This or That?
March 27, 2012 12:51 PM Subscribe
How does one "choose" between the hypothetical wishes of a long time friend and the feelings of a fiancee?
posted by Debaser626 to human relations (34 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I have a wedding coming up on the 6th of May.
Point 1: I have asked a long time friend who I have known for about 17 years to be my best man, and he has replied he would accept. When I talked to him about my engagement, he expressed an interest in being my best man, which is why I specifically asked him. Honestly though, we haven't been that close over the last 5 years or so, but we do have a crap load of history, and we always said we'd be each other's best man at our weddings.
Point 2: I relocated to FL about 4 years ago because my then long term (3.5 year relationship) girlfriend put me in treatment for substance abuse. We broke up about 9 months after I moved down here, so about 2009, give or take.
Point 3: My long time friend decided to tell me two weeks ago that he has been dating the above mentioned girl for quite some time, and is in fact going to ask her father for her hand in marriage. This doesn't really bother me, as it: A)is not the first time this has happened with him and I didn't care last time. B)it's been 3 years. C)I broke up with her. It is kind of weird and uncomfortable in a "kissing cousins" sense for me, but I'm not jealous or regretting anything at all.
Point 4: My fiancee does not want her at the wedding, and I agree that it might be a little awkward, so the ex g/f will accompany my friend to FL, but she will not attend the wedding or reception.
Point 6: Although I have not discussed this with him yet, there is the very real possibility of him asking me to be his best man at his wedding (which my fiancee brought up earlier)
Point 7 (and the question): My fiancee is upset and disappointed because she asked me if my long time friend asks me to be his best man, and that if she really doesn't want to go and/or they don't invite her to their wedding, if I would still go. My response was: "I'm not sure, but I might... I mean, he's my best man for my wedding, and I would want to be there for him if he asks me to go. Furthermore, we're talking about hypotheticals here, and I'd prefer to discuss this if and when it becomes reality than waste time getting angry over something that doesn't even exist yet."
The question is: Am I wrong? I feel bad that she's upset, and part of me wants to tell her to "suck it up" but, I certainly don't want to start off a marriage on bad terms. Is she being over sensitive, or am I being a non-understanding twit? I don't know... please anyone with experience regarding this a slightly similar situation share with me your advice! Thanks!