How can you tell whether or not your problems are self-created?
July 12, 2013 2:26 PM Subscribe
You know when someone is complaining about something and the reason for their trouble is SUPER OBVIOUS? Like when a guy you've just met moans, "Why don't I have a girlfriend?" and in his next breath makes a joke about domestic violence? Or when your friend confides that she can't meet anyone in a new city, yet nixes Meetup groups or clubs? Or when your coworker is constantly sick and blames it on germs in the office, when he's been pulling all-nighters and subsisting on Cheetos for the last month?
posted by whenbynowandtreebyleaf to human relations (20 answers total) 35 users marked this as a favorite
How do I know that's not me, too?
Does everyone have blind spots like this, or are some people just less self-aware than others?
I ask because I have a few "common complaints" that have followed me around my whole life (for example: recurring loneliness, despite having the external appearance of a very active social life) and I've been wondering, am I the reason for my dissatisfaction? Is the answer in front of my face? Am I like the above people, venting about something that is within my power to control?
Obviously, many problems and challenges ARE outside of people's control. But what about problems you just *think* are out of your control, but actually you're creating them?
How can you tell the difference? Is there a guide? A flow-chart? A meditation? Is this what therapists do? Have you ever had an a-ha moment where you figured out you were creating your own problem?