I just want to wake up like a normal person
March 17, 2012 6:52 PM Subscribe
Existential panic in the mornings that subsides shortly after waking up. Is this just another stage in getting over a breakup?
posted by sockomatic to Human Relations (14 answers total) 16 users marked this as a favorite
For over a year after my live-in relationship of three years ended, I would wake up in the morning reliving the loss. After we stopped contacting each other, my life got immeasurably better, quickly. I no longer harbor romantic feelings for my ex, and wouldn't consider dating them again. I've dated other people and am learning a lot about friendship. I enjoy my life and feel happy in my own skin.
I still wake up feeling like shit, though. The feelings of grief I had in the mornings have faded to a kind of waking existential nightmare. In my half-awake state, I see myself, alone in my room, as the camera of my mind's eye pulls away from me, slowly revealing my place among millions of dwellings and the people occupying them. I'm painfully aware of my insignificance and I feel intense doubt about the point of my existence. I feel completely worthless and alone.
As I shake off the dregs of sleep, I start to remember why I matter, where I belong and what matters to me, and the feeling fades. It never lasts longer than twenty minutes, and I feel pretty happy throughout the day. Sometimes I put off going to bed because of the waking nightmare I have in the morning.
This was the first time I'd had my heart broken, so I'm wondering if it's normal to feel this way. Will this fade as well at some point? Is this just part of getting over someone you loved and shared your life with? I am finally going to be moving out of the place we shared next month--will that help? Would it help to get rid of the bed we shared as well? I really like it, but would rather not have nightmares.