How do I do not worry so much about getting back into online dating?
May 25, 2012 3:46 PM Subscribe
Advice needed to transition back into casual and not-so casual online dating after a long time.
posted by anonymous to human relations (8 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
i'm straight, female, late 20s, live in a major city in CA. I've done the OKCupid thing a few years ago, and I got burnt out from the online dating scene. After that I dedicated myself instead to my job and hobbies, and I abstained from sex for over three years (not out of frustration, but just to focus on my own things).
A few months ago I decided to put more time to myself than spending so much time absorbed into community volunteering and other activities I felt obligated to do. I quit or am putting a few activities on major hold, and basically left with just my full time job and a lot of time to finally do my own things and spend more time with friends. I also realized that sex was important to me (especially as I am sex positive), so one night I cruised Craigslist casual encounters and by the next day I slept with a very nice guy and felt refreshed and amazing after having good sex after a period of abstinence. It was only a "two night stand" and I'd rather seek out another person for casual sexytimes.
Cutting away most of my volunteered obligations, getting laid, and spending more time on myself has re-energized me. Friends have noticed that I'm way happier and relaxed. While not skinny, I have an attractive body type and I get compliments when I am dressed well and look cute with or without makeup. I used to have self-esteem issues despite my qualities, but friends and acquaintances say I have an above average level of outward confidence. I started to eat better, exercise, and overall I feel at my best. I think it's time to start dating with all this free time and confidence!
However... I'm also seeking casual sex as well as regular dating. And am nervous about getting back into the online dating waters. I created a new OKCupid profile that is a little ambiguous with a picture that looks like me if I told you it was me, but potentially could look like someone else. I described myself decently without putting any dead giveaways (like not listing all of my typical hobbies, tastes or industry). However, I put that I was seeking basically anything/everything: long term dating, short term dating, friends, casual sex. I am honestly open to any of those at the moment.
I'm kind of freaked out as I already noticed a few guys that I know that have checked out my profile. To most people I seem rather conservative in dating despite being an adventurous person. Close friends know otherwise, but I think most people that don't know me that well would be shocked that I would be interested in casual relationships. Does listing that you want "everything" drive away guys? I don't want to be seen as I'm only looking for casual sex from guys that want to date, and I don't want to remove my chances from a hot fling from guys that aren't committed.
Also, should I just "come out" and just go full monty and put clear pictures of myself? I think what's held me back from good dates on OKC before was that I think I'm rather bad at making my own profile and choosing pictures. I don't want to be paranoid and best open my chances for all sorts of dating, and I am a bit nervous since I haven't done it in such a long time.
How do I get over this? I also set up an email if any MeFites are willing to help spruce up my profile: firstname.lastname@example.org.