I feel like I am exerting a lot of energy towards dating without much return. I have fun while doing it, but since I rarely meet someone who lasts more than a date or two, it’s starting to feel like an exercise in futility. I have dating quantity, but how do I get quality?
posted by anonymous to human relations (29 answers total) 18 users marked this as a favorite
Obligatory History [aka too much information and self-justification, but of course, open to criticism]:
I’m female, mid-twenties, and sexually attracted to men. I really like meeting new people and going on dates. I’m good at first date small talk. I have eclectic taste, and enjoy hearing about people’s lives. I like men, I like feeling feminine and I like flirting. I am somewhat picky about whom I go out with, since I’m really happy with where I’m at in my life, but that just means that as long as I don't get "creep" vibe, I generally say “yes” whenever I get asked out. I don’t play games (the Rules, etc.,), but I don’t feel desperate. I’m cautious and traditional, so first and second dates are casual and non-physical, for the most part.
Over the last year, I’ve really made an effort to be open to meeting men, even though it’s harder now that I am out of college.
Gone out with men who are not necessarily my type, physically or personality-wise.
Given men my phone number.
Gone out with men that I’ve met online.
Spent time doing what I enjoy doing (classes, gym, volunteering) and have thus met men with similar interests.
The problem is that despite meeting lots of great men, I have yet to "click" with a guy...who is actually single, straight, and available -- the sad truth, as much as I loathe sounding like a rerun of "Sex and the City."
I don’t want anything serious right away; I don’t want to be married right now nor do I believe in the notion of soulmates. However, to be mutually attracted to someone physically and intellectually, long enough to date for even a month or two sounds like heaven at this point.
"Chemistry “ is starting to feel like a romantic fantasy, something akin to waiting for Prince Charming.
Sometimes the men are unavailable or just not interested in going out again, but for the most part, I end things after a date or two or three.
I’ve been told by friends that I’m too picky, or that I am too much of a minority (religious and liberal), but isn’t the idea of a connection that you just feel it? I agree that it is picky to judge guys on looks, income level or education, but if you don't feel an attraction, or if you don't share a sense of humor, or if they are so dull you'd rather go home and do laundry, then I think it is nicer to just break it off, so I do.
I feel too young to be burnt out, so I need some new ideas about where to go from here, some encouraging stories or a (not too harsh!) reality check.