Seriously confused by recent breakup.
July 28, 2012 7:09 PM Subscribe
Why am I hopeful with this ex-girlfriend ?
posted by Atlantic to Human Relations (31 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
This is a bit of a story, but I'll try to keep it concise. I dated my ex (as of last week) for 9 months. For the first time in my life I was the one who was unsure about my feelings in the relationship. I didn't fall hard, or fast like I tend to. I was happy, and I was not constantly anxious about her.
I felt like these were all healthy feelings in the relationship. She was quite head over heals with me from the beginning and confessed that she loved me at about 6 months. For the first time I was confident that I had found someone who wasn't going to burn me.
Fast forward to 8 months. I finally decide to take the plunge and say I love her back. She's pretty happy. First time I've not said this first in a relationship.
Two or three weeks pass. We're talking and she starts to tell me that she's "falling so in love with me" I reciprocate appropriately with the level of feeling I can give at this point in my progression and she's satisfied.
Two weeks later we break up. She says she's not sure if I'm the right person. She is 19 and I am 24. For the moment lets forget the reasons she gives me about breaking up.
From everyone I've spoken too, she just doesn't know what she wants because: a) she says this, b) she contradicts the reasons why I'm not right with other reasons, c) She backtracks in the same conversation and says "but your perfect and please don't change cause you're not doing anything wrong".
Okay so she's seriously confused as to what she wants and who she is. No surprise. What I'm concerned about is this final message I got from her that I have been racking my brains on about for a week. I send one last message apologizing for trying to talk things out and make it work, and basically say good luck and I wish her nothing but happiness in the future. I specifically say in the message I don't require a response, but alas she sends...
I'm sorry I couldn't tell you what you wanted to hear tonight. I forgive you. Of course I forgive you. You don't have to apologize for being yourself. I know I probably am coming across as heartless and not understanding. I want you to know how much I love you and how hard this has been on me, too. Please don't think it's easy for me. All I can do is wake up, cry my eyes out until I go to work, come home from work and then cry until I fall asleep. I don't want you to think that I don't want to come running back. I just think this is what's best right now.
If we are meant to be together, it will happen again for us one day. We will find each other again if we're supposed to. But right now, I need space. I can not figure out who I am and what I want if you're asking me to go running back to you.
I wish I could tell you what you need to hear and make all of your pain go away. It kills me to know that I am hurting you.
I love you.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO WITH THAT?! This girl is the sweetest more caring loveable girl in the world. I swear to God, she's like constantly sunshine and rays even at the darkest times and genuinely feels guilty with the most minor variation from the truth. SO, I know that message is as sincere as it gets.
What I don't get is why... Why say something like that and why confess your love again and again? Ugh it's torture.