So, um, do you like....stuff?
October 25, 2011 1:27 PM Subscribe
What are some questions I can ask new dating partners to get to know them beyond a superficial level?
posted by oceanview to human relations (24 answers total) 53 users marked this as a favorite
I tend to be attracted to men who are emotionally unavailable, and I can fairly be described as the female version of that trait. If anything, it's the men who end up commenting that I don't share much about myself. I've described my dating life to a therapist who commented that the conversations are rather juvenile and superficial, i.e. they never really get deeper than "So what did you do today?"
I find that when I hang out with dating partners, I avoid activities that would involve much conversation after the first few dates because I simply don't know what to say (i.e. the relationship comes to revolve around sex and movies). Well, I suppose you could say that initial dates are allowed to be superficial because over-sharing is something to be careful of at this point. I'm great at "getting to know about your family and interests" sorts of conversation, but the more I hang out with a guy, the more stumped for conversation I become. I grew up in a family where we didn't share much about our inner lives and I think that's carried over to my relationships--that part of my brain hasn't really developed I guess, or at least is still struggling to figure out the social norms around this area.
I would like to start breaking this habit. One thing I realized is that I don't really know what kinds of questions to ask that would encourage deeper conversation.
Can you guys suggest questions or lines of conversation that could help steer a dating relationship in a more substantial direction? Things like, "Tell me something about you that I don't know yet." I feel like I need to keep a card in my back pocket so I know what to say on date 4 and beyond that would prevent the relationship from stagnating emotionally.
Thanks in advance :)