What if I don't feel intensity in my relationship?
January 26, 2012 10:54 PM Subscribe
Is it bad if I don't feel an intense/passionate kind of love in my relationship?
posted by Asian_Hunnie to human relations (26 answers total) 21 users marked this as a favorite
I've been with my boyfriend officially for 6 months but we dated and were exclusive 6 months prior to becoming official. So it's been almost a year since I've known him. When I first saw him, I had the biggest crush on him and it's never been like that with anyone else. As I got to know him I realize he is a great guy. He is so unselfish, he's protective of those he love, he makes me laugh, whenever I see him I smile so hard, he makes me feel secure, he's everything I want in a guy, he's adventurous and motivates me. Although it is everything I want, WHY...do I not feel that intensity for him as I did with my first relationship? It feels more lukewarm...warm, happy, comfortable. I do NOT want to break up with him and I'm afraid that because I do not feel intensely for him, we'll fail.
My first love was when I was 16. We dated for almost 6 years. My relationship with him was stressful but I loved him so much. I would have done anything and everything for him; maybe I was naive but I thought we'd be together forever. I thought about him constantly about what he was doing. I was insecure in our relationship, I feared he'd leave me. I would even cry really hard if I couldn't get a hold of him on the phone...cry as if it were the end of the world. I was crazy. He brought out insane emotions in me: when it was bad it was very bad...when it was good it was very good... but I was stressed/sad 80% of the time because we are very different people (incompatible)
So how is it that this relationship that was bad for me made me feel intensely for him...was it drama? My bf and I do not have drama or fights at all... I use to think I'd die of heart break if my ex left me... but I overcame that. I think I'd be fine if my bf left me but I don't want him to leave me. People tell me that this is a kind of "mature" love but some people tell me "If you don't feel that passion/fire run away now!" Is not feeling intensely for someone bad?? I did feel "intense" for my bf but that was during the infatuation phases. Any advice??