The office next to mine is empty, and my ex wants to fill it.
March 21, 2014 4:02 PM Subscribe
My ex boyfriend, the subject of a previous askme
, is applying to work in my current work group. I would rather quit than work with him, but that would be crippling to my career as well as seriously unfair considering the damage he did to me. How do I talk to my boss or HR without sounding just sounding like a crazy ex girlfriend?
posted by cakebatter to Human Relations (41 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
To get away from that relationship, I WOKE UP to the million ways that he had destroyed my mind and ended up moving halfway across the country. Both the ex and I work in a VERY small specialty industry with little opportunities but I found a new job that is very desirable. Hence.. he has now applied to work in my current group since there is a very nice opening that he fits the bill for. Everyone in my group, including my boss, knows who he is. I am a professional and private person so I have not talked about why we split, just that it didn't work out, so they have no idea that it was because he was a sexual creep who made me suicidal. He on the other hand, told people that the reason we broke up was because i cheated (no) because until the end he still wouldn't admit that he had done something bad enough for me to leave him.
I have been in therapy to deal with the abuse I put up with from him and making great progress.. but the idea of having to see him everyday and hear his misogynistic bs, and hearing my coworkers laugh and chat with him, gave me a panic attack when I heard that he had applied to our group. I hate him so much and I think my productivity would really suffer, and quality of life, to have to see him and see him doing well and not being able to slap him every. single. day.
I am prepared to quit if he is hired because life is too short, but I want to tell my boss first so that maybe I won't have to? I would take a HUGE, potentially ruinous hit to my career by straight up leaving this job, so I want to really make my case. Just telling him that I don't want to work with my ex seems weird and dramatic, but I really don't want to have to go into details.
I heard about this from my colleague, and it is a confirmed actual happening. The ex, of course, was not considerate enough to inform me, and I will NOT call him.
How should I talk to my boss about this? In person? In email? In a meeting with HR? Is this even an issue that I should bring up? We are a tight knit group and most issues are worked out pretty informally here, so just scheduling an appointment with HR (who in HR handles this type of stuff?) would probably hurt my reputation and make them regret hiring me last year. I don't want any drama. I don't want my colleagues to see me cry.
Bonus level of difficulty: I am the only person who is under the age of 35, unmarried, and female in my working group of 8. Everyone else is an older, married, very conservative man. I stand out as different and already have trouble fitting in as one of the main bonding activities in the group is talking about women in an objectifying manner (one of the many noted problems with some STEM jobs). I like my job though, and will not be driven out because of that alone, but working with that particular ex would really be too much to bear. HELP!!!!!!!!