route rather than the Right-Hand Tantra route.
As a side note: If you decide to learn more about Right-hand Tantra which doesn't have much emphasis on sex, I recommend the book Introduction to Tantra by Lama Yeshe to start.
posted by rancher at 10:29 PM on March 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
Correction in my post above. "it is extremely difficult to find a reak LEFThand Tantra guru that isn't simply looking to take advantage of others."..."I think you'll have a better chance of finding someone that's not skeevy if you take that route rather than the LEFT-Hand Tantra route."
Sorry for mixing my left and right that way.
posted by rancher at 11:48 PM on March 8, 2015
Sorry for mixing my left and right that way.
posted by rancher at 11:48 PM on March 8, 2015
« Older 24-hour or late night veg-friendly grocery stores... | How to back out of doing something that you... Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.
This is the part of your post that stuck out to me the most. One thing you could do would be to talk with someone involved with one of the courses or one of the one-on-one practitioners and bring up this concern, as well as the context of you having a history of sexual violence/trauma. If they're not willing to talk about this, or fail to address this totally reasonable concern in a sensitive and caring way, well, you'll know that situation isn't a good one to put yourself in.
I know of people in my area who do something along these lines--creating a ritual container for sacred intimacy--and the woman who runs those events is herself a survivor of sexual violence. Part of her intention in running the events is to create healing for sexual traumas, and she's very careful to discuss consent and to structure things in ways that are sensitive to the needs of survivors. I know that some of the activities are things like practicing making requests for touch and affection and simultaneously practicing saying yes and no to such requests.
So I imagine that within the world of things labelled tantra there are events like that, which could be healing for you, and that there are also events that are skeezy or less focused on creating safety that might not work well for you at all.
posted by overglow at 2:11 AM on March 7, 2015 [8 favorites]