An 18-year-old girl who I'm interested in dating's parents want my info
February 27, 2013 8:29 AM Subscribe
An 18-year-old girl I met online who I'm interested in dating's parents (who, I should note, are still financially supporting her) want all sorts of my info before they'll let her meet me and I believe they want it regardless if she meets me here or if I meet her there. Her parents want, among other things: My address and addresses and phone numbers of various family members of mine; scans of pieces of my ID; to check if I have a criminal record.
Is it wrong of me to want to withhold this info from them?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (96 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
Maybe I'm being irrational here, but I don't feel it necessary for her parents to invade my privacy like this in order for her to meet me. I'm a private person and definitely don't want her parents to, among other things, talk to my family members to make sure I'm not a serial killer or rapist. Couldn't they just, you know, trust their daughter's judgement? The girl is positive I'm not a serial killer or rapist.
For the time being I'm choosing to withhold my info; this has the girl and her parents pissed. She's telling me that my privacy is more important than meeting her and her parents are all suspicious of me now. I of course expect her parents to eventually gain info about me—I don't plan on witholding my info from them forever and expect them to gain info about me in the manner that people typically gain info about others—but them demanding all sorts of info like this from me when I don't even know jack shit about them just doesn't seem right to me.
The girl and I have been talking to each other online for many months now and things have, for the most part, been fine and dandy. Though I'm not really the type to consider myself to be dating someone before actually meeting them in the flesh, regular cam sessions with her have really allowed me to get to know, like, and trust her; you could say we're already dating. I should add that the girl is the one who showed interest in dating me and meeting me. Before she admitted to liking me, I never had any plans to meet her in the flesh and expected our friendship to be confined to the online realm. I should also add that there's quite a big distance between us—about six hours—and we live in different countries: The girl is an American from the north-eastern USA; I'm a Canadian from south-eastern Canada. Also, in case anyone is interested: I'm more than half a decade older than her and am male.
I asked a friend about this situation of mine and this is what they had to say:
I probably wouldn't give it to them. It's a needless invasion of privacy. Not having a criminal record doesn't somehow magically guarantee you won't rape the shit out of her.
But the biggest issue I have is that she's an adult and her parents don't really have the right to dictate who she can and can't meet. Maybe they're paying for something, I dunno. I just think, you know, if you're gonna be in a relationship, pandering to her controlling parents maybe isn't a great idea...
Then again, if you think it will really pacify them, sharing it can't hurt.
I want to meet her but also don't want to have to give my info out in order to meet her. I believe she can't visit me without her parent's approval because they'd be providing her with at least some—not all (she has money saved up in the bank)—money to visit me.
What should I do? Guide me, MeFites. This girl is great; I don't want to lose her.