We broke up but we want to be with each other....
December 29, 2009 10:37 PM Subscribe
How can we fix our communication problem so we can be happy again?
posted by xopaigexo to human relations (25 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
My boyfriend and i of 11 months broke up 3 nights ago. We had been recently not getting along at all- he suddenly didnt wanna talk as much, but never gave me a heads up and i never asked what was up, he only said we talk alot as is, so i got upset with him, and we became more distant because of that. (long story short) Things were fine before we got into that mess, and i realize now that all it was was bad communication.
When he broke up with me, we werent upset with each other. We had taken a few days to cool off beforehand. All he said was that he didnt want to go out any more, and that there wasnt a specific reason or thing i did wrong. I told him what i felt caused our not getting along and he listened to me. We ended on a neutral note, knowing we were still friends, and didnt talk the next day becuase he was with family. The morning after that, he asked how i was doing. We talked a little, and it was nice because it had been a while since we had a truly good conversation. He was beginning to soften up, which was a relief because he hadnt seemed like himself since before we started arguing about him not talking.
This morning, I brought some clothes he had left at my house over, plus the present i had gotten him for christmas before we had broken up. It wasn't a big present, so i didnt feel like an idiot giving it to him now that we were just friends. I could tell he felt guilty though. He thanked me alot, told me i didnt have to do that, and gave me a big hug.
Shortly after i got home, i told him there was more that i needed to say to him that i felt was important, but i was hesitant because i didnt know if it mattered anymore. He told me he still wanted to hear it and I just told him that i felt that if we couldve been more open with each other about what we wanted/ needed, then things wouldve been better. He told me that he was sorry but that he didnt know what he could do about the break up. We ended up talking for quite a while. He told me that maybe somthing good can come out of this for me, because i could probably do much better than him anyway. That upset me a bit, because he's never thought very high of himself, yet he is probably the best person i know because he truly means well and has never done wrong to anybody. He said this was hard for him breaking up, and i mean alot to him still. He said we can be friends but we still care for each other (like thats gonna be easy)
Then, tonight, he texted me just saying that hes sad. When i asked him why, he got hesitant but said he was sad about the breakup, and he had also talked to his friend about it. He said he wants to be with me, but when he is, he gets tired of it. I told him again that if we could just communicate better what we want/need, and possibly take time from each other sometimes just to be alone or spend time with friends, then maybe things could be ok. He said he didnt know, and mentioned again that i should try to see other people, because he knows i can do better than him. I told him that he is the best person i know, and that i dont wanna do that.
I just need help and advice because i keep telling him that hes a good person and he says he doesnt think so. I really dont know what to say to make him know that he really is. Ive known him long before we started dating even and hes always been a great (but lacking self-confidence) person. I dont want him telling me that hes sad about the breakup and wants to be with me, but then to tell me that i should see other people and that i can do better than him, because he sounds so...pitiful. I dont want to be without him, he means so much to me, but its not like i would just jump back into a relationship with him because i know that there are issues like communication and space that we need to resolve. What exactly should we do? We both want to be with each other, and he means so much to me. How do we fix this? :/