Babies or no babies?
January 31, 2012 1:01 AM Subscribe
Is kids vs. no kids always a dealbreaker?
posted by queens86 to Human Relations (57 answers total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
Let me preface this by saying I am very young (25) and my boyfriend is 26. We've been dating about 6 months (4 of which have been long distance), and overall, things are really good. The long distance sucks but we are managing, and the longer I'm with him, the more committed and sure I feel about him. We do have one reoccurring issue we disagree on that comes up every couple months, but that's neither here nor there.
What I'm curious about is the topic of kids. I have never felt like I've wanted them, and I feel like most of my friends KNOW (and have known for a long time) that they do. My aunt and uncle are married and childless, and they travel, go out all the time, etc, and that's sort of the lifestyle I envision myself being happy with. I wouldn't say I am absolutely opposed to the idea of ever changing my mind, but when I tell my friends I don't want them and they say "oh, you will!" it annoys me. I just like my freedom, I want to travel a lot, I am not a very maternal or kid-oriented person in general and I don't want to tie my identity around being a mother.
My boyfriend does want kids, and I feel like the longer we are dating, the more he wants them! I didn't think much of it but for some reason he mentioned it today and then said "oh we better not talk about it" (because we don't agree) and it got me thinking. At first when we met his attitude seemed to be "yes, I want them but I have some serious reservations so I'm not sure" and when I asked him today what percent he wants kids he said 90%! I'd say I'm about 75% against having them.
Is it silly to be thinking about this 6 months into a relationship when we are both in our mid-20s? I know he doesn't want to get married for at least 5 more years and I agree, so he wouldn't want them til his mid-30s I'm guessing (haven't actually asked). Have any women out there really not wanted kids and changed their minds? Or men who wanted kids and changed theirs? If I don't want them now, should I give it more time? He said he doesn't want to be 30 and have to break up with me to find a woman to have kids with, because it will be late by then.
Opinions, please? Am I getting way ahead of myself? Thanks!