Ambiguous not-dating friendship
December 1, 2013 4:58 PM Subscribe
How should I interpret this man's behaviour?
I met a guy on OkCupid. I'm confused by his behaviour and would appreciate some, any, insights from the Hive Mind.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (36 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I came out of a LTR in April and have no experience in online dating. My past relationships have always been straightforward in the 'we fancy each other, let's go out' way. Please help me figure him out!
Earlier this month, I got in touch with Adam on Okcupid. We met for a 45 minute coffee date two days later and established some kind of mutual attraction. We met a week later (Saturday) for drinks and dinner and he invited me to his apartment. We chatted about all kinds of things and and had a hot and heavy make out session. Five days later on Thursday, he invited me to his apartment again to watch a movie. We didn't finish the movie. We started making out and had sex. The weekend passed with little communication (we usually text) and on Monday, I went back to his place to finish the movie because I told him the movie's shit but I'd still want to finish it. This time there was no making out, nothing physical. I was initially confused because I was beginning to get a little more physically affectionate with him but took his cue and held back. I was fine with it because I thought the previous encounter was possibly premature and I didn't want whatever it was between us to go down the FWB route.
Through the evening, I started to wonder if he's cooling off because we had sex. He is friendly but the physical aspect is definitely down many notches. However, he slips in some suggestive phrases about being 'turned on' by me while we chatted about something else. Didn't make any moves though. By the end of the evening, I was convinced that Adam's body language told me he wasn't interested in me. It was slightly disappointing, but I wasn't too shattered. I would love to explore a little more with him, but our conversations remained shallow and noncommittal. We didn't talk about what happened the week before either. I can do Friend if that's what he wants.
He invited himself to an activity I had planned with my friends a few days later, on Thursday. The evening went well. After said activity, he hung around me and my roommate making small talk outside the bar. After parting ways, he sends me a text message saying he was 'disappointed' I didn't stay longer with him. I was surprised and responded with a 'I didn't know you wanted to spend time with me alone' and he said he wasn't sure either because my roommate was with me and I looked like I wanted to go.
Slightly encouraged again, I asked him out on Saturday to which he replied that he wasn't sure if he had work to do and would let me know the day before. Friday comes and goes and I didn't hear from him. I received a few messages after midnight from Adam saying he won't be able to make it because he had to be in the office after lunch. I replied 12 hours later saying that I didn't hear from him all day Friday and assumed he wasn't interested, no big deal.
He replied with 'ok cool' and I don't hear from him again till 36 hours later (Sunday night) with a picture he took while out on a walk and some superficial talk again.
Is he playing some sort of mind game with me? I get the feeling he's not interested in me romantically, but then he says he's turned on by me or he is disappointed he didn't get me alone. It seems like I am getting two signals from him. Should I talk to him about it?
I see him online and it is all fine by me. I just want to know what he wants from me - friendship? More? What?