Feedback on dating profile
July 2, 2012 9:56 AM Subscribe
Please critique my OkCupid profile! (I know there's been a spate of these recently, but I'm back on the dating scene and Jessamyn says it's ok!)
I'd love any feedback y'all have re: the tone I establish, the actual content itself, and (gulp) the pictures I've posted. I hear that NYC is ostensibly great for single guys, but I've yet to experience that in the past doing this okcupid thing. What can I improve, profile-wise, to increase the number of dates I go on? I'm interested to hear what you think when you read through my page.
I'd love any feedback y'all have re: the tone I establish, the actual content itself, and (gulp) the pictures I've posted. I hear that NYC is ostensibly great for single guys, but I've yet to experience that in the past doing this okcupid thing. What can I improve, profile-wise, to increase the number of dates I go on? I'm interested to hear what you think when you read through my page.
Aww, it's adorable! I'd just remove "non-creepy" from your profile, because it's a bit...creepy to mention.
posted by xingcat at 10:05 AM on July 2, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by xingcat at 10:05 AM on July 2, 2012 [2 favorites]
Pictures - don't squint, nobody can see the color of your eyes. Actually, in the group photo, your eyes appear to be closed. Don't do that.
Profile text looks ok after a quick skim.
88%, B+
posted by oceanjesse at 10:06 AM on July 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
Profile text looks ok after a quick skim.
88%, B+
posted by oceanjesse at 10:06 AM on July 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
Honestly I prefer a nice wide spectrum of photos from studio portrait to grainy vacation photo, because you see someone from various angles under different circumstances and it contributes to a "rounded out" notion of what someone really looks like, even with their eyes squinted.
If all of someone's photos are extremely flattering and from the same-ish angle, I begin to wonder whether they'll actually live up to the pics in person.
posted by hermitosis at 10:11 AM on July 2, 2012 [7 favorites]
If all of someone's photos are extremely flattering and from the same-ish angle, I begin to wonder whether they'll actually live up to the pics in person.
posted by hermitosis at 10:11 AM on July 2, 2012 [7 favorites]
I like it. It's true that all the photos aren't quite as flattering as they could be but I like that. It looks like you're not vain.
I think you're going to have great luck.
posted by fingersandtoes at 10:12 AM on July 2, 2012
I think you're going to have great luck.
posted by fingersandtoes at 10:12 AM on July 2, 2012
I like it. What's your specific concern? Like the other NYC guy, I noted that I'm at 34 and 5 months I'm too old for you so that was the one thing that would have turned me off.
posted by sweetkid at 10:12 AM on July 2, 2012
posted by sweetkid at 10:12 AM on July 2, 2012
Your content is pretty good. The photos need some work. They look cheesy and posed. Natural-looking photos are much more attractive. And you want the main pic to be the most flattering -- yours looks like one that would be on a professional profile. You want ones that make you stick out from a crowd. Of what you have, I would recommend the one on the beach -- yeah, you can't see your face, but it's a bit mysterious.
posted by DoubleLune at 10:18 AM on July 2, 2012
posted by DoubleLune at 10:18 AM on July 2, 2012
Your "Message me if" sections needs a do-over. You should put something in there that helps a potential date message or reply to you. I'll often stare at someone's profile trying to think of some sort of lead in to message them, help a lady out!
I am very wary of people who have a list on their dating profile about what they want, especially when it's obvious things like "practices hygiene" or what have you. It makes me feel like a check mark on a shopping list. And are flaky people even aware they are flaky? You are also excluding anyone who is still working their way towards a fulfilling job, which is a very significant number of people.
Get some better in-focus photos, but keep that third one. It's great.
posted by Dynex at 10:19 AM on July 2, 2012 [3 favorites]
I am very wary of people who have a list on their dating profile about what they want, especially when it's obvious things like "practices hygiene" or what have you. It makes me feel like a check mark on a shopping list. And are flaky people even aware they are flaky? You are also excluding anyone who is still working their way towards a fulfilling job, which is a very significant number of people.
Get some better in-focus photos, but keep that third one. It's great.
posted by Dynex at 10:19 AM on July 2, 2012 [3 favorites]
If your pictures are accurate, your casual (non-suit) clothing is too nerdy for NYC. There is no need for a white t-shirt under a polo, ever. I promise. Take a better profile picture in light that doesn't make you look washed-out and browse some mens style blogs. You'll be fine.
posted by last night a dj saved my life at 10:21 AM on July 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by last night a dj saved my life at 10:21 AM on July 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
I think you should make the turkey one your profile photo.
posted by Think_Long at 10:22 AM on July 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Think_Long at 10:22 AM on July 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
I get caught up on photo's where someone's been cropped out. Who was that person? What was the occasion? Are they dead? Did they do some terrible wrong to end up excised? I am a kid of divorce so that might have something to do with it...
posted by merocet at 10:26 AM on July 2, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by merocet at 10:26 AM on July 2, 2012 [2 favorites]
I like your profile. I agree with xingcat's comment about removing 'non creepy', but I actually would suggest you go further. You shared all this interesting stuff about yourself, but your adjectives are 'nice, normal, not creepy'. It's a little overkill - I mean all the normal guys I know are nice. And the nice guys are not creepy. So you don't need to say all three.
Your great profile makes it clear that you're an interesting, thoughtful, fun and well rounded guy. I'm not saying you need to say all that, because well, that would be creepy. But what about toning down the nice, normal, not creepy part. What about something like, "If you're interested in meeting a regular guy for a drink, and pursing it if.....(and then what you said).
Caveats here: I'm a New Yorker, but it's been a while since I've lived there. In NY these days, you might really have to throw down the hat trick of clarifying your nice, normal AND non-creepiness to get a date. So I cede my west coast sensibilities to any local who tells you to ignore my advice.
posted by anitanita at 10:26 AM on July 2, 2012
Your great profile makes it clear that you're an interesting, thoughtful, fun and well rounded guy. I'm not saying you need to say all that, because well, that would be creepy. But what about toning down the nice, normal, not creepy part. What about something like, "If you're interested in meeting a regular guy for a drink, and pursing it if.....(and then what you said).
Caveats here: I'm a New Yorker, but it's been a while since I've lived there. In NY these days, you might really have to throw down the hat trick of clarifying your nice, normal AND non-creepiness to get a date. So I cede my west coast sensibilities to any local who tells you to ignore my advice.
posted by anitanita at 10:26 AM on July 2, 2012
Some flags that pop for me: "nice, normal, non-creepy dude" implies a little bit of Nice-Guy syndrome - like that you're bitter at the other guys, who are not-nice, not-normal, and creepy.
When you say "emotionally mature" and "not flaky" it's another warning sign that /screams/ that you've been burned before and may have some lingering bitterness. That whole section needs more work, honestly.
As far as photos, the one in the blue shirt looks very good, but it's boring. Your best photo is the one in the cooking apron. It's kind of roguish. I would make that your main profile pic.
Some things that might be hindering you are also your "More old fashioned, less experienced" tags - not that you can necessarily change those, but it might make you sound somewhat dull to a New Yorker. To make up for it, you should probably add a bit of pizzazz to your profile.
posted by corb at 10:32 AM on July 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
When you say "emotionally mature" and "not flaky" it's another warning sign that /screams/ that you've been burned before and may have some lingering bitterness. That whole section needs more work, honestly.
As far as photos, the one in the blue shirt looks very good, but it's boring. Your best photo is the one in the cooking apron. It's kind of roguish. I would make that your main profile pic.
Some things that might be hindering you are also your "More old fashioned, less experienced" tags - not that you can necessarily change those, but it might make you sound somewhat dull to a New Yorker. To make up for it, you should probably add a bit of pizzazz to your profile.
posted by corb at 10:32 AM on July 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
2nding corb -- that photo in the cooking apron is the best one! Use that as your main pic.
posted by jabes at 10:36 AM on July 2, 2012
posted by jabes at 10:36 AM on July 2, 2012
Another vote for changing your main picture to either the apron or turkey picture... men who cook are sexy, it's just a fact.
posted by constellations at 10:40 AM on July 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by constellations at 10:40 AM on July 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
Pictures:
Short term, change your main photo to the turkey picture. The cooking with spatulas is good but you're pulling a face, and I think that should be a 2nd pic to see not the first.
Medium term, you need a couple more well lit pictures. Right now it is obvious that you have a great smile and are a very active guy, but the pictures are not all that great. If possible, get a friend to take dozens of pictures of you being happy and smiling in a well-lit space then choose the one or two that look good to you. FWIW, my musician significant other typically weeds through HUNDREDS of photos when he is doing headshots (hundreds taken in a single sitting) and that is after the photographer deleted the ones in which he was blinking/picking his nose.
posted by arnicae at 10:43 AM on July 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
Short term, change your main photo to the turkey picture. The cooking with spatulas is good but you're pulling a face, and I think that should be a 2nd pic to see not the first.
Medium term, you need a couple more well lit pictures. Right now it is obvious that you have a great smile and are a very active guy, but the pictures are not all that great. If possible, get a friend to take dozens of pictures of you being happy and smiling in a well-lit space then choose the one or two that look good to you. FWIW, my musician significant other typically weeds through HUNDREDS of photos when he is doing headshots (hundreds taken in a single sitting) and that is after the photographer deleted the ones in which he was blinking/picking his nose.
posted by arnicae at 10:43 AM on July 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
Yes to the apron pic, as others have mentioned.
Aw, I would totally go on a date with you based on your profile if I lived in NYC and wasn't taken. The non-creepy guy part doesn't bother me, BUT I have an offbeat sense of humor and other women may vary - I'd err on the side of caution here and take it out.
Your profile is fun to read - I get a good sense of your personality.
Are you having specific problems with OKC? Not getting a lot of responses to messages? I'd perhaps expand your age range by a few years on each side.
posted by Gonestarfishing at 10:48 AM on July 2, 2012
Aw, I would totally go on a date with you based on your profile if I lived in NYC and wasn't taken. The non-creepy guy part doesn't bother me, BUT I have an offbeat sense of humor and other women may vary - I'd err on the side of caution here and take it out.
Your profile is fun to read - I get a good sense of your personality.
Are you having specific problems with OKC? Not getting a lot of responses to messages? I'd perhaps expand your age range by a few years on each side.
posted by Gonestarfishing at 10:48 AM on July 2, 2012
You seem like a really solid guy. I'd say the only thing missing from your profile is a hint of sex appeal. I'd hang out and play board games and order Thai with you as I would with a friend, but nothing here makes me contemplate hopping into bed with you. This is a safe, sanitized version of you (and perhaps that's best depending on the sort of person you want to attract!). But I would think about adding a few hints of who you are as a sensual person, instead of a buddy/friend.
posted by griselda at 10:50 AM on July 2, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by griselda at 10:50 AM on July 2, 2012 [3 favorites]
Name the European board games. Those could be actual conversation starters, but as it is, it comes off a little snooty.
Good at organizing what - any idiosyncratic examples?
Play up the BBQ road trip - says a lot about your likes, your sense of adventure, and your ability to make things happen.
Message me if… I'd rather see a positive statement about who you are, rather than a statement that you're not who I'm afraid you might be.
Photos: Your main pic's ok, but I like the one of you looking mischievous in the kitchen. The one at the beach is almost illegible, so I'd ditch it, though I prefer the setting of that to the group picture.
posted by cocoagirl at 10:52 AM on July 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
Good at organizing what - any idiosyncratic examples?
Play up the BBQ road trip - says a lot about your likes, your sense of adventure, and your ability to make things happen.
Message me if… I'd rather see a positive statement about who you are, rather than a statement that you're not who I'm afraid you might be.
Photos: Your main pic's ok, but I like the one of you looking mischievous in the kitchen. The one at the beach is almost illegible, so I'd ditch it, though I prefer the setting of that to the group picture.
posted by cocoagirl at 10:52 AM on July 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
Increase your age limit to 35. That doesn't mean you need to always date older, but in your case it would be particularly smart; you're "more organized", "less spontaneous", you're seeking a career-minded woman who has the partying out of her system, you've got the folksy Midwest charm going on and that will appeal more to a woman in her 30s who has tried the not-nice guys and isn't impressed by machismo anymore. Women in their mid 20s probably won't appreciate what you're offering the way a woman just a few years older would.
posted by slow graffiti at 10:55 AM on July 2, 2012
posted by slow graffiti at 10:55 AM on July 2, 2012
Your profile looks good to me, but maybe it's tougher in NYC than the midwest. I like your explanation of the iPhone answer (so many people put iPhone but your mention gives it a bit of individuality). Agreed on taking out the non-creepy bit at the end.
Who are those girls in your second picture? Friends, girlfriends, sisters? If you feel the need to include a picture like that at the very least put a caption on it. I'm okay with the beach picture even though you can't see your face because it shows you outside and gives someone something to ask about (a vacation, etc.). The turkey photo is your best and I don't like the suit and tie picture (you look a little drunk or too squinty or something). Good luck!
posted by Bunglegirl at 11:07 AM on July 2, 2012
Who are those girls in your second picture? Friends, girlfriends, sisters? If you feel the need to include a picture like that at the very least put a caption on it. I'm okay with the beach picture even though you can't see your face because it shows you outside and gives someone something to ask about (a vacation, etc.). The turkey photo is your best and I don't like the suit and tie picture (you look a little drunk or too squinty or something). Good luck!
posted by Bunglegirl at 11:07 AM on July 2, 2012
Based on profile text and match questions, I would totally date you, but your pics are letting you down. They're all over or underlit, which leaves you shiny-faced in the polo shirt and featureless at the beach.
Until you can get some better pics, I'd lead with the one of you looking proud of the roast turkey. It's a nice candid that showcases your smile.
OKtrends post on lighting and cameras.
posted by the latin mouse at 11:10 AM on July 2, 2012
Until you can get some better pics, I'd lead with the one of you looking proud of the roast turkey. It's a nice candid that showcases your smile.
OKtrends post on lighting and cameras.
posted by the latin mouse at 11:10 AM on July 2, 2012
"go blue" should be capitalized, there, pardner.
Also: do not use the words "amazing" or "awesome." Use a thesaurus; those two descriptors are beyond dead.
Otherwise, I think you're profile is just dandy.
posted by BostonTerrier at 11:21 AM on July 2, 2012
Also: do not use the words "amazing" or "awesome." Use a thesaurus; those two descriptors are beyond dead.
Otherwise, I think you're profile is just dandy.
posted by BostonTerrier at 11:21 AM on July 2, 2012
errr....that should be "your"
posted by BostonTerrier at 11:22 AM on July 2, 2012
posted by BostonTerrier at 11:22 AM on July 2, 2012
I like everything you've written except the first paragraph of your self-summary. I'm not in your target demographic so feel free to ignore this but - to me it's kind of boring - I'm not interested enough in whether Oklahoma is in the mid-West to get into a debate about it. And the "go blue!" coupled with the football stuff in the second paragraph indicates that you're going to want to talk about football a lot as well as discussing the geography of the mid-West.
The only reason I mention this is that the rest of your profile is just great. It's funny, it's engaging, and it makes you sound like an interesting, well-read, thoughtful guy. But that first paragraph doesn't seem to fit with the rest, and I'm afraid a non-midWestern non-football liking woman would read that, skip the rest and close the browser window. If you really want a woman who's into sports then that's fine, otherwise it would be a shame to maybe miss out.
posted by hazyjane at 11:25 AM on July 2, 2012
The only reason I mention this is that the rest of your profile is just great. It's funny, it's engaging, and it makes you sound like an interesting, well-read, thoughtful guy. But that first paragraph doesn't seem to fit with the rest, and I'm afraid a non-midWestern non-football liking woman would read that, skip the rest and close the browser window. If you really want a woman who's into sports then that's fine, otherwise it would be a shame to maybe miss out.
posted by hazyjane at 11:25 AM on July 2, 2012
The turkey pic does not do you justice as a profile pic. I would switch it. Any of your other photos are fine.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 11:53 AM on July 2, 2012
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 11:53 AM on July 2, 2012
Use the cooking pic as your main profile picture. Make sure you include at least part of your apron....in fact, play around with that picture. I'd attempt to get as much of that whole "left arm to picture edge" as possible, including the cooking implements on the counter in front and behind you.
It makes you look interesting, the facial expression is kind of quirkily cute when with the chef items but not on its own, and shows you have a life.
In fact, if you can find other flattering pictures of you enjoying your dynamic lifestyle, occasionally with one or two other friends, it'll look a lot better than shots of just you in bad lighting or just you in a crowd. Keep the focus on you mainly. Show that you're a multi-faceted person, that you have character and you're own already well maintained life.
posted by DisreputableDog at 12:08 PM on July 2, 2012
It makes you look interesting, the facial expression is kind of quirkily cute when with the chef items but not on its own, and shows you have a life.
In fact, if you can find other flattering pictures of you enjoying your dynamic lifestyle, occasionally with one or two other friends, it'll look a lot better than shots of just you in bad lighting or just you in a crowd. Keep the focus on you mainly. Show that you're a multi-faceted person, that you have character and you're own already well maintained life.
posted by DisreputableDog at 12:08 PM on July 2, 2012
*excuse me, your RIGHT arm. Not your left from my position.
posted by DisreputableDog at 12:09 PM on July 2, 2012
posted by DisreputableDog at 12:09 PM on July 2, 2012
That is a pretty fun profile!
Some tips. I want to imagine that you are looking at me, so your profile pic makes that harder, because you are looking down. But then I did see the whole photo and you are a badass turkey cooking man! That is awesome! But it's not a good photo. I'm conflicted! Keep doing awesome things and get better pictures! But then I get to this: I'd also like to begin learning how to cook. We'll see how that goes; I've got a fire extinguisher handy. I like the joke, and then I wonder if you actually cooked that turkey or you just posed with it. Hmmmmm. But then my brain catches up and I remember that profiles are always a work in progress! I'm officially out of exclamation marks.
"Nice, normal dude for a drink" is not what I am looking for. I'm looking for someone who can be descriptive about what makes him Nice, but I also want an indication (showing, not telling) that you take relationships to be a joyful and fun and mutual thing. And normal is such a subjective and empty word that it makes me...anxious. Meeting up for a drink is too much like meeting for coffee (for me). There's no activity and that was always a big deal for me in first dates. I need something reasonable to do with my hands, something naturalish to talk about. Coffee lends itself to discussing the weather, our childhoods (mine was miserable, but thanks), our previous break ups, relationship expectations, how I'm (different looking) than in my pictures, and it feels like an interview. Which, I get. But, I don't spend my relationships interviewing my partner. I spend my relationship doing stuff with him. We go for walks, we cook, we eat dinner every night by candle light (that was a good start, insisting that we use his table when I first ate dinner at his place), we solve problems and laugh and choose activities.
the Latin American food carts in Red Hook. Are they really Latin American, or are they Colombian and Ecuadorian? Or something else?
I order Thai food delivery far more often than any reasonable person should. I want to know what dish, and which delivery place is so good they warrant TELL ME HOW MANY I AM CURIOUS! ordering, what, 5 nights a week?
wicked smart, emotionally mature, kind to strangers, not flaky, and passionate about your job and your hobbies. eh. Smart was also a big deal breaker for me, but if you look at the dunning krueger effect, most people think they're at least above average, so this is a poor screening device and just makes folks look...snobby. Emotionally mature, same thing. Many people don't have the introspection to realize that they are brats sometimes. You can screen for flaky by paying attention to timeliness and whether they admit to blowing off work meet you or do something else. Think about what kind of passion you want a date to have about her hobbies! Because you might be attracting workaholics with this request, and putting off ladies who enjoy their jobs but don't want to spend every waking moment working on spreadsheets.
Yes. I am a detail noticing Virgo. How did you guess?
posted by bilabial at 12:15 PM on July 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
Some tips. I want to imagine that you are looking at me, so your profile pic makes that harder, because you are looking down. But then I did see the whole photo and you are a badass turkey cooking man! That is awesome! But it's not a good photo. I'm conflicted! Keep doing awesome things and get better pictures! But then I get to this: I'd also like to begin learning how to cook. We'll see how that goes; I've got a fire extinguisher handy. I like the joke, and then I wonder if you actually cooked that turkey or you just posed with it. Hmmmmm. But then my brain catches up and I remember that profiles are always a work in progress! I'm officially out of exclamation marks.
"Nice, normal dude for a drink" is not what I am looking for. I'm looking for someone who can be descriptive about what makes him Nice, but I also want an indication (showing, not telling) that you take relationships to be a joyful and fun and mutual thing. And normal is such a subjective and empty word that it makes me...anxious. Meeting up for a drink is too much like meeting for coffee (for me). There's no activity and that was always a big deal for me in first dates. I need something reasonable to do with my hands, something naturalish to talk about. Coffee lends itself to discussing the weather, our childhoods (mine was miserable, but thanks), our previous break ups, relationship expectations, how I'm (different looking) than in my pictures, and it feels like an interview. Which, I get. But, I don't spend my relationships interviewing my partner. I spend my relationship doing stuff with him. We go for walks, we cook, we eat dinner every night by candle light (that was a good start, insisting that we use his table when I first ate dinner at his place), we solve problems and laugh and choose activities.
the Latin American food carts in Red Hook. Are they really Latin American, or are they Colombian and Ecuadorian? Or something else?
I order Thai food delivery far more often than any reasonable person should. I want to know what dish, and which delivery place is so good they warrant TELL ME HOW MANY I AM CURIOUS! ordering, what, 5 nights a week?
wicked smart, emotionally mature, kind to strangers, not flaky, and passionate about your job and your hobbies. eh. Smart was also a big deal breaker for me, but if you look at the dunning krueger effect, most people think they're at least above average, so this is a poor screening device and just makes folks look...snobby. Emotionally mature, same thing. Many people don't have the introspection to realize that they are brats sometimes. You can screen for flaky by paying attention to timeliness and whether they admit to blowing off work meet you or do something else. Think about what kind of passion you want a date to have about her hobbies! Because you might be attracting workaholics with this request, and putting off ladies who enjoy their jobs but don't want to spend every waking moment working on spreadsheets.
Yes. I am a detail noticing Virgo. How did you guess?
posted by bilabial at 12:15 PM on July 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
- Please don't describe yourself as "normal," "not flaky," or "non-creepy"... only flaky, abnormal, creepy people do that.
- Can you rearrange your photos? I like the cooking photo and the turkey photo and think you should keep both, but having them back to back makes seems a little much in my opinion.
- The cooking photo is a great profile photo. It's fun, casual, and shows you actually doing something. You're not locked forever in the Sears Portrait Studio!
- Also, asking that someone be "not flaky" is useless... flaky people don't think they're flaky. That's for you to find out and decide.
posted by aristan at 12:32 PM on July 2, 2012
- Can you rearrange your photos? I like the cooking photo and the turkey photo and think you should keep both, but having them back to back makes seems a little much in my opinion.
- The cooking photo is a great profile photo. It's fun, casual, and shows you actually doing something. You're not locked forever in the Sears Portrait Studio!
- Also, asking that someone be "not flaky" is useless... flaky people don't think they're flaky. That's for you to find out and decide.
posted by aristan at 12:32 PM on July 2, 2012
I think the tone is great. I'll echo other people's comments about the pictures and not describing yourself as non-creepy/nice/non-flaky, etc. With pictures, I think one that's well-lit, crisp, and where you're looking at the camera would be a good addition. Some of your pics look kind of fuzzy to me, and some look like the flash is making you look a bit washed-out (which is different from pale. Some people are pale. No biggie, at least in my view.) I agree with others that not every picture needs to be or should be great, but one with those factors might be good.
posted by needs more cowbell at 12:59 PM on July 2, 2012
posted by needs more cowbell at 12:59 PM on July 2, 2012
I just popped in to say you're perfect. At least your profile is. If I were single and in your age range and on OKCUPID (that's a lot of ifs) I'd reply to you so fast it isn't even funny. You had me at loves law/cooking/smart girls/that adorable smile.
posted by TestamentToGrace at 1:13 PM on July 2, 2012
posted by TestamentToGrace at 1:13 PM on July 2, 2012
General advice:
What kind of European board games? I have no idea what this means and I like board games, too. How about mentioning your favorite one?
Why are you passionate about law school administration? At present (not to be unkind) this reads as "I couldn't hack it at a big firm/didn't like the gigantic hours so I'm going with a job that is more low-key/with a better work/life balance". That is totally fine, but just say that.
Take pictures of you and Minnie (or at least upload them). If you can get an awesome pic of you with your cat, I would suggest uploading it as your main picture, this instantly makes you different than 99% of guys out there and would totally pique my interest (FWIW 31, female, hetero, with graduate degree and similar interests).
Axe the comment about a crazy cat lady unless you secretly despise people who have cats. A) You're not a lady, unless I've gravely mistaken something B) There is something that is pretty dismissive and critical about calling people crazy cat ladies which kind of makes it sound like you're not all that into the cat that has been your constant companion since 7th grade (which is highly awesome by the way).
Also extremely rare - though your age bracket you're interested isn't symmetrical, it actually has a slight older bias rather than a younger bias! I always found it off-putting when 27 y/o guys would say they were interested in 21-29 y/o women, so just wanted to mention I think that is cool.
posted by arnicae at 1:13 PM on July 2, 2012
What kind of European board games? I have no idea what this means and I like board games, too. How about mentioning your favorite one?
Why are you passionate about law school administration? At present (not to be unkind) this reads as "I couldn't hack it at a big firm/didn't like the gigantic hours so I'm going with a job that is more low-key/with a better work/life balance". That is totally fine, but just say that.
Take pictures of you and Minnie (or at least upload them). If you can get an awesome pic of you with your cat, I would suggest uploading it as your main picture, this instantly makes you different than 99% of guys out there and would totally pique my interest (FWIW 31, female, hetero, with graduate degree and similar interests).
Axe the comment about a crazy cat lady unless you secretly despise people who have cats. A) You're not a lady, unless I've gravely mistaken something B) There is something that is pretty dismissive and critical about calling people crazy cat ladies which kind of makes it sound like you're not all that into the cat that has been your constant companion since 7th grade (which is highly awesome by the way).
Also extremely rare - though your age bracket you're interested isn't symmetrical, it actually has a slight older bias rather than a younger bias! I always found it off-putting when 27 y/o guys would say they were interested in 21-29 y/o women, so just wanted to mention I think that is cool.
posted by arnicae at 1:13 PM on July 2, 2012
This is a fantastic profile! It almost made me instinctively try to send a message despite the fact that I haven't been on OkC for nearly two years and don't live in New York.
I think small tweaks are all you need, rather than drastic changes. Maybe a couple more action shots to show your other interests (the cooking ones are great) and getting really specific in the "contact me if" section. There's literally no point listing the type of woman you want in such generic terms because they don't provide a useful metric for people to self-filter. Plus, you're more likely to be sending rather than receiving messages so you may as well just do your own screening.
Non-gamers don't know that Euro games are a thing so you may as well include your favourite titles or designers to catch eyes in the small sub-section of ladies in the know.
posted by Pomo at 1:29 PM on July 2, 2012
I think small tweaks are all you need, rather than drastic changes. Maybe a couple more action shots to show your other interests (the cooking ones are great) and getting really specific in the "contact me if" section. There's literally no point listing the type of woman you want in such generic terms because they don't provide a useful metric for people to self-filter. Plus, you're more likely to be sending rather than receiving messages so you may as well just do your own screening.
Non-gamers don't know that Euro games are a thing so you may as well include your favourite titles or designers to catch eyes in the small sub-section of ladies in the know.
posted by Pomo at 1:29 PM on July 2, 2012
Yep, good profile on the whole, but another for ditching the 'wicked smart' preference. I mean... Wicked smart? I don't think it's helpful for reasons others have stated and to me it just sounds a mite....self-congratulatory. I think smart people will select for reasons other than your request for them. On the whole you sound great! But that just put me off a bit.
posted by jojobobo at 2:38 PM on July 2, 2012
posted by jojobobo at 2:38 PM on July 2, 2012
I think it looks okay.
I might move the blue-shirt photo as your primary photo - it "pops" the most. I think your age range is just fine.
personally I thought, "if I were in the area, I'd look him up!" but then I saw your high marks on "old-fashioned" and low marks on "independent". I know I can't speak for all women, but I don't any who are "wicked smart" and also into very traditional relationships and dependent men. (Not judging women's choice, just saying my personal experiences!) The few women I know that are into "traditional" relationships do not have much education and are not that great at logic (and I know guys like that, too....not a woman thing). These women have fantastic other qualities, btw. The "wicked smart" ones, though, don't think twice about not changing their names, going back to work after birth, etc. They would also not put up with doing someone else's laundry, dishes, etc. due to the guys "inability"/dependence.
Now these things might not be you at ALL - I have no idea how those characteristics were gotten to, and maybe it just refers to monetary values or whatever, but again, you might be turning off the "wicked smart" women with those and intimidating the more traditional but less "wicked smart" women but looking for someone that's wicked smart.
....if you can't hide those qualities/data points, maybe elaborate more on your first page?
posted by Lt. Bunny Wigglesworth at 3:06 PM on July 2, 2012
I might move the blue-shirt photo as your primary photo - it "pops" the most. I think your age range is just fine.
personally I thought, "if I were in the area, I'd look him up!" but then I saw your high marks on "old-fashioned" and low marks on "independent". I know I can't speak for all women, but I don't any who are "wicked smart" and also into very traditional relationships and dependent men. (Not judging women's choice, just saying my personal experiences!) The few women I know that are into "traditional" relationships do not have much education and are not that great at logic (and I know guys like that, too....not a woman thing). These women have fantastic other qualities, btw. The "wicked smart" ones, though, don't think twice about not changing their names, going back to work after birth, etc. They would also not put up with doing someone else's laundry, dishes, etc. due to the guys "inability"/dependence.
Now these things might not be you at ALL - I have no idea how those characteristics were gotten to, and maybe it just refers to monetary values or whatever, but again, you might be turning off the "wicked smart" women with those and intimidating the more traditional but less "wicked smart" women but looking for someone that's wicked smart.
....if you can't hide those qualities/data points, maybe elaborate more on your first page?
posted by Lt. Bunny Wigglesworth at 3:06 PM on July 2, 2012
To counter bunny i know a lot of smart high earning christian women who appreciate traditional gender roles and alpha males.
posted by TestamentToGrace at 3:39 PM on July 2, 2012
posted by TestamentToGrace at 3:39 PM on July 2, 2012
- Please don't describe yourself as "normal," "not flaky," or "non-creepy"... only flaky, abnormal, creepy people do that.
This. I'm 28 and got a message from someone last week that started with "harmless 38 year old male..." and it wouldn't immediately occur to me that he anything other than harmless until he felt the need to put it out there. It just sets off alarms.
Just don't put the idea of you being a creep into a person's mind at all and I think you'll be fine. Otherwise you sound great.
posted by fromageball at 5:26 PM on July 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
This. I'm 28 and got a message from someone last week that started with "harmless 38 year old male..." and it wouldn't immediately occur to me that he anything other than harmless until he felt the need to put it out there. It just sets off alarms.
Just don't put the idea of you being a creep into a person's mind at all and I think you'll be fine. Otherwise you sound great.
posted by fromageball at 5:26 PM on July 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
I guess you're not looking to date vegetarians, but all I took away from your photos was ew turkey carcass.
posted by désoeuvrée at 5:46 PM on July 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by désoeuvrée at 5:46 PM on July 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
I'm laughing at désoeuvrée's comment, because I *am* a vegetarian and all I thought was, "Oooh, man with cooking skills. Yay!"
I'm with everyone else on the photo elements -- you've got nice features, but the photo choices don't do you justice. And yeah, get rid of "non-creepy" -- but I like the description of what kind of woman you're seeking (smart, non-flaky) and if I were young enough and geographically-appropriate and on OKC, I'd be racing TestamentToGrace to meet you. ;-) (Although I'd expect a guy who says "wicked smart" to be from Boston, I vastly prefer a guy who says he's looking for a smart woman. It makes clear that you value intellect, and I doubt there are many well-educated grown-up women out there who thinks a guy seeking a smart gal is "snobby"!)
Oh, and the advice about dressing for NYC? Don't feel like you have to chuck that white T under your polo unless you want to. I like a well-dressed man as much as the next girl, but a smart guy who spends his money on securing his future instead of showing off his wardrobe would be a plus in my book. (But again, I'm not that young, nor in NYC...) Good luck!
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 6:08 PM on July 2, 2012
I'm with everyone else on the photo elements -- you've got nice features, but the photo choices don't do you justice. And yeah, get rid of "non-creepy" -- but I like the description of what kind of woman you're seeking (smart, non-flaky) and if I were young enough and geographically-appropriate and on OKC, I'd be racing TestamentToGrace to meet you. ;-) (Although I'd expect a guy who says "wicked smart" to be from Boston, I vastly prefer a guy who says he's looking for a smart woman. It makes clear that you value intellect, and I doubt there are many well-educated grown-up women out there who thinks a guy seeking a smart gal is "snobby"!)
Oh, and the advice about dressing for NYC? Don't feel like you have to chuck that white T under your polo unless you want to. I like a well-dressed man as much as the next girl, but a smart guy who spends his money on securing his future instead of showing off his wardrobe would be a plus in my book. (But again, I'm not that young, nor in NYC...) Good luck!
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 6:08 PM on July 2, 2012
Here comes an unpopular comment: you reply 'very selectively'? And you're complaining that you're not getting dates off okcupid? "Very selectively" is actually remarkably rare for men on the Cupes. Could it be you're barely responding to anyone and only messaging the most attractive women who are bombarded by everybody? The vast majority of good looking, successful guys I've met off that site reply 'frequently.' I'm wondering if you're waiting for Angelina Jolie to message you, or what.
posted by namesarehard at 6:09 PM on July 2, 2012
posted by namesarehard at 6:09 PM on July 2, 2012
I like your profile, I like your pictures. I probably would not message a guy who replies "very selectively" because I'd be sure I wouldn't live up to his standards. Is that something you can change yourself or is it automatically generated based on how many people you reply to?
posted by triggerfinger at 7:41 PM on July 2, 2012
posted by triggerfinger at 7:41 PM on July 2, 2012
i think the "very selectively" thing is triggered by the actual number of times you've answered/not answered messages. maybe you should at least give a polite brushoff to people who write you that you aren't interested in, or decided to stop responding to? that said, you're probably going to be messaging women first more often than the other way around, so it may not matter much. still, can't hurt to be polite!
57thing on dropping "non-creepy". and list lots of specifics, it gives people something to bring up during conversations. what board games? if someone you're talking to knows one (or has never heard of any of them) it gives them something to talk/ask about. anything to make the conversation flow easily helps!
also i'm surprised no one's mentioned the okcupid blog yet - it gives very good advice for helping people brush up on their profiles and so on. also, there's their "which is my best photograph" thing which is about as blunt (as well as statistically verifiable) as it gets.
that said, i'm a guy so i couldn't really say for sure, but i think your profile looks fine as is - while it's not so immediately fascinating that loads of girls are going to hit you up out of sheer immediate interest (or then again maybe they will, seeing as you rate "responds selectively", which seems kinda rare? what guy gets so many unsolicited messages on okcupid he can't be bothered to answer them all?!? is that an nyc thing?) it will probably appeal to lots of ladies who are on the same page as you, at least if you message the right ones. which is what you want!
posted by messiahwannabe at 9:43 PM on July 2, 2012
57thing on dropping "non-creepy". and list lots of specifics, it gives people something to bring up during conversations. what board games? if someone you're talking to knows one (or has never heard of any of them) it gives them something to talk/ask about. anything to make the conversation flow easily helps!
also i'm surprised no one's mentioned the okcupid blog yet - it gives very good advice for helping people brush up on their profiles and so on. also, there's their "which is my best photograph" thing which is about as blunt (as well as statistically verifiable) as it gets.
that said, i'm a guy so i couldn't really say for sure, but i think your profile looks fine as is - while it's not so immediately fascinating that loads of girls are going to hit you up out of sheer immediate interest (or then again maybe they will, seeing as you rate "responds selectively", which seems kinda rare? what guy gets so many unsolicited messages on okcupid he can't be bothered to answer them all?!? is that an nyc thing?) it will probably appeal to lots of ladies who are on the same page as you, at least if you message the right ones. which is what you want!
posted by messiahwannabe at 9:43 PM on July 2, 2012
Pic of you in the apron reminds me of this guy*. Not because you look like anything like that guy, but because of the way you're holding your chin and raising your eyebrow. People in the US won't know who this guy is, but creepy is universal.
The third confirms you really, really shouldn't look down in front of a camera. (Me neither!)
The middle photo is best - not just comparatively, you look great. You could pass for a rugby player in that pic. (I am assured rugby player is a good thing.)
*Thank you, malibustacey9999, for scraping away the scar tissue from my mind. I tried really, really hard to forget, but apparently not hard enough.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 2:37 AM on July 3, 2012
The third confirms you really, really shouldn't look down in front of a camera. (Me neither!)
The middle photo is best - not just comparatively, you look great. You could pass for a rugby player in that pic. (I am assured rugby player is a good thing.)
*Thank you, malibustacey9999, for scraping away the scar tissue from my mind. I tried really, really hard to forget, but apparently not hard enough.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 2:37 AM on July 3, 2012
I love your profile. My edits:
I would delete this: "It would also be great if you're: wicked smart, emotionally mature, kind to strangers, and passionate about your job and your hobbies."
It's snobby and cliche' and, as others have said, completely ineffective. What goes right before it is simple and sounds like "you".
Lose the "not a crazy cat lady" sentence. It negates what you're saying about your relationship with your cat and, more important, it's a hackneyed phrase.
Pictures: the last one adds nothing. (my response to it was "ok ok we got it already, a nice guy with a face"). Agree with somebody up there about losing the white undershirt under colored tee shirt. You look really good in the group shot. Lose the picture with the mystery hand around you. The food in the pictures is good - if somebody is responding "ew, turkey carcass," that's not who you're looking for, so it's an effective screening device.
But, in sum, it's a great profile.
posted by DMelanogaster at 6:58 AM on July 3, 2012
I would delete this: "It would also be great if you're: wicked smart, emotionally mature, kind to strangers, and passionate about your job and your hobbies."
It's snobby and cliche' and, as others have said, completely ineffective. What goes right before it is simple and sounds like "you".
Lose the "not a crazy cat lady" sentence. It negates what you're saying about your relationship with your cat and, more important, it's a hackneyed phrase.
Pictures: the last one adds nothing. (my response to it was "ok ok we got it already, a nice guy with a face"). Agree with somebody up there about losing the white undershirt under colored tee shirt. You look really good in the group shot. Lose the picture with the mystery hand around you. The food in the pictures is good - if somebody is responding "ew, turkey carcass," that's not who you're looking for, so it's an effective screening device.
But, in sum, it's a great profile.
posted by DMelanogaster at 6:58 AM on July 3, 2012
Flipping the paragraph sequence of your first two sections would emphasize your current passions, rather than where you've been.
Changing the sentence structure of your "what you're doing with your life" section would also help a lot. You photos suggest you _are_ learning how to cook, not hoping to begin to learn.
I'd also like to know more about what you like about being in Admin... Even a little hook would help.
I was a little surprised that you value smart, since it only comes up in the last section.
posted by Heart_on_Sleeve at 7:18 AM on July 3, 2012
Changing the sentence structure of your "what you're doing with your life" section would also help a lot. You photos suggest you _are_ learning how to cook, not hoping to begin to learn.
I'd also like to know more about what you like about being in Admin... Even a little hook would help.
I was a little surprised that you value smart, since it only comes up in the last section.
posted by Heart_on_Sleeve at 7:18 AM on July 3, 2012
Prefer a friendlier profile photo please.
Your profile photo looks like a distant relative who looks cynically at me habitually. This look was followed by a lecherous glide downwards.
Sorry, I know your look is meant to be cheeky. Just saying it may also be interpreted other ways.
posted by oink at 12:09 PM on July 3, 2012
Your profile photo looks like a distant relative who looks cynically at me habitually. This look was followed by a lecherous glide downwards.
Sorry, I know your look is meant to be cheeky. Just saying it may also be interpreted other ways.
posted by oink at 12:09 PM on July 3, 2012
I'm in your target demographic. I like your profile and your main photo.
If I were to change two things:
1. Be more specific/descriptive. Especially with the things you can't live without, they're pretty generic.
2. I spend a lot of time thinking about / Am I doing the right thing?
This answers reads like you are not confident or question your actions often. Get rid of it or change it to something (more descriptive) like "Am I doing the right thing... with these Settlers of Catan?"
posted by theflash at 7:06 PM on July 5, 2012
If I were to change two things:
1. Be more specific/descriptive. Especially with the things you can't live without, they're pretty generic.
2. I spend a lot of time thinking about / Am I doing the right thing?
This answers reads like you are not confident or question your actions often. Get rid of it or change it to something (more descriptive) like "Am I doing the right thing... with these Settlers of Catan?"
posted by theflash at 7:06 PM on July 5, 2012
Response by poster: Coming in way after the fact to say thanks for everybody's help and to note that I've removed the link to my profile.
posted by soonertbone at 3:51 PM on May 20, 2013
posted by soonertbone at 3:51 PM on May 20, 2013
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posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:02 AM on July 2, 2012