No Kids? How did you fill that kid shaped hole?
August 11, 2014 3:04 PM Subscribe
The missus and I are working through the decision to procreate or not. She's not so interested, I kinda am. I'm looking for insight and experience from people who chose not to have children, but still care about and like to spend time with kids. Details inside.
Background: early to mid thirties hetero couple. Good stable jobs. Married for 8 years. When we got married, the idea of kids seemed far away, and we both assumed we'd be into it when the time came.
That time is rapidly approaching. Lady has come to a place where while not wholly against the idea of kids, is on the no side. I find myself interested in raising a child. I wouldn't describe myself as really having that kid shaped hole in my heart that I desperately need to fill, but I am interested in, and positive towards the premise.
Sanely, we've been doing some couples therapy to help us work through this issue. It's been challenging but good for us and our relationship. Part of that process has been for us to explore what are lives would be like on either side of the choice. We don't have many older friends who made the no-kid choice, and so I come to you, dear Ask Mefi.
I've read through a couple of the related ask MeFi questions and they raised some interesting ideas. Kids provide the most common structure and narrative arc to ones life. Some who don't have kids but still wish to have that arc try to find a challenge, or life goal(s) that they work to overcome. Many also just live, indulging their desires as they see fit. The most common suggestion seems to be that travel is the thing for the kid-less. It seemed like many who chose not to have kids, have no interest in children, which is fine, of course.
But I'm mostly interested in hearing about a sort of middle ground. Which is, you like kids, you had some interest in raising one, but ultimately chose not to have any. How do you scratch that itch? Do you just ignore it? Do you volunteer? Are you the kick-ass aunt/uncle? Do you have regrets? Do you find satisfaction from the ways you moved forward without your own kids?
None of my closest friends have kids, though there are some around. I'm unlikely to ever be an uncle.
Thanks in advance for sharing.