May 26, 2013 11:06 AM Subscribe
I've just started talking to this (really neat!) guy on OKCupid; I like him a lot & we seem to have a ton in common. However, we won't be in the same place until August. How do I gently steer him away from a penpal-esque situation while still keeping him interested?
posted by anonymous to human relations (12 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
I'm currently in the middle of grad school; I went home for the summer two weeks ago, and I won't be back until August. I've been dating casually in my hometown since getting back here, which is going well. However, I also checked out a few OKCupid profiles in my college town, and one of these guys sent me an initial message last week.
Since then, we've been messaging back & forth (& I'm talking LONG messages - his latest was over 1,000 words). This guy seems absolutely perfect for me: he's super-cute, we have a ton in common, and he seems genuinely interested in a serious relationship. Great! Except - we aren't going to be in the same place for two and a half months (which he's aware of, btw), and while sending long messages can be fun, I don't especially want a penpal.
So, in short, how do I avoid the penpal situation (which seems like it could lead to burnout/not having enough to talk about on an actual date/too much emotional involvement/becoming so familiar with each other that we lose any sense of intrigue) without totally cutting off contact with this guy until August? (I'm not necessarily opposed to cutting off contact, and I certainly don't have the time to write 1,000-word messages all summer, but he seems really enthusiastic & I'd like to keep him interested!)
I should note that there aren't a lot of cute, liberal, interesting guys in my college town, so I want to make sure I don't screw this one up. Also, I know that lots of people in the same situation use Skype or voice calls to ramp it up a notch; I tend to find these really awkward when I don't know the other person well. I'm much better in face-to-face interaction, so I'd like to avoid these if at all possible.
Thanks in advance for any & all advice!