How do you deal with opposing communication styles?
February 8, 2012 8:34 AM Subscribe
Texter vs. non-texter relations: How do you deal?
posted by anonymous to human relations (64 answers total) 14 users marked this as a favorite
Someone sends me a text, and I respond pretty quickly. Maybe it doesn't even necessitate a response, but I like to respond in some way. I come across something random online that makes me think of a friend, I'll send them a link. I even respond to most work emails fairly fast. Etc. I enjoy a quick, non-essential chat. Apparently with greater frequency than some people do.
I know that some people get really annoyed by this kind of thing. I have friends that I will send a dumb message (or even a question!) to on gchat or something, and they never respond. I know from talking about it with some of them (obviously I'm a talker!) that this kind of thing stresses them out or it makes them think the other person is crazy or needy (especially in a dating situation).
I don't care so much with friends, but it's the dating thing that stresses ME out. I'm not so completely socially inept that I can't figure out a person's style within the first couple of exchanges, but I always feel like a crazy person wanting more communication. Mostly because I have heard complaints from non-texting friends about casual dates texting too much and that being a red flag.
No! I'm not a total creep, I'm just a texter! I'm honestly really busy and have a lot of friends and am not actually obsessing over you.
But it drives me INSANE when I'm dealing with a non-responder, especially in those fraught, any-mistake-could-be-a-dealbreaker early dating days. The lack of regular or timely response (even if it's clearly not a lack of interest) will, like, conjure the crazy from nowhere, thus cementing the non-texter's opinion. I am entirely certain I am not crazy, this is a complete non-issue when dealing with someone with a similar communication style, or even when I get to know a non-texter better.
I like lots of different kinds of people, I'm not really willing to just limit myself to people who communicate EXACTLY like I do. But texters: How do you deal with that excruciating silence? And non-texters: What's so wrong with frequent-ish, low-level contact?
(And by "frequent," I mean once a day or every other day or so. Or responding to a text asking a specific question within the hour. And I understand sometimes it's not convenient/possible to respond so soon, I'm talking about general patterns.)