How to support my partner in a time of fear?
March 27, 2012 12:37 PM Subscribe
[family support question] my partner's mom is sick. multiple autoimmune conditions, potentially cancer now. how can i best support my partner (on multiple levels)?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (6 answers total)
my partner's mom has multiple things going on. at least 3 autoimmune disorders and now potentially cancer or another serious condition. my sweetie has chronic fatigue syndrome (thankfully in remission currently) but all of this has made her afraid:
(a) just for her mom's health;
(b) afraid of what may be coming down the line for her as she ages;
(c) afraid of having kids genetically related to her - she does not want to "give them" (her words) all of these potential conditions; and
(d) afraid that she'll be a mom who is sick with her kids and a partner who is sick with me.
i want to be as supportive as possible right now. i am validating that it is scary for her mom to be sick and that it is must feel scary that she is afraid that she may potentially get any one of these conditions as she ages (those are her fears). i am validating that i am by her side and ready to take on what life brings us as a team and individuals. i am totally at a loss for words when it comes to our potential kids. (we cannot have kids with our combined genes because we have similar body parts - she has always wanted to be pregnant and have a child with me through that process). i don't know what to say about it. my instinct is to talk science, facts about genetic conditions, etc. but i do not think that is helpful right now. i am not trying to "make it better" because i may not be able to.
she is not a person soothed by facts generally - at least not at first. i am a person who loves reading and knowing as much as possible - even if it is a false sense of security or "control" that comes from it.
clear questions: suggestions/recommendations/stories about how best to support my sweetie? what to say? do? book or resource recommendations for me to take care of myself and my love?
thanks so much.