Liked it, put a ring on it, getting grief about it.
April 18, 2012 8:38 AM Subscribe
Previously a marriage skeptic, now engaged- my BFF is not taking it well and I have no idea how to talk to her about it.
posted by shes_ajar to human relations (76 answers total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
I got engaged last week (yay!) to my boyfriend of 4 years. For much of my life I did not think I would ever get married- not because I wouldn't find a person, but because of Society and Feminism and "It's just a piece of paper" etc. He was also on the same page for much of our relationship. In the last six months or so, we've both changed our minds. We have a great relationship, tons of things in common, he makes me laugh, is so wonderful, all that stuff. We made calls and announcements to friends and family who were very excited for us.
Except my best friend- she lives across the country and when I told her via phone I could instantly tell she was Not Happy About It. I wasn't going to push for her to coo and giggle over ring pics or make her uncomfortable, so we ended the conversation on a pretty normal note. I understand that not everyone loves weddings/engagements/etc, and I chalked it up to her just being surprised or not knowing what to say. The general consensus from past AskMe's (and common sense, I would venture to say) is that if someone does not approve of a wedding/engagement and no one is being abused or otherwise mistreated, you say congrats and let things play out.
Late last night, I get a very lengthy email about how she was angry, upset, and spent much of the day crying about my engagement. She said that she thinks my now fiance is a swell guy and we are perfect together, but that she is upset that I am getting married at all. We became friends when we were 19 and are 26 now. She said that she thought I was once "an innovative thinker" and now I am "just a sheep." I don't feel I was ever very pushy with my previous thoughts on marriage (I have participated in and supported many friends' weddings), just that I didn't think it was for me at that time.
I am very hurt by all of this- I am not a very impulsive person with major life things, so there is no question that this marriage is what I want to do. I don't feel the need to justify that to her, but I have no idea how to navigate how upset she is by all of this (the phrase "I've lost faith in humanity" was used. Really). Did I mention that at the end she said "And I better be your maid of honor?" HELP.