"Just tell him how you feel" - really?!
May 8, 2012 5:23 PM Subscribe
You're supposed to bite the bullet and tell someone how you feel -- because life is about risk and vulnerability and Going For It, I get that. But I also can't shake the feeling that by the time it gets to that point, it's already too late. Disabuse me of this notion (or not)?
posted by anonymous to human relations (27 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
I tend to think of myself as pretty tuned in to flirting, non-verbal cues, etc. There's a person I like, and my sense is that he doesn't like me back In That Way... but I can't quite give up hope. We've known each other as acquaintances for a few months, but it's only in the past couple weeks that we've been hanging out regularly -- 4 or 5 days a week, say. Half that time is spent in the company of mutual friends, and half one-on-one... but the one-on-one time is us working on a project we're doing together. I've tried sending signals both subtle and less-so, but while he clearly enjoys my company and we get along great, there's never any signal of interest on his part. Which itself is a signal, right?
I'd just try to repress my crush in deference to our budding friendship, but I still have some nagging hope I can't quite get rid of. I've been told he is notoriously dense about realizing when girls are interested in him. Sometimes he touches my arm when he totally doesn't need to. But I'm also always the one initiating contact. I figured I'd take some classic MeFi advice and ask him for drinks -- but although we closed the bar down and had a great time discussing all sorts of things, at the end of the night he just said, "Bye, see you tomorrow."
The man must know I like him. I invited him for drinks! I asked him to hang out and watch a movie at my house once (he declined, said he had to get up early the next morning)! I smile at him! And he consistently responds the way you would to a new friend: eager to hang out, no intimations of afterhours interest. He is, I assume, politely trying to dictate the boundaries of our relationship.
My devil-on-my-shoulder friend thinks I should say something -- thinks that our obvious enjoyment of each other's company plus his rumored obliviousness means it's worth a shot. She says that I made a mistake in using our mutual project as a pretext for drinks, instead of just asking him -- maybe he just thought it was strictly business; I'm worried that the whole situation is starting to sound like a sad chapter out of He's Just Not That Into You. Would it really be possible to not notice what's going on? (We're in our thirties!) How obvious does a person have to be before rejection actually counts as rejection? Does an overt confession ever change the game, or does it just mean even more awkwardness?