I want to out on dates, not sit at home and write emails
February 25, 2011 10:42 AM Subscribe
Online dating question for the women of Metafilter : if a guy asks you out in the first email, do you automatically assume that he's a player, a creep, or otherwise undesirable? What if you email him first, and he asks you out in his first reply?
posted by Sloop John B to human relations (48 answers total) 17 users marked this as a favorite
So here's the deal. I've done online dating multiple times (mostly OkCupid), and each time I wind up leaving after a month or so. I feel like most online dating sites aren't really centered around getting people to meet each other; they exist as a way to get people to write emails. Lots and lots and lots of emails. This wouldn't bother me so much, except I've found very little correlation between compatibility-over-email and compatibility-in-person. Which means all that time spent writing emails is essentially wasted; you get false negatives and false positives all over the place. And it can take A LOT of time. This is usually what makes me leave.
I'm thinking about getting on OkCupid again, but this time around, just asking women out in the first email -- or if they email me first, asking them out in my first reply. A woman's profile gives me basically all the information I need to decide whether or not I should give her a couple hours of my time.
So, here are some things you should assume about the guy doing the emailing:
1) He's reasonably attractive
2) He has a good profile, funny in all the right places
3) He wrote you a solid email. Good grammar, spelling, etc.
4) Basically, he's the kind of guy you would email back if he didn't ask you out in the first email.
I've actually tried Craigslist before, and generally like the way it's oriented towards actually meeting people. If someone responds to your ad, the emailing stage is basically just a matter of ironing out the details. However, Craigslist is irritating and primitive, and doesn't have the same quality userbase as OkCupid. I really like the idea behind howaboutwe.com, but it's not really big in my area (SF) yet.
So what do you think? Is there a good way to approach this? What if I put a line in my profile explaining that I'm not that into email? What if I explain inside the email itself? Is there any way to do this and not come off as a player? I'm definitely not at a point in my life where I'm looking for one-night-stands; I'm just wanting to cut through some of the BS of online dating.