Dating advice from non-"PUA"-douchebags?
May 17, 2014 5:49 PM Subscribe
Seeking recommendations on dating advice for men, unfortunately that entire genre seems to be dominated by "Pick Up Artists" and other assorted misogynist douchebags. Is there any advice to be found out there which comes from a viewpoint which respects women and men? Bonus points if it makes an inspirational case for why one should bother in the first place.
posted by linus587 to Human Relations (21 answers total) 23 users marked this as a favorite
A bit of background if it helps: hetero male, late 20s, never been in a significant romantic relationship. Had one girlfriend a few years ago, only lasted a month. Dated online sporadically over the last 5 years, maybe a dozen dates, but never found a similar spark.
I am particularly looking for solid advice because I'm concerned – my 30s are right around the corner and although I feel like an adult in most areas of my life (I have a well paying job, I pay my bills, I feel confident in most social situations), I feel utterly inexperienced and unprepared in this part of my life. I was raised fundamentalist Christian from the age of 12 until I left the church at 21, and I feel like the years when I should have been learning (by failing) all I learned was how to avoid the opposite sex. I've managed over the years to let go of a lot of the religious baggage around sex and I feel ready to try to engage with this problem head on.
Unfortunately, when I think about this I tend to get pretty discouraged. Dating seems more like work than fun in my experience. I hate writing a dating profile and will often re-write my profile over and over, it never seems to be projecting the right image, either funny but too cynical or pretentious or way too earnest and dry and boring. I think about the terrible dates I've been on and how much of a waste of time they were. With some exceptions, the average date feels like a job interview where you pay for drinks. Add on top of that a generation where nobody shares the same views on gender roles anymore, as well as my own ability to overthink like a bandit, I'm half way convinced to settle for a life of semi-miserable celibacy.
Unfortunately most of the "dating advice" for men out there seems to be to put on a stupid hat, perform a magic trick and insult her shoes. Also these tomes seem to be centred around the idea that sexual conquest is a game / a way to build your ego. I'm looking more for how to go about a search for the person with whom I can share my life, victories and defeats.
If anyone has first hand experience to share, or can recommend some good reads or other media, I would grateful to the nth degree.