Parents hate my boyfriend...How should I talk to them?
February 24, 2014 10:56 AM Subscribe
I have dated someone on and off for over a year, we have learned a lot about each other and have unfortunatly been through some ups and downs. We see each other coming out stronger than ever and working through everything but it is taking some time...I am fighting for this because I know what we have is special and what he provides me is what I have been looking for.
posted by BrandNewMe to Human Relations (25 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
There's a little problem. I over shared with my family during the hard times (the dramatic break-ups) the times he may not have said the most appropriate things, or stuff that should have been kept between us and in our relationship and now they (rightfully so) have a very bad image of him. They loved him for me in the beginning, they were so happy for me, and then we broke up a couple times and I was left in tears, and of course my mom was there to wipe them and pick up the pieces. I realize now that I should have just kept certain details to myself or to my friends, and I could have been a little less dramatic and more confident.
I'm putting faith into this man and hoping he is everything he claims to be and that he wants everything he is saying he wants (putting faith in someone is scary, and when you dont have the support of your family it's even scarier)- we both needed some time to ourselves to figure out what we wanted, and with that time a lot of growing and realizations came from it. I'm scared that I could be making the wrong decision in letting him back in, but at the same time I feel I need to do it for me. But, my parents have made it very clear they want nothing to do with me or him if he is in the picture again. I have been very short with them in telling them what is going on, they didn't even fully know that I allowed him back into my life. The way I saw it was they told me they wanted nothing to do with it, so unless they asked, I wasn't going to share. They never asked until my mom saw something he posted on a social media site saying he felt home sick and missed me greatly. (she isa passive aggressive woman) and sent me a picture of the post saying "Look what I saw....", didn't respond to my response, has been cold with me, and is ignoring me. She was "devestated" that I was speaking to him again, and is now giving me the cold shoulder saying that I have been lying to her and withholding things. BTW, I am 30- this sounds like something a teenager would be writing, but believe me its not, and I have been dealing with this most of my life. Situations where my mom hasn't agreed with a decision I am making and goes "cold" on me, almost to guilt me or punish me into it.
Here is my question... I respect and understand their concern, their concerns aren't based on unsound judgements- I get it, my problem is that I just want them to be my parents and support whatever decision I make because this is stressing me and this relationship out to the point where I cant focus enough to even determine if this is the right choice for ME. I don't want to argue and plead a case about him, or force them to like him, or force him on them, I just want them to let me and him back into their lives so they can SEE for themselves that he is the man he is claiming to be. But I don't know how to go about doing this, I am absolutly terrified to speak to them because it turns into an argument or emotionally charged disagreement. I am very close with my parents so this is very important to me. How would you go about talking to them about this without seeming like I am trying to convince them he is a good guy or they need to like him. I just want them to treat me like a daughter, support me, and not punish me because they don't agree with me. I understand their concern but I need to tell them basically that it is my life and at the end of the day I have to make decisions based on my happiness, they just need to be there for me. Maybe I have just answered my own question! Has anyone had a situation like this, does it work to talk, or should I wait until they are ready to speak to me?